One
One
Kevin Payne woke up to the smell of food cooking downstairs.
As he walked downstairs, he found April Maye in the kitchen.
Kevin and April had been back in each other’s lives for about two months now, after nineteen years of having been apart. April had got done with a greatest hits tour about a month and a half ago, and had been staying with Kevin since.
Years of high energy performances, stage diving, and several skateboarding accidents had taken its toll on the forty-year old April, and she was known to take VERY long breaks in between tours. It didn’t matter, though. April Maye was a certified legend, ESPECIALLY in Canada, and she had made her money. She was really just doing it for her still rabid fanbase at this point.
“Oh, so you cooking BREAKFAST breakfast, huh?” Kevin said. “What all is this?”
“Eggs, oreilles de crisse, fèves au lard, toast, cretons, and maple syrup,” April said.
“I know what exactly only THREE of what you said is, but it smell good so I’ma eat it anyway,” Kevin said. “Gotta keep them proteins up.”
April snorted and laughed.
“So Bloodlaw 5 is definitely happening, la,” April said.
“April,” Kevin said. “Those movies routinely gross around 500 to 700 million in revenue against miniscule budgets. Ballad of Bloodlaw did 550 mil on a 75 mil budget, including marketing. Of course it’s happening. I’m staying prepared for when I get the word. Because I WILL get the word.”
“Can I get a soundtrack placement? Or two?” April asked.
“A Bloodlaw movie with an entire April Maye soundtrack would be the best one, no doubt,” Kevin said.
They smiled at each other in that moment.
* * *
“You know, I’ve been listening to some of Simone’s music,” April said. “Especially the song ‘Konvergens’. It’s really good. I’m not really understanding why most of her songs are nearly fifteen minutes long, but I kind of dig the six minutes of wordless, rhythmic chanting.”
“Yeah, I thought so too,” Kevin said. “That’s why I funded and helped her self-release her album. She has her fans. But honestly, it’s too experimental to really take off anywhere. Sloane’s angry ass sold her a bridge in the Sahara that she was gonna make her pop off. They love it on TikTok, so I guess that’s something…..”
“But hey, it’s still a bop, though. A long ass, fifteen minute BOP.”
“Speaking of Sloane,” April said. “What is exactly her problem with you? Tabarnak de marde, Kevin. She leaves a note under the door literally every week saying that you should be ashamed of what you did, la. What did you do, like really?”
“Not a damn thing, April,” Kevin said. “Tabernacle Demarco for real. And that’s why she BIG mad. Because I ain’t gave her a good enough reason to be. She need therapy, the LORT, and some of that oohwee to take the edge off. Zoloft or Ativan or something. I know Tabernacle Demarco got that GOOD good that will probably get her RIGHT….”
“Or most likely not. It’s Sloane. Definitely NOT.”
April laughed.
“No chance in hell,” she said.
* * *
“Speaking of doing something to someone,” Kevin said, “You ever gonna tell me what you did to Dan Wegman from Quarterfront? You said one day. Today is a day, and it’s one of them, April. I need ANSWERS.”
“Absolutely….”
“Not,” April said. “Today is a day, and it is one of them, but it’s not THE day.”
“You just gonna hold that one close to the chest, huh?” Kevin said.
“So close, it’s in my bra,” April said.
She then came over to Kevin and whispered in his ear.
“And I’m currently not wearing one,” she said.
She then playfully nibbled on Kevin’s ear.
“Girl you better not start nothing you can’t finish early this—” Kevin started.
Just then his phone rang. It was Janelle Cross, Kevin’s new manager. He fired his last one because he started sounding like Charlie Brown’s mama 24/7. Kevin answered the phone.
“Janelle!” Kevin said. “What’s good?”
“Yeah, hey Kevin, I just got an email from a Hannah Reeves asking about you and April doing another appearance on a podcast called Mutuals. Who is this?”
“You know who that is, Janelle,” Kevin said. “That’s the podcast that put me and April back in touch. Young lady, kind of dense—”
Janelle cut him off.
“Ohhh, ok,” Janelle said. “She’s dumb as hell. As HELL, Kevin. But I’m gonna let that be your call.”
“April!!” Kevin exclaimed. “Hannah Reeves wants us to come back on Mutuals. What do you think?”
“’Sti de tabarnak,” April said.
“Come on, we kind of owe her a big one though,” Kevin said. “Besides, it’s kind of fun messing with her goofy ass.”
“Well, you do have a point there,” April said. “I’m in.”
“Tell her we’ll do it, Janelle,” Kevin said.
“Alright. You got it,” Janelle said. She hung up.
“Janelle is gonna set it up,” Kevin said. “And don’t worry about it, we’ll probably just end up walking out again.”
“Most likely,” April said.
Little did they know, that was the understatement of the century.
