Naughty Neighbours

Annie

The heat of the sunny afternoon brought a halt to my tending the garden. So I decided to enjoy sipping a well-deserved raspberry gin and tonic when I heard ‘him’ next door swearing from his shed. I rolled my eyes, wondering what it was this time.

Placing my glass down on the table, I stood up and went over to the fence for the afternoon’s entertainment. Bob appeared out of his shed, dragging something out. Knowing Bob would be there for a while, I grabbed my glass off the table and stood sipping it whilst Bob carried on.

Bob and I had a neighbourly friendship, and we loved taking the piss out of each other. I’m sure I was the highlight of his day.

The old codger had dug out an old pool which I remember his son got for the grandchildren when they came over.

I lean on the fence and watch him; for an old timer, he wasn’t too bad looking.

“You checking me out again, Annie?” His laugh was infectious.

“Ah, you wish, you old bastard.” I chuckle as I sip my drink to hide the blush he had created.

“Too damn hot, so I remembered this beast.” He puffed out as he opened up the paddling pool he had got for his grandkids.

“Would you like a drink?” I swill the rest of mine around before I down it. What the hell, I’m old and can do what I like.

He stops what he is doing and comes over to the fence. “What are you going to give me this time?” He looked at my glass.

“Oh, I’ve got beers in the fridge for you; you’re not touching my good stuff.” My smile widens.

“Annie, you keep breaking my heart. You know how much I want to touch you.” He winked and blew me a kiss. “But I would appreciate a beer, Sugarplum.”

“I’ll have to charge you for that beer now.” I walk off chuckling to myself.

Knowing the first one would hardly touch the sides, I brought two out for him and poured myself another gin and tonic. He was patting his forehead with his top, which he had now removed. Shit, he looks better than I remember. Maybe I need another drink to get me through this.

“You know, we should just make a gate between our fences. It will be a lot easier than having to stand and talk over the fence. I could sit down and enjoy this drink next to you, Sugarplum.” He downed the first drink and let out an enormous sigh of satisfaction.

“There is no way I’m having you wandering about my garden unmanned; you would probably fall over drunk in my prized flowerbeds or something.” I had to hide my smirk as his cheeks flushed pink.

I had seen him one evening when I was watering my garden after the sun had gone down. He was pissed out of his head, not long after coming back from the pub, was my guess. He stumbled in his garden and landed face-first in his bushes along the side. To this day, I still don’t know why he would come out into his garden after drinking.

“Aww, Sugarplum, you’re just wondering if I might sneak up on you and grab that chunky ass of yours.” His eyes sparkled with mischief.

“I wouldn’t let you near my ass with your dirty hands.” I chuckle and sip my drink.

He takes a glug from his bottle whilst he grins from ear to ear. “Do you fancy a dip in the pool with me?” He raises an eyebrow.

“With you? No, I don’t trust you.” I finished the drink left in my glass and suddenly wondered how it disappeared so fast.

“I’m just going to get my hose out and fill it up.” He blows me a kiss, then heads off to roll out his hose to fill the pool.

I watch the cheeky bugger as he flaunts his body about. I have to chuckle as I wonder how burnt the bastard is going to get from the sun, as I never saw him put sunscreen on.

After refilling my glass, I changed into something more revealing and put sunscreen on before going back out.

His pool is half-full and looks very inviting. I wonder where he has disappeared to. I didn’t have to wait long as he appeared in a pair of bright blue swimming shorts, strutting his stuff. The picture of a comical chicken’s head strategically placed, with the words ‘stop staring at my cock’ written next to it. I had to cover my mouth to hide the laugh at his shorts. His eyes met mine, and his mouth broke out into a grin.

“So, Sugarplum, are you tempted to join me now?” He came over and leant on the fence and glanced over what I was wearing. “You can just take off your shorts; I want to see what granny pants you have on. Are you wearing cotton ones?” His cheeky grin widened.

