Titania's Cradle

The golden kitten purrs contentedly in my lap as I go over my math homework. The royal tutors pretty much leave me alone to do my work. Which can be pretty convenient sometimes.

“Blessing?” I look up to see Hope by the door to my study, hanging shyly on the frame. “Jevaran’s coming to look for Day.” She’s so small, it keeps breaking my heart to see her. I know in my head she’s almost fourteen but she still looks more like eleven. Ever since she was born she’s been sickly and hasn’t seemed to be getting much better even as she grows. It’s especially hard seeing her next to her sisters. The three girls of the quadruplets would be identical otherwise. Well, if Love didn’t dye her hair blonde anyways.

“You should go back to bed. You still need rest.” I gently scold her, pretending I didn’t need her warning.

“I’m tired of resting. If Day’s done with his lessons, he can take me into the garden.” Her accusing tone makes me wince a little inside.

“I can take you. When I’m done.” I promise.

“No, that’s okay.” She sighs, and leaves. I look down at the kitten who just looks up at me with his pitiful blue eyes.

“I know.” I sigh. “You’d better go hide somewhere.” He sighs and hops down off my lap, crawling under my skirt which hits the floor when I sit down. I’m about to tell him to find a better hiding place but I hear Jevaran in the hall.

“You’re supposed to be in bed, little girl.” he scolds her.

“I had to go to the bathroom.” She lies. Not very convincingly either since we’re not even close to her bathroom.

“Bed.” he doesn’t even call her on it. He must be mad.

“Yes, Jevaran.” Hope sighs and trots her little trot back to her room. She must be feeling better, she’s not usually so fast.

“I’m coming in Bless and I’d better not find a kitten in your lap.” he warns me before reaching the door.

“You won’t.” I call back and pretend to focus on the problems before me. He comes in and walks immediately over to me. As promised there is no kitten in my lap.

“Where is he?”

“How am I supposed to know? I’m studying and I believe all my siblings have been ordered not to bother me when I’m studying.” I remind him.

“We both know how well that works.” he looks around the room, suddenly stopping by the balcony to draw back the curtains. “Day. I’m not going to stop looking until I find you. You might as well come out now and save me the trouble.”

“What did he do?” I ask, knowing very well he didn’t do anything. He never does. He’s too busy with lessons and taking care of Hope to get into any trouble. Besides getting in trouble is my job.

“He skipped his lessons.”

“Well, maybe he needed a break. He does need some time to himself every once in a while.” I defend him. “Having four sisters isn’t easy, you know.”

“He should try having a thousand.”

“Yes, yes, we all know you’re fae with an absurd amount of siblings more trouble than any of us could possibly be, but he’s only human and he gets overworked and stressed out.” I sigh. He looks over at me a little suspiciously.

“Stand up.” he orders.

“Do you think I’m sitting on him?” I demand. He just crosses his arms and waits. I sigh and stand up, “Mother… Ahh,”I just manage not to curse as Day frantically climbs up my leg in order not to be revealed by the rising fabric of my skirt. “Dammit, Day.” I reach down and grab him before Jevaran can.

“Language, young lady.”

“He needs a break.” I hold my kitten brother to my chest, hoping our pitiful eyes combined will entice some mercy from him. No such luck.

“Turn him back, Bless.”

“Fine.” I place him down and turn him back into my handsome little blue-eyed blonde baby brother, pajamas and all.

“Go get changed and meet your tutor for your lessons, Day.” Jevaran points to the door. “Or am I going to have to take this up with your parents.”

“No, Jevaran. I’m going.” Day sighs. “Later, Bless.” I bend over slightly so he can give me a kiss on the cheek.

“Later, Day.” I pat his head and watch him leave. Unfortunately, Jevaran stays. “What?”

“You have to stop turning your brother into a kitten, Blessing.” he orders me. Like he really has the authority to give me orders. Well, he sort of does, maybe, but still I get enough people telling me what to do.

“He likes it.” I defend myself. “And it doesn’t hurt him.”

“You can’t keep encouraging him to run away from his obligations like this. He’s going to be the High King one day, just like you’re going to be a queen. He has to learn how to handle a decent workload and social obligations.”

