Chapter 1
Ya Allah this university is bigger than i imagined...
Help me oh my Nasir.. please help me to get used to this new place of my new beginning.
Then she enters by saying-
Bismillah..
She notices the students walked past her in groups, laughing loudly.
She tightened her grip on the strap of her bag and whispered the dua her mother made her repeat before leaving home -
Rabbi zidni ilma wa fahwa
Everything felt so fast. Too fast.
A girl with a neatly pinned hijab, nervous eyes and a heart carrying more fears than confidence.
Everyone rushed here and there as if they have already memorized this place.
She adjusted the sleeves of her abaya and looked down the folded paper clutched in her palms.
Room no 210. Her classroom number which was written by her father almost 3 times before she left home and she remembered remember the words of her father "don't lose it"
She inhaled slowly as if she wasn't already trying not to lose herself..
Then quietly, most inaudibly she whispered
Ya ilahi you are my only strength and I'm taking a step forward by taking your name and then she says " Bismillah"..
She entered the room with nervous eyes and a heart filled with fear. It felt as though everyone was looking at her.
Quietly, she walked into the classroom and took a seat wherever she found an empty place. She sat in the second row.
After a while, a lecturer entered the room, and everyone immediately stood up — so did she.
The lecturer introduced himself and briefly spoke about the subject he would be teaching. Soon, time passed as he continued explaining the college rules, regulations, and other formalities.
The entire day wasn’t really serious. It was mostly a conversation day, just like every other lecturer who came in and introduced themselves.
Eventually, it was time to leave for home. One by one, everyone began leaving the classroom, so she quietly made her way to the college bus and finally reached home.
It had been a slightly tiring day.
As soon as she entered the house, she softly said, “Assalamualaikum.”
“Waalaikumassalam,” everyone replied warmly.
She dropped her bag near the couch and sat down tiredly. Her mother looked at her with concern and asked,
“How was your day, my dear?”
She sighed softly before replying,
“It wasn’t that tiring, Mom… but yeah, I still feel exhausted. Today, lecturers just kept coming into the classrooms, introducing themselves, and explaining the college rules and regulations.”
Her mother smiled gently.
“In sha Allah, you’ll get adjusted within a few days. Just focus on your studies. Your actual classes will begin very soon.”
Later that night, after dinner, she opened a small notebook and began writing.
“Ya Allah… today wasn’t anything special, nor was it too overwhelming for a beginning. But I seek refuge in You from everyone I know and everyone I don’t know, because this dunya scares me sometimes.
Still, You gave me the courage to step into it, because I know You will always remain beside me every single time.
Ya Rabbi, help me every day as I enter a university where I’ll be surrounded by so many people and seen by countless non-mahrams. Protect my eyes, protect my faith, and protect my chastity.
Ya Allah, save me from every sin — intentional or unintentional. Help me preserve my modesty, my haya, my iman, and even my sanity, for Your sake and for the one who is written for me in the future.
I don’t want to fall into sins that distance me from You.
I love You so much, my Al-Wadood.
And I’m grateful… truly grateful… that You allowed me to enter such a reputable university. Alhamdulillah for the parents You blessed me with — parents who support me in everything I do.
Thank You, my Allah, for letting me be their daughter.”
Before going to bed she placed the diary in shelf and slowly drifted into sleep while zikr..
She slowly opened her eyes and glanced at the clock beside her bed.
Her heart skipped a beat.
She had run out of time.
She had woken up early for Fajr, but the moment she finished praying, she accidentally dozed off again — and now she was terribly late.
“Ya Allah…”
Hurriedly getting up from the bed, she rushed toward the washroom before quickly getting ready for university. Her hands moved nervously as she adjusted her abaya and pinned her veil properly.
She barely managed to take a few bites of breakfast before grabbing her bag.
As she hurried toward the door while fixing the knot of her veil, her mother called out loudly from the kitchen,
“When you step outside, make sure to recite your dua… and don’t forget to eat your meals on time!”
She smiled faintly.
“Yeah sure, Mumma. I’m leaving now. Allah Hafiz.”
“Allah Hafiz, beta.”
The college bus had already arrived by the time she reached the pickup point.
Seeing it parked there made her panic slightly, causing her to quicken her steps until she finally managed to get inside.
Breathing softly in relief, she took an empty seat near the window.
Outside, the morning breeze carried the scent of dust, chai stalls, and traffic. Students filled the roads with sleepy faces and unfinished conversations while she quietly stared outside, lost in her own thoughts.
Soon, the university came into view.
She stepped out of the bus and walked toward the notice board, carefully searching for her classroom number among the crowded lists.
