Velessein Rose

My name is Velessein, I write fiction. If you enjoy my works please leave a review. Hiatus

Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar & Punctuation

Struggle to Read

I'm extremely confused. The story starts with your MC looking at their own body. We don't know how she died or why. Just that she is, which is fine. After that it seems to get jumpy and dodgy. And I don't know where I got disconnected at.
It definitely grabs your attention un the beginning, where there's more description, but after that it's gone. At least for me, I can't speak for everyone. MC's grandmother makes a brief appearance, but we don't know what either of them looks like. Or why this side character is important to the plot. Aside from to give the MC a message. There are some discrepancies with what descriptions are there.
A person's eyes cannot be bare...that would be kind of scary, if not mortifying, to see. I would think that 2 ghosts sharing the same astral plane would be able to see the other ghost walk away (my own opinion) instead of just vanishing.
I like the story, I just can't get into it because I feel like there's something missing from the first chapter and I wish I knew what it was besides descriptions and an explanation. I feel like too much was left for the reader to decide. Which sometimes is okay. But doesn't work well for this story in particular.
I will be keeping an eye on this one though. There's something intriguing about what you've started working on.

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Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar & Punctuation

Needs Work

I want to read it, but it's such a struggle to get past the first few pages.
Dialogue is hidden with narration. I've noted there are several P.O.V switches, but there's no warning when so everyone gets confused together. It also feels like the chapters are being named for the sake of naming. Each chapter title gives too much away. Also, I don't know what an M.C is besides Main Character and if that's what it is being used for it should not be any part of the story or chapter titles.

The story has potential but it's all over the place. For me anyway. Considering it's over 90 chapters breaking it into parts and giving characters either their own chapter to tell from their perspective or their own book might be more beneficial to you. I noted you stuck a portion of chapter 1 into the summary and I don't know if you meant to do that or not.

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Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar & Punctuation

Not for Me

While it's engaging the story feels disjointed. And for me that make sit a little hard to read as I feel detached from the story. It's not a bad story and I like the concept. I just can't enjoy it in full. Also, there are places where you have switched tenses entirely. This can be very confusing.

There are other grammatical issues. And the way some sentences are worded, makes them confusing for a moment, but not hard to understand. Which is nice. It's different and not really something I've ever thought to read. Unfortunately, this may not be a book for me. However, I wish you all the best with it. You've obviously put in a lot of work and effort. Right now, that's the important thing.

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Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar & Punctuation

Endearing

I'm going to go out on a limb and say English isn't your first language. I could be wrong. The story seems really disjointed. It's a really good story, and starts off really well. It has that forst draft feel, so I'm not really going to complain, because writing is hard enough as it is. I did notice it appears you switch between present and past tense in a couple places. But there's nothing really major that stands out. Writing in first person is hard as well. Might I suggest not starting too many sentences with "I". I've done that for years and it is a hard work around, but it might make the reader feel a little more connected. However, as I said, overall it's a nice start.

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Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar & Punctuation

Perfect

I was really hesitant to read this, but I find that the more I read the more curious I am. It's definitely worth reading.

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