“He handles them just fine. Even Poppa gets to take more breaks than he does. It isn’t fair. He spends a lot of time taking care of his sister and almost never gets time to himself. Momma needs a lot of alone time too, but you never make her do too much.”

“That’s different. She gets her work done first, and she wasn’t raised to be politically active. Generva has to stay politically nuetral. That’s why you’re not pressured to interact socially if you don’t want to.”

“And why I was forced to practice that stupid sword. Momma doesn’t have to do that. She uses a staff.” I protest.

“Your mother knows very well how to use a sword. She uses a staff for a different reason and you know it. Not every threat can be faced with magic, Blessing. You need to know how to defend yourself in other ways.” He says what I hear from every single one of my parents as well.

“I haven’t had to yet.”

“You haven’t had to face any threats yet,”He points out. I just sigh and roll my eyes.

“Yes, Jevaran. You’re right, Jevaran. Can I get back to my work?”

“You could if you weren’t obviously done with your work and just sitting in here petting your brother.” Dammit. I knew I should have brought out some blank paper, or at least left something more than just rechecking my work undone before playing with Day. I cross my arms and wait for him to issue whatever punishment is coming my way. “Why don’t you go out for a walk or swim or something. You should relax a little yourself before the Axton retinue gets here.”

“I thought they weren’t coming until tomorrow.”

“They aren’t supposed to but they are making fairly good time last we heard so they might be here by tonight and you’ll be expected to come greet them with the rest of the family.” he informs me. “Prince Laik will be staying with us a while so be nice.”

“I’m always nice.” I mutter, crossing my arms, and sit back down in my chair.

“Be nicer.”

“Why are you always giving me a hard time? Even Poppa doesn’t give me a hard time like this.”

“Because you give me a hard time, little girl.” He musses my hair. “If your Poppa had come looking for Day he’d have been human and pretending to study with you before Rick even got to the door and you know it.”

“Is Gero back yet?”

“Not yet, but he should be shortly. I’ll let you know as soon as he is.” he promises. “Now go have some fun. And remember, stay out of the council halls.”

“Yes, Jevaran.” I wave my books back to the shelves. ‘Stay out of the council’ I thought he said to have some fun. I wait to leave my study until he’s gone to make sure Day gets to his lessons. No one’s in the hall so it’s easy to sneak up the stairway to the council halls. The barrier is of course easy to pass through as all I have to do is turn ethereal and pass through the gaps. Love calls it turning into mist, but I suppose I don’t really have a better way to describe it than that.

I don’t know why they don’t want me up here. I don’t touch anything. Well, nothing important. Besides, because of the barrier no servants can get up here to clean so if I didn’t come up and take care of things it’d be nothing but a big pile of dust whenever the council reappears again. I wonder what happened to them. They just disappeared one day for no reason whatsoever, around the time my mother was born. It probably had something to do with the sorceress guild, those bastards.

I think I have a pretty good idea what they were like looking through all their things. There’s an office for each discipline. While I doubt they lived here, they did sleep here enough to need an actual bed in their office. There are a lot of personal items, too. In what I think was the grandmaster telepath’s room I found a secret drawing hidden behind a portrait of a lovely young girl in a beautiful dress that looks alot like the old grand master magician Alan Darius, and a little like the wife of the former head of the council, Tiffany March. It’s probably a long lost sister, or daughter but I like to think maybe it was something a little more interesting like Alan Darius really being a woman, or wishing he was. Or even just the telepath wishing he was.

The messiest room one is the co head of the council’s room. He’s a magician too but for some reason was made a Head Wizard on the Council along side Head Wizard March when before hand only a Jerry March had ever been head of the council of wizards without any additional ones. But most of his mess is just piles of paperwork that he must have flat out refused to do for various quests. There are notes from Head Wizard March begging him to get certain ones done, which he clearly hadn’t. And they’re all about various quests and assignments for the rest of the council that he apparently assisted with. He must be either scatterbrained or an asshole. According to other notes from other council members they must think he’s more of an asshole. But his personal items are just some little badly made trinkets that must have been from his children locked away in a little box hidden under his bed so he couldn’t have been that bad.