“For a start, you should have a wrinkled-up prune on the front of your shorts instead of a cock. And I wouldn’t strip off and show you what kind of underwear I have on, in a million years.” I rolled my eyes at him.

Bob

I knew when I walked over to tease her some more she would find the swim shorts amusing. She has quick-witted answers to everything, and that’s what I love about her. We may be old and at the stage in life where romance between an older couple may make others gag. Truth be told, this woman already has my heart.

Many years ago, after my wife died, I was heartbroken. Annie and her then-husband helped me through the hard times. Annie’s husband died a few years ago, and I returned the favour.

We found that by amusing each other with our little chats, they soon became the norm between us and formed the relationship we have now.

I never thought I would find love again, but I wouldn’t mind putting my old love stick into her, just to find out if I’ve still got it. I used to love sex when I was younger and I can still pump one out in my hand whilst I fantasise about Annie next door.

She rolled her eyes at me; I’m sure I caught a glimpse of a smirk at the corner of her lips. I love it when I can get her worked up. I step back and smooth down the front of my shorts.

“Do you want to check out my package? Then you can tell me if it is a prune or a huge snake tucked away, just waiting to be woken up by your hand.” I grab my junk in my hand and shuffle it about.

“Don’t you dare start getting it out; I wouldn’t want you to embarrass yourself around here?” She watches me carefully, probably wondering if I will or not.

“Too late for that, then, love, isn’t it?” Yes, I vaguely remember being drunk and falling over in my garden somewhere. I chuckle and head back to the pool, which is pretty full now. I turn off the hose and dip my toes in first. The cold water was refreshing, but I didn’t realise how cold it was until I sat down in it. “

“Bloody hell!” I gasp.

“If you weren’t the size of a prune before, you will be now.” Annie chuckled from the other side of the fence before she disappeared into her house. She appeared minutes later with a refill and another bottle for me. I couldn’t help but grin at her.

I took the bottle from her before getting back into the pool. I spent the next half hour relaxing in the pool, but it was too cold, so I got out and stretched out on my sun lounger to dry off.

“Bob… Bob,” Annie was calling me.

I opened my eyes and realised that I had fallen asleep. Shit, how long have I been out? I shield my face with my hand as I sit up. What an idiot I am. I know I’m about to get the wrath of Annie.

“Bob, you fell asleep and… you are now a lobster.” She held back from laughing. “Did you even put sunscreen on?” She rests her arms on the fence.

My skin is hot, so I hop back into the pool to cool off. Thank goodness for the cold water. I don’t think I’m that bad, at least. I look over at her amused face as she watches me. “Are you enjoying the show?” I wink at her, knowing she will roll her eyes at me.

“Don’t come crawling to me later on.” She waves a hand whilst walking off. She stops at her back door before turning back to me. “I’m popping out to the shop. Do you want me to get you anything?”

“I’m alright, love. Maybe later I’ll ask you to do something for me.” I watch her walk off, shaking her head.

As soon as she is gone, I jump out of the pool and head inside. I checked the window and saw her walking up the road. Looking at myself in the mirror.

“Shit, she was right.” I turn to see my back is burnt as well. What an idiot I am.

Deciding to have a quick shower, I moisturise my skin the best I can. I’m confident I can convince Annie to put some on my back. As she arrives back with a bag full of items, I’m filled with a sense of curiosity, wanting to know what she’s bought. I let a moment pass, then walked over and knocked on her door.

“And what can I do for you, Bob?” She opened the door wider and stepped back, inviting me in.

“Well… I may need your hands on my body, Sugarplum.” I hold up the moisturising cream.

“You did this on purpose, didn’t you?” She tuts at me.

“Oh, you know how much I want your hands roaming over my body.” I wink at her along with the grin I can’t get off my face.

Her eye-roll and shake of her head make me chuckle. We enter her kitchen, and as she opens the fridge, the cool air washes over us, and she pulls out a chilled bottle of after-sun. Her eyes met mine, and I saw a definite smirk of amusement.

“Strip, Loverboy.” She places one hand on her hip and motions me to remove my clothing with the other.