Chapter One: 3 Months In.
“Okay, class, we’re not going to do any work today. But I do have something y’all can do for a participation grade,” my professor said, setting his coffee on the desk before walking up to the board.
“I hope it ain’t something we gotta do outside,” the girl next to me muttered while picking at her nails.
“Shit, I hope not.”
“Alright, class!” Professor Whitman clapped his hands together. “I want everybody to gather around in one big circle.”
As everyone got up and moved toward the front of the room, I followed, leaving my belongings behind. Some students talked amongst themselves while Professor Whitman organized his papers. I glanced around the classroom.
The class was diverse. Some students were loud, some were quiet, and a few even took every opportunity to freestyle rap whenever they got the chance.
Me?
I usually sat in silence until something happened or someone spoke to me. I didn’t talk unless I was spoken to first or unless I absolutely had to ask a question, which was rare.
After high school, my plan was to take a year off before going to college. I wasn’t ready to jump straight into it.
But now?
Here I was. A freshman.
I’d been on campus for three months and was doing pretty well. I still didn’t know most people’s names, not that I cared much anyway. I only recognized a handful of faces.
I stayed on campus and visited my parents every now and then.
“Alright, so I decided to try something a little different today,” Professor Whitman said, drawing my attention back to him. “I want us to discuss some personal topics.”
I frowned.
“It’s for a participation grade, but if you don’t want to participate, that’s your choice.”
He dragged a chair into the center of the circle and sat down, crossing one leg over the other.
“Why exactly are we doing this all of a sudden?” Briana asked, raising her hand.
“I know I’ve been a little hard on y’all,” he admitted. “I want to get to know you better. I want to hear your thoughts, your feelings. Maybe be the cool professor for once instead of loading you up with assignments.”
The class laughed.
“Here’s how it’s going to work. I’ll ask a personal question, and we’ll go around the circle sharing our answers. Everybody gets two minutes to think.”
“It’s like thirty people in this class, Professor.”
“I mean, if you’d rather have work…” he says, trailing off.
The room instantly went quiet.
“That’s what I thought.”
A few students laughed nervously.
“Let’s get started.”
Shifting in my seat, I began to grow nervous. I wasn’t the type to speak up in class.
“Is love a feeling or a commitment?” Professor Whitman asked, looking around the room. “You guys have two minutes to think about it.”
I knew he said he wanted to ask personal questions to get to know us better, but damn. That was deep. Maybe too deep.
Was love a feeling or a commitment?
Personally, I didn’t think many people were really in it for the long haul anyway. Most people seemed more interested in temporary feelings than anything lasting.
“Alright, time’s up. Who wants to go first?” Professor Whitman asks as a student raised his hand. “Jeremih. Is love a feeling or a commitment?”
“I think it’s a commitment.”
“No, it isn’t. It’s a feeling,” a girl interrupted.
“I didn’t ask you,” Jeremih shot back dryly, making her frown.
I couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle. He didn’t have to do her like that.
“I asked Jeremih, not Jessica,” Professor Whitman said firmly before turning back to him. “You were saying?”
“I said it’s a commitment.”
“Okay. Why?”
“Because once you love someone, it’s just something you can’t help but feel,” he explained. “Commitment is about choosing to stay with somebody. Love isn’t always necessary for that.”
“Very good. José?”
“Nah, I’m good.”
Slowly, I raised my hand, instantly regretting it.
“Keri?”
“Um…” I cleared my throat. “I think it’s a feeling. Falling in love is easy almost effortless but losing that feeling is hard.”
“I agree.”
A male voice spoke from across the circle, causing me to glance over.
Since I’d been in this class, I’d never heard him speak before. I didn’t even know his name.
He was pretty cute, though.
“And can you explain why you think it’s not a commitment?” Professor Whitman asked.
“The best way I can explain it is that a person might want to be with someone because they genuinely care about them, or because that person brings them comfort,” I said with a shrug. “Sometimes it’s the feeling itself that motivates them.”
A few people nodded before the class broke into applause.
“How about you, Brian?”
Brian leaned back in his chair.
“Let me see.” He chuckled. “I’d say it’s a feeling because you have to stay committed if you want that feeling to last.”
“True,” Randy agreed. “Some people aren’t really in love. They just enjoy the comfort and security that comes with it.”
