Chapter 1: Failing the Semester
As a twenty-year-old, after a year in college, I had become very disillusioned with my prospects. Not only was I failing my classes, but I felt like a little cog in a big machine, a machine designed to extract money from people like me. However, my parents had high expectations, and I didn’t want to disappoint them. After much consideration, I figured I would take a semester off to figure things out. As expected, my parents were not only disappointed but angry as well.
“So, what the hell are you going to do?” my father asked.
" I don’t know yet,” I replied.
As I retreated to my room, my father yelled, “Maybe you should join the marines, that way you can get your shit straight!”
I wanted to cry something back, but I really didn’t have anything to say. It also didn’t help that my dad was an old, hard-ass marine. The next few weeks were hell. My parents were unrelenting and reminded me about my shortcomings daily. I had gotten a job at a local insurance agency, but I felt like my parents didn’t want me in their house anymore. I had always been an outdoors person, and the situation was becoming unbearable. I tried to stay out of the house as much as possible. Every day, there was an argument about how school was the only option and how I had to either go back or start thinking about moving out.
All this bickering finally subsided the day my dad got a phone call from his sister. My Uncle James had passed away due to a heart attack, and we had to fly over to pay our final farewell to my Uncle James. It wasn’t a long flight considering it was from California to Idaho. It was nice to see my cousin and my Aunt after such a long time, three years to be exact. It was sad to see them in their misery, but I really loved them and was glad I could be there with them.
My Uncle had been a very reserved man, and I had grown to like him over the years, but I never really knew him all that well. My Aunt, on the other hand, had always been very loving and motherly. She had the warmth that came from working with animals and was always very polite. My cousin Megan was twenty-three and attending school on the east coast. She had flown back as soon as she had heard about her father. She was older than me by four years, but she had always seemed much older to me. She had always been wise beyond her years and had always been a full-grown woman in my eyes.
We arrived Friday night and were planning to leave Sunday night after the funeral. Pleasantries and condolences were exchanged, as expected, that first night. The older folk, including my parents, talked with my Aunt and other family members far into the night. I, on the other hand, decided to turn in early. I was given my Uncle’s old study, and I found it very hard to sleep. The man had passed away, yet there were traces of his existence all around me. Mercifully, I dozed to sleep.
The next morning I awoke to my father’s hand gently shaking me. “John wake up.” It was hard to stay asleep with his big bear paw on my shoulder. “Listen,” he said as I turned to see him. “I know lately I’ve been riding you pretty hard and I’m sorry. I know you’ll figure it out and I just want you know that I’ve got your back no matter what you choose to do,” he finished with a smile. The talk last night must have really opened his eyes to how fleeting life really was. I was still half asleep, but I felt a significant weight lift off my shoulders, both literally and emotionally. “Now get up, we have some work to do,” he finished. Although I didn’t admit it to myself, I knew deep inside what work he had in mind. Every time we visited my Aunt, we ended up helping around the farm. Unlike back home, where the day started at 7 or 8 am, it started at 5 or 6 am here. I got my clothes and jacket and followed my dad as we headed out towards the small field behind my Aunt’s barn.