The cleanest room is my favorite. Everything is organized so perfectly and clearly. Even the faded marks on the desks and bookshelves show that they’re each in the same place they’d always been put. I wonder what someone so precise would be like. It says he’s an earth wizard but earth wizards are usually so messy. Aside from the dust it was the cleanest place in the council. And the garden up top near the lake is so orderly in the way it’s all sectioned off and the various groupings of plants are isolated from each other. I tried to fix the broken statue of Gerald March, the Head Wizard who fought against Escheron’s army of undead, but it didn’t stay.

Whoever preserved the magician’s pantry was an absolute genius though. Everything in it stayed exactly as it must have been when it was put in. I put an apple in there when I was thirteen and it still hasn’t gone bad yet. Has it? Nope, still there, still perfect. The same with the kitchen pantry and storage. Everything in the kitchen is perfectly preserved to be honest. Nothing rusted or tarnished. It was even the one place in the council without a bit of dust in it. I think the main kitchens in the castle were pretty much the same way until Poppa had everything iron in the palace replaced with or plated with copper so Jevaran could eat without being poisoned. The council seems to have done that already. I wonder if he was ever up here when he was younger. Someone fae was here enough for them to do this.

I wouldn’t come up here so much if it wasn’t the only way to get to the lake. The castle is built into a cliff and the top of it where the council is, was built right next to a grassy area and lake and waterfall all circled by bigger cliffs. I saw the lake when I went out walking with my mother to see my father when I was little. The top of the cliffs have some beautiful spots and technically are outside the castle grounds so he’s allowed there. I never understood why he wasn’t allowed in the castle, but after learning about how children were made I think I have an idea. I’m going to have to have a serious talk with my father when I see him again.

I head out to the lake and strip down to my under things. It’s generally pretty cold but it’s worth it to be able to swim. I know poppa built a pool for my mother but I can’t exactly spend time alone there. The quadruplets are always running in for some reason or another when they know I’m there. And I don’t particularly feel like seeing my ridiculously buxom little sisters when they’re bigger than I am in certain feminine places. I wonder if Poppa was really my father would I have been more curvy like them?

I lay on my back in the water looking up at the bright sky. The sun is out in full but it doesn’t matter. No matter what I do I can’t even tan. My skin is just so white. It doesn’t look anything like my mother’s. She’s so beautiful with rich milk chocolate skin, dusky lips and dark brown curls and beautiful golden brown eyes which are the only thing I get from her. But they look kind of weird in my pale face with silver hair and almost silvery lips. And she’s so… curvy and round and perfect. Every man in the palace or even anywhere we go always looks at her with the same look, like they want to just eat her up.

No one looks at me that way. At least not when my mother and sisters are around. The few people who do also look a little scared as well, which I don’t understand in the least. Well, maybe if they know my father I suppose I could understand a little. He tends to be a little protective. I wish I could teleport, then I could go see him more, but I can barely even teleport objects, much less people. Half the time the things I teleport get kind of ripped or scraped somehow like I’m shoving it through someplace too small or something. Someday I can do it.

Uncle Kevin says Teleporting is one of the hardest things to do. That you basically have to pinch together the universe and that takes a lot of skill and power. It can’t be that hard. My father does it all the time. So does Gero, though he makes portals which are harder. With portals you’re not just pushing people through two points folded together, you’re making a tunnel through those points.

Someday I can do whatever, go where ever, when ever I want and no one will be able to say or do anything about it. No more siblings everywhere I turn. No more Jevaran never letting me get away with anything. No more stupid sideways glances by stupid courtiers. Definitely no more lessons with a stupid sword. Why am I going to be queen of Generva anyway? My grandparents don’t even like me. I don’t want to be queen. I just want to be free to do anything and everything I want just like my father. And I would.

I’d go everywhere and see everything and do everything and find really handsome men to have sex with once I figure out some decent birth control. Momma’s doesn’t work all that well, she keeps getting pregnant, and losing it, but still, I definitely don’t want to go through that. There’s got to be a good way to keep from being pregnant. If I have to keep ignoring Gero I’m going to lose my mind, I swear it. It’s just not fair. Men don’t have to worry about this. They can do whatever the hell they want. Gero certainly does.

Oh, what if I do find one and we do have sex and he wants to marry me. That would be no good. We fight way too much to get married. And he’s way too big of a whore. Maybe I’d be okay fooling around with him for a little while, I definitely don’t feel like sharing him when we’re married. Maybe… maybe we can at least do something about this irritating feeling we have.

