FAKEMOUS

Listen, let’s just get one thing straight, I am famous. Like, crazy famous.

Okay, maybe not worldwide, but in Nigeria? I own this place.

I won Big Brother Naija, the biggest reality show in the country. When I stepped out of that house, brands were fighting over me. My social media blew up, my followers skyrocketed, and the money? Sweet Jesus, the money was pouring in.

Now, I live the dream. I have two cars, a house, more clothes than I can count, and jewelry that shines like my future. My life is perfect.

Well… i had one tiny issue though

My name.

Who, in their right mind, names their child Chinyere Bridaka Laurene? Like, what even is that? A spell? A scientific formula? Was I a group project? Because that’s the only explanation. No way I was walking around with that nonsense. So I changed it.

Now I’m just Chi. Simple. Classy. Celebrity material.

Just so you know, I am literally the Beyonce of Nigeria, i am an elite, an icon, a role model to so many people and literally the most talked about personality in the whole of the country.

But here’s the thing about life, it’s a bitch.

Because right now, My life is crumbling. My bank account is looking so bad. My endorsements deals are disappearing faster than my imaginations can tell. And if I ever go broke? I swear, I will simply perish. I refuse to be that person, the once famous, now forgotten celebrity. I rather die than let that happen.

*****************************************************************************

I took a deep breath and stared into my cup of tea like it held the answers to my problems. “I lost another endorsement deal,” I muttered.

Across the table, Dami, my younger sister, slid a plate of bread toward me without looking up from her phone. “Why?” she asked, like I had just told her the weather forcast.

I blinked. “Why? Dami, if I keep losing endorsements, I will most definitely go broke before the year ends!”

She finally looked up, and just when I thought she was about to console me, she did the must undermining thing ever.

She laughed!!!

This little girl laughed at me!!!

Not a small chuckle. Not even a snort. A full blown, i mean a tears in your eyes type of laughter.

I sat there gripping my cup, regretting every decision that led me to this moment. I thought i could confide in this girl but clearly she not worth it.

After what felt like a lifetime, she wiped her eyes and smirked. “Sis, let’s be real, you have always been broke.”

I froze. “Excuse me?”

She nodded, deadly serious. “You’ve never had money.”

The disrespect. The audacity. The violation.

“Dami,” I said, voice tight, “what exactly do you mean by that?”

She shrugged. “I mean, you act like you own the world when, in reality, you don’t even have a dime in your pockets. And you know what annoys me most, you lie to yourself everytime calling yourself an icon when nobody actually gives a shit about you.”

I gasped. “Who the hell are you talking to? I am literally the richest and most famous celebrity in Nigeria for goodness sake. I have millions of followers on social media, I won BBN! I stepped out of that house and outshined every single competitor! My only problem now is my account balance , and instead of supporting me and trying to find a solution you’re laughing? Are you serious right now?”

Dami folded her arms. “Oh, you won BBN?”

“Yes!”

She leaned forward. “Are you sure?”

“For God’s sake, yes!”

Her smirk widened. “Then explain to me why you never made it to the top ten. Or why you got disqualified in week three. Or did you, by chance, hold a private version of the show in your bedroom? Because that must have been the one you won”

******************************************************************************

Okay, fine

I lied to you guys………

I didn’t win Big Brother Naija. I didn’t even come close. I got kicked out in week three, and the worst part? The show rules were clear, if you’re disqualified, you leave with NOTHING. No money, no benefits, no goodbye hug from the rest of the participants, nothing at all.

But!

I had an army of loyal fans. They were so heartbroken by my disqualification that they started a GoFundMe for me. And that, my friends, is how I got back on my feet. Well… kind of.

*****************************************************************************

Dami wasn’t done ruining my life.

“And did I hear you say you have millions of followers on your social media page? Are you serious, none of your social media accounts has even made it to 200k followers” She raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure you haven’t lost your mind? Because what is with this delusion”

I clenched my fists under the table.

She tapped her chin, pretending to think. “Oh, and you’re not even verified on any platform, so tell me, dear sister what exactly makes you think you’re famous?”

I took a deep breath. “I may not have won the show, but I have the strongest fanbase in BBN history. They even opened a GoFundMe for me! That’s why I am where I am today.”

Dami sipped her tea dramatically, then sighed. “You’re insane.”

I glared at her. “Who’s insane?”

“You.” She placed her empty cup down and stared at me. “Do you honestly think these so called ‘fans’ of yours will still love you when they realize you’ve been lying to them? You flaunt two cars when you don’t even own a bicycle. You brag about owning a house when we’re living in a rented apartment and as if that is not enough, you waste the little money you get on clothes and jewelry you can’t afford just to keep up with your stupid fake celebrity image. Meanwhile, I have to lie to my friends, pretending we’re rich, just so people don’t laugh at you. But in reality? We can’t even afford half of the things you flaunt.”

She stood up, eyes flashing with frustration.

“If you weren’t living so far above your means, maybe, just maybe we would have a better life. But no. You’d rather live a lie…… honestly, I hate this life, and I hate you even more for dragging me into it.”

With that, she stormed out.

And honestly?

She is right.

I hate this life too.

I thought being famous would change everything, make life easier, fix our problems and even make us happier

But instead, it made everything worse.

I really wish i could the go back to how it was before, when we had a pretty average happy life.

Nah

I am famous now, an elite, one of my county’s biggest name, I don’t want to go back to that stupid life where no one knew me.

That must have been the devil speaking!!!

I rebuke you satan!!

I will just say that i am stuck in the middle of two pathways, too famous to be broke, too broke to be rich and there’s no way out.

Just as I was about to drown in my own misery, my phone buzzed.

An email. From a brand?

Finally, some good news

My heart leaped. Maybe things were finally turning around. Maybe God had seen my struggles and decided to reward me. Maybe this was my big comeback!

With shaky hands, I clicked on the email.

Dear Chi,

We would love to collaborate with you as the new face of our premium detergent……

I stopped reading immediately

A detergent?

They wanted me, a celebrity, a socialite, an icon to promote… detergent?

I blinked so hard. Maybe I was hallucinating. Maybe stress had finally finished me, maybe i was having a terrible night mare.

I reread the email. The words didn’t change.

I stared at the screen in horror.

I just couldn’t believe what i had just read

Me? The queen of luxury? The baddest influencer in the game? The big reality tv star of Big Brother Naija? They wanted me to hold up a bucket of soap water and say “for tough stains, use FreshBrite Detergent?, Never”

I locked my phone and flung it across the couch.

No. Absolutely not.

I would rather die!!!

… Or would I?

Because, if I kept turning down deals, what exactly was I waiting for ?

I swallowed really hard.

Maybe, just maybe I have become more broke than I had ever imagined.

And that? That was the scariest thought of all.