First Year B.Tech — CSE
After finding it, she quietly made her way upstairs.
As soon as she entered the classroom, noise surrounded her from every direction.
Everyone seemed busy talking to each other as if they had known one another for years.
Some students laughed loudly.
Some sat in groups sharing snacks.
Some were already taking selfies together.
And some freely chatted with the opposite gender without hesitation.
She suddenly felt out of place.
As if she was the only person in the room who had nobody.
Quietly, she walked toward an empty seat and sat down, adjusting the sleeves of her abaya nervously.
Her eyes slowly wandered around the room.
Then, lowering her gaze slightly, she whispered under her breath,
“Ya Allah… why didn’t You give me my friend back?”
“If she were here, I wouldn’t feel this lonely.”
“Everyone already seems so happy…”
“But still… I trust Your plans.”
Just then, the bell rang.
A lady lecturer entered the classroom, causing everyone to stand up.
“Good morning, students.”
“Good morning, ma’am,” the class replied together.
She introduced herself as the English lecturer before beginning a discussion about communication skills.
After speaking for a while, she smiled at the class and said,
“Alright then, let’s introduce ourselves one by one.”
Her eyes shifted toward the first bench.
“Excuse me, mister in the first row. Would you like to introduce yourself?”
A boy stood up calmly.
“Sure, ma’am.”
His voice was soft yet clear.
“My name is Muhammad Althaf, and I’m currently pursuing first-year B.Tech in the stream of Computer Science Engineering.”
The lecturer nodded appreciatively before asking the next student to continue. She quietly looked down at her desk again.
After some time, the bell rang, signaling the end of the period.
The lecturer left the classroom, and soon break time began.
She quietly opened her lunch box and started eating while students around her continued laughing and talking loudly.
A few minutes later, another lecturer entered the class for Mathematics.
As usual, everyone stood up to greet him before sitting down again.
The lecturer introduced a topic and soon wrote a problem on the board.
“You all have five minutes to solve this.”
The classroom immediately fell silent.
Pens moved.
Pages turned.
And nervous sighs quietly filled the room.
After a few minutes, the lecturer turned toward the class again.
“So… did anybody solve the problem?”
Silence.
Not a single hand was raised.
Then suddenly—
“Yes, sir.” the girl who answered froze the moment the words left her mouth.
Her eyes widened slightly.
Why did I answer…?
The lecturer smiled immediately.
“Very good. What’s your name, dear?”
Slowly standing up from her seat, she replied softly,
“My name is Humayra .”
“Well done, Humayra . You’re quite smart and fast.”
He then turned toward the class.
“Everyone, give her a round of applause.”
The entire classroom burst into claps.
Humayra instantly lowered her head, her cheeks turning red from embarrassment.
She hated being noticed.
Hated feeling seen by so many eyes at once.
But somehow, the universe always seemed to place her in situations she wanted to avoid the most.
As she sat down again, whispers started from behind her.
“It was so easy.”
“Then why didn’t you solve it?” another girl replied.
A few students laughed softly.
Humayra heard everything.
Even though she pretended not to.
Eventually, lunch break began.
Humayra quietly stepped outside the classroom and wandered through the corridors with her phone in her hand.
After looking around nervously for a while,
She finally searched in Google: “How to find a place in university where nobody is there to pray?”
It was already Zuhr time.
She desperately wanted to offer her salah but had no idea where to go.
Just then, the sound of azaan echoed faintly nearby.
Looking outside the corridor window, she noticed a small group of girls walking somewhere together.
Without thinking much, she quietly followed them.
The girls stopped near the washroom area.
“One minute, wait for me till I make wudhu,” one of them said.
That was enough to give Humayra courage.
Nervously approaching them, she asked softly,
“Excuse me… are you all going to pray?”
One of the girls smiled warmly.
“Yes, we are. Would you like to join us?”
Relief instantly softened Humayra’s face.
“Yes… I was actually searching for a place to pray, but I don’t know this university properly yet.” “No worries,” another girl replied kindly. “Come with us. We usually pray on the third floor.”
And for the first time that day—
Humayra didn’t feel completely alone.
By the time afternoon classes ended, it was already evening.
Dark clouds had covered the sky outside.
Heavy rain poured endlessly across the university campus as students hurried toward buses and exits.
Humayra packed her bag quietly before stepping into the corridor.
That was when she noticed a lecturer struggling with several files near the stairs.
Some papers slipped from her hands and scattered into the rain.
Humayra instinctively moved forward to help--
But before she could reach her, someone else already had.
