Hi there! So just a disclaimer- When I do reviews, I do them as politely as possible and always look to give tips and advice. I never mean to sound harsh, mean, or insensitive. I'm admittedly a harsh critic, so I apologize in advance if I sound rude. I don't mean to, I just have a really blunt way of speaking when I review things XD That said, let's get on to this review :)
Read the story now
The Plot- The overall plot I do like, the stalker, heroine side of it. It keeps you guessing and on the edge, and leaves you craving more.
Characters- Rosie is an interesting character, I like that she's not a Mary Sue, and she's relatable. Henry reminds me a lot of Dexter from the show, which isn't a bad thing, it makes him likable, in a weird way, I liked seeing his point of view "See through the eyes of the killer" in a sense.
What I didn't like:
I felt like there were spots where there was unnecessary detail, such as what she had for breakfast, or the number of things she sold. They could easily be simplified. For example, instead of naming off the thing she sold one by one, maybe say "unaware that I was reading the items I sold aloud, a familiar voice piped in-" queing Ellie's comment of her doing a good job that day.
I really didn't like the multiple usages of the word "unexpected" the title itself says "The Unexpected" instead maybe use the words "strange, unusual, werid-etc" it's less tedious and doesn't pull the reader out of the story
The parenthesis also bothered me a bit, I don't think parenthesis should ever be used in a novel, it kind of pulled me out of the story and I felt you could still explain what you wanted without them. For example, instead of saying "My boss (Benson)" you could have said "My boss, Benson, etc etc" it is much smoother and keeps the story flowing without interruption.
I did see some grammatical errors, such as where there should have been commas where there were periods and simple stuff such as "Me and Ellie" ---> should be "Ellie and I" but those are pretty minor compared to other stories.
I would say to break apart your paragraphs, there were times when a paragraph is so long it takes up the whole page. I know it's difficult to gauge something like that on the app, trust me, haha. But a simple way to help that a little is just constantly previewing your chapter before submitting it, that way you can see the layout of the paragraphs.
I was also extremely confused on if Ellie was British or not. She notes that Henry has a British accent, but she herself previously calls her apartment a "flat" so I'm not sure if they live in the UK or USA, or if she moved to the UK and just picked up the dialect.
"But my hand froze when I felt a hand take it out." I didn't really care for this sentence mostly because it was repetitive with the word "hand". I think what would make it a little better is if you used a description of the hand. Example: "But my hand froze my ice-cold fingers grazed against a warm hand." just little descriptions can really make a sentence that much better!
I'm very sorry for the long review, but I try to be as thorough as I can, and I hope you don't hate me for my critiques. I did love the plot and thought it had great potential and I loved how all the characters interacted with each other, Henry made for a perfect psycho stalker just craving love and Rosie the damsel was super relatable. I wish you luck in your future writings fellow write! Dream big and never let your passion die!