The Emma Series - Book 4 - Accepting Your Fate

JAX

I have no words. When Austin asked if she could kill Giovanni I first thought it was the shock of her being kidnapped talking, but when I looked into her eyes, I knew I was mistaken. Even though her left eye is almost swollen shut I can see the sheer determination radiating off her entire body.

“Baby, I don’t want you to have blood on your hands unless it is absolutely necessary, preferably only when you need to defend yourself.”

“Do not fucking baby me Jax! Giovanni took me captive, he could have raped and tortured me, but he wanted me to love him the way I love you. I have been through hell since I met you, especially the last couple of weeks. I am not a fucking petulant child that you need to scold. I am a grown ass woman. I deserve to get my dues and what I want is to kill Giovanni myself. Ask whoever you need to ask, but get me a fucking answer, while you are at it, get the fuck out of here and don’t come back until you have the answer I want. Otherwise I walk, Jax, I mean it. I am done with sitting on the side-lines. No one will ever respect me if I continue looking and acting as if I need protecting all the time.”

“It is not that, I just think you are too pure to handle killing someone, I don’t want your nightmares on my conscience as well. I have enough to deal with as it is.”

“Do you hear yourself Jax? I this, and I that, where do I fit into all of this if the only thing I keep hearing is I? Get the fuck out, now, before I completely lose my temper.”

I want to stay with her, console her, hold her in my arms, but the anger radiating off her tells me that I will pour gasoline on an already burning fire. I never allow anyone to speak to me the way she just did, the mere fact that I allowed her to, says a lot about how I feel about her. Luckily for her it was out of earshot of the rest of the staff and my parents. She is pissed, rightfully so, the only thing or person I have been thinking about since all of this started is myself. She always comes a close second, I face the fact that I have been selfish, something I will never admit out loud to anyone, it is a weakness I will never admit to. I need to speak to my parents, I need to understand how they made their marriage work for so many years without either one of them undermining the other, otherwise I am on a fast track to losing my calm to the ever-brewing storm inside of me together with Austin, the love of my life.

I turn to leave, not wanting to irk her further.

“Oh, and Jax, if the answer is no, don’t bother coming to tell me, send Maddox to deliver the news. I don’t want to see you until you have a yes, if you don’t get one, I am leaving here.”

Giving Austin a once over before closing the bathroom door, I lean against it like I always do when she is near, only this time my heart is filled with an emotion I am not familiar with. If I had to put a word to it, I would say it is fear. The first time I have ever felt it, the fear of losing her. I need to speak to my mother, now more than ever. Grabbing some clothes before I leave our bedroom, I make my way to the spare bedroom to take a quick shower. When I immerge, I dress hurriedly, wanting to go downstairs as quickly as possible. If I know my parents they will not be in bed, they will be going over what went wrong tonight step by step until the time when we found Austin.

They do not disappoint; I find everyone piled in my mother’s office. Without preamble I stick my head around the door “All of you, my office now!, I bellow stalking to my office not waiting to see if they are following me. I pour a generous amount of whiskey in a glass, down it before pouring another. When I sit down at my desk they are all in my office, my parents sitting in the two chairs in front of my desk the rest of them scattered all around, all of them waiting for me to speak.

I am raging mad, I want to go down to the basement and kill Giovanni with my bare hands watching the life drain out of his eyes while I choke him to death, but if I do that, I lose the love of my life.

On the other hand, I cannot show all of the people in my office how weak I am when it comes to Austin, especially not my mother. Austin is and will always be my kryptonite; I will need to keep my anger in check if I want this meeting to be productive.

“How is she Jax?”

My mother is the first to speak. “I don’t fucking know, she refuses to talk to me about it, the only thing she told me was that he didn’t rape her and that he wanted her to love him the way she loves me, the best part is, she wants to kill him and if he dies by my hand she is leaving me. How wonderful my life has turned out to be hasn’t it mother?” I respond sarcastically, I think this is one of the few times that I have ever spoken to her like this, with utter disdain and disrespect.

