Chapter 1
Prosecutor: Judge, it's not what it seems.
God: He stalked me, Judge.
Judge: But you're everywhere.
Prosecutor: Judge, I took a photo. It's not my fault if God is a show-off.
Random Guy: But God is everywhere. Why are you complaining about a photo?
God: Judge, you have to believe me. He's already photographed me once. It happened in Metaponto. It's called a violation of privacy.
Judge: God, I can't do anything about it. According to the Bible, you are everywhere and in all things.
Prosecutor: I also accuse God of stalking and trespassing.
Judge: God, I find you guilty of stalking, trespassing, and inducing suicide.
Judge: You caused your son, Jesus Christ, to commit suicide.
God: Judge, please believe me. I haven't stalked anyone. It's not my fault that people like my accuser call me 24/7. It's not my fault that people like my accuser have at least one crucifix at home, along with my son.
God: AND IT'S NOT MY FAULT IF THAT IDIOT SON OF MYS GETTED HIMSELF CEDOCIFIED JUST FOR MULTIPLYING THE FISH TO IMPRESS A WOMAN. GIRL
Prosecutor's lawyer: Objection, the Bible says it was your will for your son to die.
God: Objection, Judge, I didn't write the Bible, but guess who? The stalker, this is called a conspiracy, Judge.
God: It's a conspiracy against me, they want to frame me.
Prosecutor's lawyer: But the Bible was written thousands of years ago by God's will, Judge. It's impossible that my client wrote it now.
Satan in the crowd gasps and says: I can confirm that my father had the Bible written and Jesus Christ killed.
God: Satan is not my son, Judge. It's a lie.
Joseph in the crowd: Judge. God impregnated my wife with Gabriel's complicity. I accuse them of rape.
Gabriel: Judge. I was just following orders, I didn't fuck Maria.
Maria: But you liked it anyway.