“Excuse me.” I flounder in the water as I hear someone speaking to me with a weird crisp accent. I look around me, thankful I wasn’t caught doing anything inappropriate, but I don’t see anyone. “I’m up here.” I look up to the enormous tree with all the initials carved in it and see someone with snow white hair and almost ebony black skin climbing down the side of the cliff onto one of the branches.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” I demand. “You’re not allowed here. No one’s allowed here. What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“I’m looking for help, that’s what I think I’m doing.” he replies a little testily. “I saw you swimming and thought you could help me.”

“Oh? You saw a young woman swimming practically naked, all alone and you decide to come ask her for help? Try again chipmunk.” I summon a fire ball into my hand.

“Woman? You sure as hell don’t look like a woman from here.” Oh that son of a bitch. I hurl the fireball at him, making him lose his grip and fall down through the branches. Oh, I hurt just looking at that. Actually I really do hurt looking at that. I must have swum too long or not stretched enough for something. I slow his fall just enough so that it won’t kill him. After all if he’s dead I can’t have him thrown in prison for trespassing. “You kambia psycho! Do you know what you’ve just done?”

“Scared a trespasser with a good illusion.”

“You’ve attacked a foreign dignitary.”

“Oh really? Well, seeing as this foreign dignitary was spying on a bathing Princess, Which one of us is exactly going to be in trouble here?” I inform him.

“You’re a princess.” he sounds as if he doesn’t believe me. Maybe I should set him on fire for real this time. “Oh that’s right, silver hair, skin like death, you’re the High Queen’s bastard.” Oh that’s it.

“Blessing!” Gero grabs my arms and holds them down to my side. “Don’t. He’s the Axton Prince.”

“Not for long.”

“Bless, please.” he begs.

“Did you hear what he…”

“Please. Blessing, please. Please.” he puts a hand to my cheek.

“I’m telling Jevaran.” I brush him aside and grab my dress, heading back in towards the council.

“My coach broke down! I was looking for help and she tried to set me on fire!”That Axton bastard accuses me.

“I know. I am so sorry.” Gero tries to calm him down. Idiots! Both of them.

“Jevaran!” I call as soon as I get on the stairway downstairs. “We have a problem!”

“You know this is not acceptable, right?” Momma crosses her arms as I sit down on my bed, “Your father..”

“Stepfather.” my father corrects her from the mirror.

“Step-father,”Oh she must be mad at me, she didn’t even give him a dark look. “Is currently working very hard to keep them from leaving for Dionia and ruining diplomatic relations.”

“I didn’t do anything wrong! He was spying on me in the lake and insulted me and insulted you and certainly didn’t tell me he was Prince Laik.” I cross my arms back.

“You tried to set him on fire.” Momma exclaims, throwing her hands up.

“Well, yeah?” I feel a little vindicated when my father hides a smile behind his hands. “He was trespassing and I was undressed. You understand, don’t you, daddy?”

“Of course I do, my little blessing, but generally it’s best to find out who someone is before you try to kill them.” He can’t keep the laughter completely from his voice, causing Momma to reach through the mirror and punch him in the arm. “Be careful, you could break the mirror.” he scolds her.

“You don’t try to set people on fire, Blessing. I don’t care what they did.”

“I very much do care what it is they did.” My father corrects her, “But trespassing and insults don’t warrant death, or even just the threat of it. Really I don’t know where you get this violent streak from.” But he glances pointedly over to my mother. I don’t hide my laughter very well either.

“Jory, if you’re not going to be helpful, you can leave.”

“Sahar, I think you’re over reacting just a little bit.” But Momma just takes and turns the mirror around until it faces the wall. “You know this doesn’t keep me out of the conversation.”

“Yes, but it does keep me from having to look at your stupid face.”

“How did you two ever get along well enough to have sex?” The question pops out before I can stop myself. It gets very quiet for a moment.

“We didn’t.” Momma lies after a moment. I just give her a look. She knows I’m not that stupid, she has to. “You know what. I’m going to leave this one to you, Jory.” She turns the mirror back around and walks out of the room. My father winces and looks over at me.

“She is telling the truth.” He says,and since he doesn’t get irritated when I roll my eyes at this and look away, he can’t possibly hope that I believe this bull. “It’s a complicated situation.”