“Everyone out now!”, she shouts, standing up staring me down as if I am a cantankerous child that she needs to scold without an audience. Everyone scurries out of my office except my father. Without even looking at him she tells him to leave too. I refuse to break eye contact with her, I blame her for all of this, and she knew I never wanted to be part of this life. If it wasn’t for her I would not be in this difficult position.

My father leaves after whispering a few words in my mother’s ear, I see him in my peripheral, but I refuse to break the stare down I have with my mother. I am beyond furious with her.

Once the door is closed behind her, she tells me to stand up, still holding my gaze, I stand without a word. Slowly walking around the desk, I wait for her to lay into me. What she does next completely takes me by surprise, she hugs me while saying, “what I am about to do is for your own good son.”

Standing back, she kicks me in the stomach, full force, I should know, we have practised many a time. I fall backward landing on the drink trolley breaking it as I fall all the way down to the floor, with one hand she motions for me to get up, already in her fighting stance. I have no intention of hitting or fighting my own mother. I get up slowly, “there is no need” I don’t get the chance to finish my sentence before she punches me in the stomach, this time I hunch over, lifting her knee she kicks upward, her knee making direct contact with my nose, which in all likelihood is broken now.

“Stop! I am not fighting you mom.”

“You should have thought about that before your little rant in front of everyone. I thought you had come to grips with the fact that you are the new boss, apparently not, fuck; even Austin was quicker to make peace with this life than you clearly are. You can hate me all you want. You accepted everything when you agreed to take over from me; now that it is getting tough you want to cry like a little bitch about it instead of thinking clearly and doing things with an open and clear mind. I am disappointed Jax, I never thought I would say those words, but grow the fuck up and get over it. This is your life now, I will not be your punching bag every time something goes wrong or there is a glitch in the plan. It is called life, and you, more than anyone should know that life love those fucking curveballs. Now get up and fight Jax or so help me I am going to kick your ass until you do.”

“I respect you too much and you now I don’t hit women, especially you.”

“I don’t give a fuck about respect Jax, you are angry so take your wrath out on me, the person who is the cause of it all.”

“Dad is going to kill me if I hurt you and you know it.”

She scoffs and before I know it I am on my ass again, she used one of her famous air kicks landing one straight against my ear, throwing me off balance completely. I see red, bells ring in my ear, but stop myself from reacting, it is my mother after all. She comes at me again, throwing punch after punch, each one harder than the one before. I finally get hold of both her hands holding them tightly in mine, I plead with her with my eyes to stop, I don’t want to hurt her. True Emma fashion, she refuses to heed the plea in my eyes, she kicks my again, the sheer force of it forcing me to let go of her hands.

I know I am going to pay for this, but I take a fighting stance, for the first time I see the craziness that is my mother in her eyes, the pure rush of adrenaline flashing in her eyes before she lunges for me, I barely miss her kick, landing one of my own on her stomach instead. She recovers quickly, quicker than I anticipated; it is not that I was holding back, I was also going full force trying to stop this madness that I am finding myself in.

Every time we practiced, she always kept the crazy side of her locked away, now I feel it in every kick and punch that she is throwing my way, she is like a crazed woman, I have never seen her like this, her eyes look as if she is possessed, maybe she is, maybe she is visualising someone else while fighting me.

I know for a fact if we continue, one of us is going to get hurt badly. She comes at me again, this time I am prepared for her, by some miracle, I manage to get her in a neck hold, but she is still so strong, I drop down on my knees, begging her to come back to reality, to realize what she is doing. She claws at my arms, from this angle I cannot see her face, but I know it is thunderous. I don’t want to choke her out, I will not be able to live with myself and my dad will shoot me where I stand for hurting her.

“Fuck! Mom stop!”

She doesn’t, by some miracle I suddenly feel her body go slack, her hands stops clawing at my arms.

Did I just kill my own mother?