“Exactly!”
“Are y’all enjoying this so far?” Professor Whitman asked.
Most of us nodded.
“This shit wack.”
The room instantly went quiet.
Everyone turned toward the random guy who had spoken.
“Then why are you here, Tony?” a girl snapped.
“We’re not doing this right now,” Professor Whitman said sternly. “If you don’t like it, you’re free to leave.”
Tony huffed but stayed silent.
“I’m sorry about that, Keri. I really liked your answer. Thank you.”
I smiled awkwardly while he moved on.
“Nazir?”
“Wassup?”
“What do you think?”
Nazir shrugged.
“I agree with her. It’s a feeling because you can’t help who your heart falls for. You feel me?”
“I feel you, dawg,” another guy called out.
“Preciate dat.”
“Alright, good answers so far,” Professor Whitman said. “Let’s continue.”
“Wait, can I say something else?”
“Sure, Ashley.”
Ashley sat up in her seat.
“No one wants to talk about how those loving feelings can fade. It takes work to keep love alive. Choosing to stay in love is a decision you have to make every day. You can’t choose who you fall in love with, but you can choose what you do afterward.”
“Excellent answer,” Professor Whitman said before taking a sip of his coffee. “Let’s continue.”
As class ended, I gathered my books and headed toward the parking lot.
I actually enjoyed today’s discussion.
Everyone had different perspectives, and it made me think about things I’d never really considered before.
I opened my car door and tossed my books onto the passenger seat before climbing inside.
Just as I shut the door, someone knocked on my window.
I looked up.
Nazir.
I rolled the window down.
“Yeah?”
“Sorry if I’m catchin’ you at a bad time,” he said. “I just wanted to tell you that you had a good point in class.”
“Thank you.” I smiled. “I understood what you meant, too.”
“No problem.”
He leaned casually against my car.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“I would’ve asked somebody else, but after hearing some of those answers…” He laughed. “You can tell some people simple-minded.”
I laughed.
“You’re probably right. What’s up?”
“Which one would you agree with more? Love should always feel comfortable, or love should always feel new and exciting?”
I frowned.
That was actually a good question.
Should love feel comfortable?
Or should it always feel exciting?
I bit my lip as I thought about it.
Damn.
That was harder than I expected.
“Honestly, that’s a difficult question.” I glanced toward the passenger seat. “You mind getting in real fast? I don’t wanna keep you standing there.”
“Fasho.”
“You not a killer or anything, right?”
“Nah.” He laughed. “If I was, I probably wouldn’t be in college.”
“Fair enough.”
I unlocked the door.
He jogged around the car and climbed into the passenger seat.
“So?” he asked.
I thought about it for another moment.
“To answer your question, I think love should feel comfortable.”
Nazir nodded slowly.
For a brief second, his eyes drifted toward my lips before meeting my gaze again.
It didn’t feel creepy.
If anything, it felt like he was trying to understand me.
“Is dat right?” he asked with a grin.
His smile revealed a row of bright white teeth.
“Interesting.”
“Thank you?”
“Keri, right?”
I nodded.
Considering we’d never spoken during the three months we’d shared a class, I was surprised he remembered my name.
“Nazir, right?”
“The one and only.”
We both laughed.
“Nice meeting you outside of class, anyway.”
“You too.”
He looked at me for another second before reaching for the door.
“Well, I’m gonna get goin’.”
“Alright.”
Then an idea crossed my mind.
“Wait.”
He turned back around.
“Wassup?”
I hesitated.
“Why do you think falling in love is so scary?”
For a moment, Nazir just stared at me.
Then he licked his lips and met my eyes.
“Because real love makes most of us feel vulnerable.”
My breath caught.
I wasn’t expecting an answer like that.
Without another word, he stepped out of the car and jogged toward his own.
A minute later, he was gone.
I sat there staring through the windshield.
Maybe I was overthinking things.
Maybe my mind was playing tricks on me.
But there was something about Nazir that felt different.
Something about him made it feel like we’d known each other longer than a single conversation in a parking lot.
And somehow, that thought lingered with me long after he drove away.
Shaking it off, I started the engine and pulled out of the parking lot, deciding food would be much easier to figure out than whatever had just happened between us.