“I don’t see how complicated it could be. She’s beautiful, You’re handsome. I know she and Poppa were having a hard time before they married and he did some things he shouldn’t have done. I also know they said you forced her to have me, but I do know you better than that and they probably just wanted to save momma’s reputation. She said you didn’t.”

“Well, she was lying about that so you wouldn’t feel bad.” he confesses. Oh my god.

“What the fuck, daddy!?”

“I didn’t rape her! I just magically impregnated her with you against her will.”

“WHAT The FUCK DADDY!?!?!”

“I had to. It was the only way I could think of to save her life.” he explains a very convoluted story about assassins and the sorceress guild and why he’s not allowed on the palace grounds.

“And you kidnapped us after the birth?”

“It wasn’t kidnapping! You were my own child and she was dying. I had to save her.”

“Oh, my god. No wonder Poppa hates you. I’d hate you too if I didn’t love you, you… jerk.”I want to call him an asshole but I think that would be pushing it a little too far. “Why does Momma even talk to you?”

“She’s a very forgiving, understanding person and I’m fairly sure it’s mostly for your sake.”

“I think I would have forgivingly understood if you were never allowed in my life at all!” I exclaim. “What were you thinking? Don’t even try to tell me that part of it wasn’t because my mother is so beautiful. Unfortunately it didn’t exactly pass on like you hoped.”

“Don’t be absurd, you’re very beautiful, just in a different way than your mother. Hers is not the only type of beauty in the world. And no it had nothing to do with how she looked. It was solely about saving her life.” He asserts.

“So… I was just… I was just some ‘thing’? Some means to an end. None of you actually wanted me.”

“Blessing…”

“I have to go.” I run out of my room and retreat back up to the council. Oh god this is worse than I ever even thought. I thought that maybe… maybe in a moment of heart break, Momma met my father and got swept away in a brief but passionate love affair before deciding she truly loved my stepfather after all. And Poppa forgave her and loved her and loved me anyway because I was part of her even if I looked like my father. Anything else they said was just to keep her from looking bad because everyone’s just a bunch of judgemental hypocrites. But this…

“Blessing?” I hear Gero as I try to control my tears. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine.” I lie. “Leave me alone.”

“I’m sorry they didn’t understand.” he sits next to me on Head Wizard March’s rather luxurious full bed.

“No, I’m the one who didn’t understand.” I wipe my eyes. “And I’m sorry I do now.”

“That’s awfully mature of you.” He says slowly as if he isn’t less than a year older than me. “Well, you don’t need to worry. I’m sure if you just apologize to Prince Laik everything will be alright. He wasn’t exactly in the right either. Though you would have had firmer ground to stand on if you were actually allowed to be there. Which you’re not, or here for that matter.”

“What? Hell no. I’m not talking about that ass. I’m talking about my parents.” I explain the situation.

“Okay, that’s fucked up.” he leans back, resting a hand on his knee. “Your father is a real piece of work.”

“I know right?”

“But you know, even if they didn’t want you exactly when he made you, they certainly wanted you when you were born. All three of them love you. That’s more than obvious.”

“But not because of me. They’re just… good people. At least momma and poppa are, apparently. I know daddy loves me, but this is just… it’s terrible.”

“I know. My parents only had me because my mother liked being pregnant. But she didn’t feel like caring for another baby when I was born so she threw me away and had my brother raise me. I was made with love and intention and I’m neither loved nor wanted by anyone but my brother and your family. You’re making too much of this. Well, in terms of how your family feels about you at least.” Gero corrects himself.

“I love you, too, you know.” I remind him. “You know, like a brother.”

“A brother?” he grins at me. “Really?” Gero runs a finger down my spine.

“I mean not as in romantically. I don’t want to get married and have babies and go on moonlit walks and nonsense like that with you. I just want to have sex with you but I can’t because birth control is unreliable and I don’t want to get pregnant.” I sigh.

“You do realize that birth control is only unreliable with your mother because it’s alchemical and she’s a white rose, right? You’re not. It would work perfectly well with you.” Gero informs me.

“You’re kidding, right?” I widen my eyes. He nods. “Of course, why didn’t I see that.”

“So, shall I go get some?”

“Please. You drive me insane and the last thing I need today is either more frustration or you not to be here.”