A boy holding an umbrella quickly bent down and gathered the fallen papers carefully before handing them back to the lecturer.
“Thank you so much, dear,” the lecturer said with relief.
Then she paused.
“Oh… you’re from Computer Science, right?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“I remember your name now… Althaf, correct?”
The boy smiled softly.
“Yes, Hayath ma’am.”
The lecturer smiled warmly.
“Thank you, Althaf. If you hadn’t helped me, I would’ve lost half these papers today.”
“It’s alright, ma’am.”
“And by the way,” she added, “you performed well in class today.”
Althaf looked slightly awkward at the praise.
“Oh… really?”
“You just need to improve your confidence a little. You seem too shy to express yourself.”
He smiled quietly without saying much.
Then the lecturer adjusted the heavy files in her hands again.
“Alright then, time to leave. Take care, dear.”
Just as she was about to leave, Althaf suddenly held out his umbrella toward her.
“Ma’am, please take this. It’s raining heavily outside.”
The lecturer looked surprised.
“No, Althaf. It’s okay, I’ll manage somehow.”
“It’s alright,” he replied gently. “The files will get wet.”
Without waiting for another response, he handed her the umbrella and quickly walked away into the rain himself.
Hayath ma’am watched him leave with a smile of admiration.
A few steps away, Humayra had silently witnessed everything.
A small smile appeared on her face.
And quietly, almost like a dua, she whispered: "May Allah help you too..."
“Althaf, right?”
“May Allah bless you and help you too.”
Then, holding her bag close to herself, she quietly walked toward her bus and left for home.
After reaching home, she entered the house softly saying,
“Assalamualaikum.”
“Wa alaykum assalam,” both her parents replied warmly.
Her father looked at her and smiled.
“So, Humayra… how was your day? Have your actual classes started?”
She nodded while placing her bag near the couch.
“Yes, Abbu. Today our real lessons started, and everything already feels busy. We even got topics to complete as homework before tomorrow.”
Her mother, Azeezah, chuckled lightly.
“So now there will be no more complaints about free classes?”
Humayra laughed softly.
“Who said I won’t complain? I was all alone today… no one at all.”
Then her expression softened slightly.
“But yeah… I met some girls who invited me for salah.”
“Mashallah,” her father replied warmly. “You found friends who reminded you of prayer. That itself is a blessing.”
Humayra lowered her gaze slightly.
“I missed Zahra today… I kept remembering how we used to pray together back in college.”
Azeezah smiled gently.
“Those were your favorite moments, weren’t they?”
Humayra nodded quietly.
Later that night, the family sat together for dinner.
While eating, Humayra suddenly asked,
“Mama, when is Omar coming home?”
Azeezah sighed softly.
“I don’t know. He said it might take another two or three days.”
Humayra frowned dramatically.
“How long does he plan on hanging out with his friends? Don’t his classes start already?”
Her father laughed lightly.
“Let him enjoy his break. Once university becomes serious again, he’ll barely get time to breathe with his MBBS.”
Omar Zayd was Humayra’s twin brother.
Even though they weren’t exact copies of each other, their features still carried a noticeable resemblance.
Unlike Humayra, Omar was pursuing MBBS in Neuro Anatomy at the same university. Both siblings had earned seats in KSU , king Saud University, though in completely different fields.
That night, while lying on her bed, Humayra opened her phone and messaged her best friend.
Assalamualaikum, Zahra.
Soon, message after message followed
She told her about university, the awkwardness, the loneliness, and how much she wished they had ended up in the same place together.
Zahra Jazmyn had been one of the closest people in her life.
They weren’t childhood friends, but they had become inseparable after high school. Before university, they studied in the same college, prayed together, laughed together, and shared almost everything.
But life eventually pulled both families into different cities.
And now both girls lived far away from the world they once shared together.
After texting for a while,
Humayra placed her phone aside and walked toward her bookshelf.
Carefully taking out her Qur’an, she sat quietly near her bed and recited for some time before finally falling asleep peacefully.
The next morning, she woke up early for Fajr.
After offering salah and freshening up, she was arranging her books when suddenly her phone started ringing.
A smile instantly appeared on her face.
Omar Zayd Calling…
She picked up immediately.
“Assalamualaikum, Omar. What made you call this early?”
“Humayra, turn on your camera,” he replied excitedly. “I want to show you something beautiful.”
She laughed softly.
“Oh wow… now you remember me after disappearing for days? Fine, wait.”
As soon as she turned on her camera, the screen stayed dark.
“Omar Zayd,” she sighed dramatically, “my innocent brother… turn your camera on too. I can’t see anything.”
