M.L. Bull

South Carolina

College student. Blogger of American Lit. Novelist of Christian fiction novel 'With You Forever' and 'The Words by Heart Saga' series (in progress). I aim to write stories that touch hearts :)

Overall Rating
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Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Enjoyed the read with minor grievances

Hello, Aalia!

Your story compelled the emotional pain and struggle of a teenage girl very well.. The imagery was also convincing and well-written, showing the different personalities of your characters and their actions. However, I do think that many of your sentences are too lengthy and could use some simple splitting up, a problem of run-on sentences that I must admit I likewise have issues with at times. I also did not appreciate the foul use of language in different areas of your character dialogue, though I know some writers are accustomed to this, especially when writing dramatic, emotional scenes. I don't use profanity in my writing because for one, it's against my religious principles to even say them, so why would I write it in my story?

Another reason though is because I believe emotional character dialogue can be conveyed without the use of such language, and that character emotion is best shown when expressing characters' dialogue in other creative ways based on characters' personalities, It is a truth that we all act and express ourselves differently when feeling different emotions, and I think characters should too, instead of overused foul crutch words. Nonetheless, you have a gift of writing and aside for my disagreement of the use of foul language, I enjoyed reading the story.

Keep up the good work!

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