UNCONFESSED CONFESSIONS

Rohit had always believed till now that hiding feelings inside is better than telling about those to the other person, he thought “ Words once spoken, had the power to fracture what silence could protect “ ….

So, over the years he carried this truth folded neatly between the lines of their conversation, hidden in the pauses, buried beneath the laughter that came too easily, spoken only through his eyes…

On nights, where the world goes quiet but the thoughts become louder, He would open the hidden letter he had written a few years ago. The letter over the years turned yellowish as it aged locked in his room. The rough paged letter had become softer being handled often. Inside were the words he never dared to speak, the confession that was kept within his locked safe over the period.

The confession who watched a boy in love being scared to give them words.

The fear of losing something you have is really big, isn't it ? The fear of “What If”. What if she doesn't feel the same ? What if she never thought of me feeling this way ? What if she leaves me ?.

Every coin has two sides, so why not be positive with these “What ifs” ? What if she has been waiting all this time for you to confess…What if she does feel the same…

Rohit gave his thoughts little motivation and positivity which he needed to finally give his feelings the words which he never dared to speak.

He decided that he has to come out of his fear, he has to beat his negativity and let his feelings out before it's too late.

On the other hand, Aarohi, His best friend who loves him as well is lost in the deep seas of doubt whether he loves him or not. But her nature of being someone who believes in “going with the flow” motto never let her doubts make her stressed.

She remained happy that in today’s world, their friendship has been a constant, something which has remained unshaken by distance or by time.

She remained grateful to God for what she had had all the time.

She failed to notice Rohit’s feelings which were dropping clearly through his eyes. The care which rohit showed, the priority aarohi always had received from rohit, she felt all this is normal as they are best friends.

The jokingly made imagination of them being in a relationship which they used to have, she never was able to get how emotionally rohit used to be involved in those.

Aarohi kept her love for rohit hidden inside her unvoiced because she was happy with what she had and not thinking what they may have if she tried to confess how she feels about rohit.

Aarohi too was shackled by “what ifs”. Though her what ifs were filled with doubt. What if my doubt never gets cleared ? What if Rohit gets to know that I have feelings for him ? What if this beautiful bonding we two share doesn't remain the same if we do enter a relationship ?

“ Two Peoples , Two What Ifs , One mutual feeling. These What ifs have restricted us from living our life freely without the worries. The outcome has us scared more than the feeling of having it. I'll add one what if for you guys ..What if all goes good ? What if you stopped worrying about future happenings and worked on enjoying what you have today… ” 

It's just another day in their life. Rohit gets ready for college, before leaving his room he opens that locked drawer again, sits beside it at the bed reading his own written feelings. He starts thinking about her and about if he should try talking to her about his feelings. He thinks that he’ll try to talk to aarohi indirectly about his feelings and their relationship. He locks his letter once again and leaves for college.

As he reaches college, he calls aarohi to ask where she is, but her phone goes out of network. He starts wandering in the college walking towards their class. His eyes looking in all directions to find her, After a while he finds her sitting alone at a bench in the ground . They meet as usual and head towards the class. During the whole day , Rohit kept thinking of how to know about Aarohi’s point of view towards their relationship. As the college ends , Rohit dares and starts the conversation

Rohit - Aarohi , you remember Amit and Anjali from high school ?

Aarohi - oh yes , those two cute couples, right ? We used to think about how good they look .

Rohit - yes, but you know they don't even talk to each other now .

Aarohi - seriously ? But they were so great together, they never felt something off between them..

Rohit - Yaa , but I guess we were wrong . How hard is it na to maintain a relationship going ahead

Aarohi - True

Rohit - Hey, what do you think about us ? Like , would we have been separated if something happened between us ?

( Rohit’s heartbeat starts to go faster as he feels nervous after he asked this question )

Aarohi stayed silent for a moment and then replied

Aarohi - You know , I think not because all this time we have been best friends , and I'm blessed to have such a constant friendship we have , It's rare to have such friends .

Rohit looked at Aarohi with his eyes speaking how much he loves her , But he misread his words that maybe she just thinks of him as best friend.

He smiled a little and ended the topic saying - True , I also feel blessed to have such a constant friend …

He spent the rest of the day overthinking what her words could mean. He didn't get the deeper meaning of what aarohi wanted to say, but overthinking made him upset as he thought that maybe she doesn't have any feelings for him and wants him to always be her friend.

Meanwhile Aarohi was left thinking why Rohit asked her such a question.

The doubts in her mind grew, making her think if Rohit too has feelings for her. As the day ended, she decided to ask Rohit about why he asked such a question. Just before leaving college they meet. And aarohi asks straight away

Aarohi- Rohit, Why did you ask such a question about our bond earlier ? Do you think our bond isn't that strong , or something else ?

Rohit- ( He was still in his overthinking state, thinking she wants to only stay as friend of him )

Oh, it was just random aarohi, like we talked about amit and anjali, I thought, " what if you know, just out of curiosity.

( Rohit lies as he has always been scared that if the truth comes out he might lose out on their friendship.

They end their conversation and head back to their homes. Both in different thoughts, but same emotions. Both of them thinking of the beautiful side of this story, and lost in the circle of what ifs…..

The Sun sets down, Moon rises in the sky with cold cozy weather as night goes intensified. Rohit after a long journey of his thoughts, sits beside his bed, and once again opens his locked drawer to take out that one letter.

The conversation they had today had left him saddened by his own understanding of what aarohi said. He gathers his scattered sweet memories of the time they've spent together, holding onto the letter softly with love, like he's holding her in his arms.

He starts to think why isn't his love getting to a perfect end. His tears slowly start to roll out from his eyes. As he reads the letter imagining he's reading it to her, a couple droplets of tear slowly slide through his face to the letter. He spends his night with the letter and falls asleep reading it.

Aarohi on the other side sits silent in her room today, for the first time lost in her thoughts.

She starts to reimagine the cute moments they've shared together. Her room is filled with darkness, soft cold air entering through the window, touching her hair. Soft love mashup in the background as her thoughts of doubt emerge again.

She lays down on her back, thinking of how her doubts can be cleared, she tries to be positive and starts to think how things will be if they get together somehow. She fell asleep in her thoughts as a gentle curve graced her lips.

“Similar feelings, different thoughts and a different end to a day which might have ignited an unspoken warmth in her, and also perhaps carved his love into her. Whereas it may have made him broken by his thoughts or it might have made his love even stronger ? But where did it all begin ? How did this love ignite ?”