He laughed.
“Okay fine. On the count of three.”
“One…”
“Two…”
“Two and a half…”
Humayra yelled “Omar!”
“And three.”
The camera suddenly turned on.
Humayra’s eyes widened instantly.
A breathtaking sunrise stretched across the sky behind the Eiffel Tower.
Golden light painted the clouds beautifully while the early morning atmosphere looked calm and unreal.
“Ya Allah… Omar!”
Her face immediately lit up with excitement.
“When did you go to Paris?!”
She stared at the screen in complete amazement.
“It’s beautiful… Mashallah, Tabarakallah… the sunrise looks so peaceful.”
“I knew you’d love it,” he replied proudly. “That’s why I called you. Look how calm everything feels here."
“What time is it there?” she asked softly.
“5:55 AM,” he replied. “So it should be around 6:55 there, right?”
“Yeah…”
Then she narrowed her eyes dramatically.
“So you went there with your friends and left me behind?”
Omar laughed loudly.
“I’m serious!” she continued. “I’m telling Mama everything. When you come back, you better bring me here too. I want to experience this myself."
“In sha Allah,” he replied teasingly. “One day I’ll take you there.”
Then after a pause, he added:
“Now go give the phone to Mama and Abbu.”
“Yeah wait… but tell me, Omar, when are you coming back home?” Humayra asked curiously.
“I’m not exactly sure,” Omar replied casually. “But Abbu already called me about it. He wants me back soon… and honestly, I’m running out of money too, so I’ll probably return earlier than planned.”
Then he added teasingly,
“Don’t cry too much while I’m gone, okay?”
Humayra scoffed dramatically.
“Who’s crying? Definitely not me. But you better bring me something special from every place you visited.”
Omar laughed softly.
“Okay, my sister. I got you. Now hurry and give the phone to Mama before the sunrise disappears.”
Humayra handed the phone to her mother while smiling to herself.
The family continued talking with Omar for quite some time before eventually ending the call.
Soon, time skipped to university.
As Humayra entered the campus building, everything felt slightly more familiar than before.
The hallways no longer seemed as overwhelming.
After checking the notice board, she quietly made her way toward Room 304.
Inside the classroom, students were already talking loudly with one another while some laughed in groups as if they had known each other forever.
After a few minutes, a lecturer entered the classroom.
Serious classes finally began.
Humayra listened carefully while writing down every important point.
Suddenly—
Her phone vibrated softly inside her bag.
Her face instantly brightened.
The message was from her favorite person.
Zahra Jazmyn.
Quietly opening the message under the desk, she read:
“Wa alaikum assalam, Humayra. How’s university going?
I feel the same here… I wish you were here, or I was there with you.”
A small ache settled in Humayra’s chest.
For a moment, she didn’t know what to reply.
So she silently placed her phone back inside her bag and returned her attention toward the lecture.
A little later, the professor closed his notebook and announced,
“Everyone must complete the assignment before the day after tomorrow. No excuses will be accepted.”
“Yes, sir,” the class responded together.
“Alright then,” he said while walking toward the door. “Enjoy your break.”
The moment he left, the classroom filled with noise again.
Humayra immediately took out her phone.
“Alhamdulillah, Jazmyn. I’m okay here. How are you doing?”
Then after a pause, she typed again:
“Come to Riyadh someday with your family… maybe our families can finally meet again.
I really miss you.”
After sending the message, she quietly turned off her phone.
Soon, break time ended.
Another class began.
It was Communicative English.
As soon as the lecturer entered, the entire class stood up.
“Good morning, ma’am.”
“Good morning,” Hayath ma’am replied warmly before placing her books on the table.
Before beginning the lecture, her eyes landed on a familiar student.
“Oh, Althaf,” she smiled softly. “How are you?
The boy looked up politely.
“I’m good, ma’am.”
“And thank you again for the umbrella the other day,” she continued warmly. “You left before even listening to me properly. Did you reach home safely?”
A soft smile appeared on his face.
“It was no big deal, ma’am. And yes, I reached safely.”
A few seats away, Humayra quietly overheard the conversation.
Without realizing it, a small smile appeared on her face too.
Soon, Hayath ma’am began the lesson.
Time passed quickly.
As the class finally came to an end, she closed her marker and announced:
“Everyone should be ready for tomorrow’s seminar. No excuses will be accepted. I’ll send the topics in the class group.”
Suddenly, a student spoke up from the back.
“Ma’am… we still don’t have a class group.”
Hayath blinked in disbelief.
“You all still haven’t made one? It’s already been more than a week!”
The entire class laughed awkwardly.
