Part One, Chapter 1: A Quiet Day
Little girl: Uncle Satan Uncle Satan shall we play? Come on, come on
Satan: I can't, honey, I'm working now.
Little Girl: COME ON, COME ON, LET'S PLAY, UNCLE, LET'S PLAY
Satan: I can't stop, little princess.
Satan's Brother (the little girl's father): Why, excuse me, play a bit and then get back to work?
Satan: I can't, if I stop even for a second, I'll find myself with another 30,000 new paperwork to handle.
Satan: In this company, I'm the only one working, while God does nothing. He spends all day scratching his balls, after all, he delegated everything to Saint Peter, giving him the keys to Heaven.
Satan: While his son, Jesus, is a drug addict of biblical proportions, since he's already dead and is already in Heaven and can't die, he takes drugs like there's no tomorrow. Last time, he combined fentanyl with heroin, cocaine, and methamphetamine.
Brother: Excuse me, who is the founder of this company?
Satan: If anything, the co-founders of Hell Paradise are me and God.
Brother: Why don't you tell him what's going on, or report him?
Satan: You don't know how many times I've been up there, and I've always found him lying on the couch watching on TV what people in the world do, worse than Big Brother. I've thrown everything in his face, but he pretends not to hear. As for the reports, forget it, because if I have to compile a list of the various types of reports, I won't finish it even in a century.
Satan: I mean, I should report him for invasion of privacy, stalking, inducing suicide (since he let them kill and whip his son), parental incompetence, vandalism, and manslaughter (because remember, that idiot even threw a lightning bolt). Let it go, it's better.
Girl: Uncle, what's that noise?
Satan: It's Cerberus, darling, someone must be rubbing his belly.
Brother: Isn't he the hound of hell?
Satan: Yeah, but he's still a dog. If you throw him a stick or a ball, he'll bring it back. He does dog things, as is right.
Brother: Don't many people go to Heaven?
Satan: Only children and old people go to Heaven. I'm the one who takes on all the rest. Every day I get people who have killed or done something else. I'm so damn stressed out.
Brother: Get an assistant to help you, right?
Satan: And who's sorry, demons are all illiterate and can't even speak. Compared to them, Taz the Tasmanian Devil is a college graduate.
Brother: Okay, but at least today's dead aren't like those of the past.
Satan: You're right about that. I still remember when Hitler came... he tried to persecute everyone he believed had a lesser death than his. In the end, I had to lock him in a windowless cell and disintegrate the key at the molecular level.
Satan: Not to mention Attila and Nero... they tried, and I think they're still trying, to burn down Hell.
Brother: How can you burn down Hell if Hell itself is already burning?
Satan: Indeed, they're a couple of idiots.
Brother: At least the employees make themselves useful.
Satan: Yes, indeed, although I don't understand Charon's purpose.
Brother: He's the ferryman, he carries souls from one place to another.
Satan: Yes, I know that, but what's the point of a ferryman if there's a road 500 meters away that you can walk along, and there are even benches nearby to rest on? That's why I don't understand Charon's purpose, but he's happy...
Little Girl: Uncle, they give you ice cream in Purgatory, shall we go? COME ON, COME ON
Satan: All right, let's go
Satan, turning to his brother: And besides, I'm the bad guy in the story.
Thank, I hope you will continue reading the whole story. as I wrote in the description the English version has slower publication times than the Italian one but there will be