“I’ll be right back.” he practically falls off the bed and runs off down the stairs towards where his brother’s room is. He’s back fairly quickly. I don’t even have time to take all my clothes off yet. “Here. Just drink this and we’ll be good no matter how many times we do it for the next day.” he hands me a glittery pink vial. I uncork it and drink it down. Uggh, it’s a little burny tingly and my stomach feels a little weird but that’s better than being pregnant. Gero rips off his shirt, and starts to take his pants off as I get the rest of my dress off, but stops. “Are you alright? You look pretty bruised. What happened.” He touches a few purplish marks on my torso. But they don’t really hurt.

“What? I have no idea. Probably a prank from joy or a bad dye job on my dress or something. It doesn’t hurt at all. Just.. ignore it.”

“Are you sure about this? I mean, I know you haven’t…”

“Do I look like I’m forcing myself to do this? I have been dying this week and you haven’t even been here. I’d take care of myself but Joy keeps having nightmares and Love is always popping in to see if you’re back yet.”

“And you’re sure you want me.”

“Oh will you just shut up and take me?” I grab his neck and pull him down in a kiss. Thank god I have been thinking about this since he left to visit his parents. I can’t believe I can actually do it and not get pregnant. But my throat and mouth keep burning a little even as he kisses me and presses himself against me. My stomach isn’t starting to feel much better either. But it’s fine, it’s fine. Why is he kissing me so much? “Gero.” I grab the back of his head by the hair. “If you don’t do this right the fuck now I’m going to murder you.”

“Absolutely.” He takes off his undershorts. Oh, wow. That’s ah.. Wow. “Okay…” he takes a breath and starts to pull down mine. He lifts my legs with his arms under my knees and starts to lift me up when a sharp pain tears through me.

“Ow!” I can’t help but say.

“I’m not even in yet.”

“No, no my stomach.. Oh god it’s burning.” I wrap my arms around myself, curling onto my side.

“Bless, are you… what’s happening?”

“Oh, god I don’t know. It just hurts so badly.”

“I’m going to go get Jevaran.” I hear him putting his clothes back on and he runs out of the room. Oh, god, I think I’m going to die. I feel like I’m going to throw up but almost nothing comes out. And what does come out burns even worse on the way.

“Blessing.” I feel Jevaran try to uncurl me and lift me up a little. “Blessing, you have to drink this.” I force myself to sit up despite the pain and drink a cup of the most disgusting chalky thing I have ever tasted.

“What is this?”though

“It’s activated charcoal.” he informs me. “It needs to bind to the potion you just took. Just keep drinking as long as you can.

“It still hurts.” I say. As I drink the pain lessens a little. Burned instead of burning.

“You little idiots took a gold based contraceptive.” he informs me. Oh shit.

“Am I going to die?” I ask weakly.

“No. But you’re going to be in a lot of pain for a good while.” He sighs. “This is why you don’t just take potions from my bag, Gero. Even if you technically know what they are. Her particular gold allergy may not be deadly but it is torture. What were you thinking?” Jevaran demands. Gero just looks away. “Nevermind. I know what you were thinking. But what the hell were you thinking?” He cuffs his little brother upside the head.

“It’s not such a big deal. I mean, we are betrothed.” Gero defends himself. Rubbing the back of his head.

“Excuse me?” Jevaran says.

“I beg your pardon?” That’s enough to distract me from my pain a little bit.

“We’re betrothed? Since birth? I know you wanted to let our feeling have a chance to grow naturally, but Father explained it to me when I went home for my birthday.” Gero explains. “You don’t have to pretend not to know anymore.”

“Well that is unfortunate because these mean that she’s supposed to be with someone else.” Jevaran points to my purple stained skin.

“What are you talking about?” Gero frowns.

“These are bond marks, Gero. Your betrothed almost lover is bonded to someone else.”

“What?” I force myself to sit up straighter. Oh my god, ow.

“Yes, someone who apparently fell down a flight of stairs not too long ago.” Jevaran looks me over, which reminds me I’m completely naked, and also that something similar happened while I was close to this state of undress earlier.

“Or slowly fell from the top of a really, really branchy old tree?” I ask hoping to god that’s not what I think it’s going to be. Jevaran and Gero just look at me. “FUCK!”