“Fine then,” she sighed while taking out a small paper from her notebook.
Her eyes scanned the classroom before stopping at one student.
“Alright everyone, give your numbers to… Althaf.”
The entire class turned toward him instantly.
Hayath walked closer and handed him a small paper containing her number.
“Here,” she said casually. “Create the group and collect everyone’s numbers for me.”
Althaf sat frozen in his seat while the small paper remained in his hand.
The classroom around him was still noisy. Some students were leaving their seats while others were busy talking among themselves.
But his mind had already gone somewhere else entirely.
“How am I even supposed to do this…?”
He stared at the paper again.
"Collect everyone’s numbers.
It sounded simple."
Yet for him, it felt unexpectedly difficult.
"Talking to boys was normal.
But girls?
Non-mahrams?".
His heart immediately felt uncomfortable.
He lowered his gaze slightly and leaned back into his chair.
“Ya Allah… You know I’m not doing this with wrong intentions.”
He rubbed his fingers together nervously.
“I’m only doing this because Hayath ma’am trusted me with this responsibility.”
For a few moments, he stayed quiet, thinking deeply.
Then suddenly, an idea appeared in his mind.
“Maybe I can ask one of the boys to collect the girls’ numbers instead…”
For a second, the idea sounded easier.
But almost immediately, another thought interrupted him.
He frowned slightly.
“No…"
He slowly shook his head.
“That wouldn’t feel right either.”
His grip on the paper tightened unconsciously.
“If I tell another boy to go and interact with girls because of me… then wouldn’t I also become a reason behind that interaction?”
The thought unsettled him.
“It would feel like I’m building a bridge for unnecessary communication between non-mahrams myself.”
He sighed quietly.
“Even if the intention is harmless… I still don’t want to become the reason for something unnecessary.”
He leaned forward slightly, elbows resting on the desk.
“And if I keep passing the responsibility to someone else, then what’s the point? Hayath ma’am trusted me with this task.”
He closed his eyes for a brief second.
“Ya Allah… please forgive me if I make mistakes unknowingly.”
The nervousness still remained inside his chest.
But now at least, his thoughts felt clearer.
Then another idea slowly came to him.
“What if… I just ask one girl respectfully to collect the girls’ numbers?”
He paused again.
That felt more reasonable.
Minimal interaction.
Less discomfort.
Less unnecessary conversation.
And the task would still get completed properly.
He nodded to himself slightly.
“Yes… that’s better.”
Then slowly his eyes wandered across the classroom carefully. The noise around him still hasn't settled
Students were still busy talking about assignments, seminars
Some laughing loudly near the windows
Some walking around.
Meanwhile he remained seated quietly with the small paper in his hand.
His finger tightened around it unconsciously
“Ya Allah… just make this easy.”
He carefully looked around again, trying to think calmly.
Most students were already in groups.
Some were surrounded by friends.
Some were busy on their phones.
And some looked too occupied for him to interrupt.
Then his gaze slowly paused near the front rows.
And then—
His gaze stopped near the first bench.
A girl was sitting alone quietly.
No group around. No conversation. Just quietly sitting at the desk while organizing books.
For a moment, he immediately looked away again out of nervousness.
“Ya Allah…”
He exhaled slowly.
“Why does even asking for help feel this difficult…”
"Maybe... Asking someone sitting alone would be easier." But immediately his nervousness returned again. His heartbeat quickened slightly. "Why does this feel harder than answering seminar questions". His heartbeat quickened slightly.
“Why does this feel harder than answering seminar questions…”
He looked away again for a second before forcing himself to breathe properly.
"It's Not wrong. You are only asking for help respectfully, it's only a respectful conversation , still" his heartbeat refuse to corporate his mind refers to come down completely. Rubbed his farms together nervously under the desk. "Althaf.. stop overthinking. Stop acting like this. You're just asking for help, not committing a crime".
But despite trying to convince himself, the nervousness stayed exactly where it was.
Then quietly inside his heart, he whispered another small dua.
" Ya Allah... Help me speak properly without making this awkward, make me look calmer and make this easy for me" .
After gathering enough courage , taking one final deep breath he slowly stood up from his seat, carefully walked towards the first desk
Each step somehow felt heavier than normal.
The closer he walked towards the front bench, the more aware he became of his own heartbeat.
Finally stopping beside the desk, his words almost got stuck in his throat. His throat suddenly felt dry.
for a second he genuinely considered turning around and sitting back.
But then he reminded himself: "you already came this far"
After hesitating for a brief moment, taking one final deep breath, he finally spoke out softly.
"Excuse me..."
