I thought that this was good, but I want to know more! I want to see the story extended. I really liked the way that you wrote it but I would have changed the way you worded a few things. That might just be my different writing style coming through though because it is very well written. I thought it was very creative and actually gets you to start thinking about real life issues. At least that is what I started thinking about. I think that you could improve the vocabulary. Don't be afraid to use words that are uncommon. It helps readers vocabularies to grow. Also you could work on describing things in more detail. We learn that her parents are not nice but you could describe them more. You could also describe Her more as well. I think that would make the story more engaging and real. It was really good though. I really liked it. Keep on writing!
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