Hypotethical Romance

HAE-EUN

Every time I wake up, I expect something different. The week plays out the same. Though, there’s always maybe, just maybe one day that changes things up. Perhaps it’d be today, I hoped. Maybe I’d meet him. My eyes open slow, my body adjusting to the world. The morning light shines bright through the window, illuminating my room. Not moving from my position, still swallowed whole by my blanket. After maybe five minutes, I finally make a move. Reaching for my phone, I must’ve forgotten to charge it the previous night, as it didn’t turn on when I clicked it. Seems I’d be starting my morning no different from the rest. I groan as I began to rise, the blanket beginning to descend from my body. The cold air hits me, but I can manage. Raising my arms to stretch, my bones audibly adjusting. I stand, scratching my neck. Each step I take, the feeling could be mistaken for walking on ice. My vision blurry, slowly adjusting as I go. I reach for the knob, pushing open the door. The hallway was bright, the sun reflecting from the floors to the walls. I started my journey to the restroom, down the hall. As I walk, my vision finally became clear. The house was quiet. Although I wasn’t aware of the time, my mother had left for work. I arrived In front of the restroom door, pushing it open. I enter, flicking the light on. Approaching the mirror, I turned on the water. The sound of the liquid soothed my ears, almost hypnotic. I looked myself in the mirror, I’d spent the previous morning in the restroom for hours, trying to perfect that ‘wolf cut’ style. Now, my blonde hair was back to usual, messy and unappealing. I put two hands in the water, then brought them to my face. Upon contact, the cold liquid immediately fully woke me. Grasping the toothpaste, snapping it open. Also grabbing my toothbrush. After that, I arrived back into my room. I plugged my phone to it’s charger, it beeps, then turns on immediately. That’s when I see it, nearly seven-hundred notifications. Messages, calls, Facetimes, etc. The latest message is from my aunt, which reads in all caps; “CALL ME AS SOON AS YOU SEE THIS!!“, so things must be bad. I dial her number, she answers immediately.

“Hello?“, I say quietly.

“Hae! you haven’t been answering anyone’s calls, I’m coming to get you.” She says in a hurried, almost anxious tone.

“My phone was dead, why? What’s happening?”

“Your mother..S-She..” She said slowly, I could tell she was trembling. “What? What’d she do?” I was expecting maybe she was fired from work. “She was in a crash, on her way to work. They said she died upon impact.” That’s when my body went numb, fear spread throughout my body. “Hae-eun, I’m so so-” I hung up. I began to call my mom’s phone, it didn’t pick up. I declined the incoming calls from my aunt. I went to text my mother when I froze. There was a message, from 6AM.

“I left out for work, I’ll be sure to pick up those little cupcakes you like. I’ll be home a little la”

The message cut off, there must’ve been more, there had to be more.

“Mom? Answer.”

I typed, my eyes watering.

“Mom, answer the fucking phone, finish the sentence.”

“Please, just finish the fucking sentence.”

I set my phone down, what now? How do I handle this, what am I supposed to do? Do I sit here and grieve? I feel utterly sick to my stomach, this wasn’t happening. The doorbell rings, but I don’t even bother. The front door opens, they must’ve have the key under the rug. “Hae-eun! Hae-eun, where are you?!” My aunt’s voice sounds nearly desperate. She walks past my room, then quickly backtracks once she spots me inside. “Hae-eun!“, she practically sprints toward me, wrapping her around me, as if she’s afraid I’ll just drop dead. I couldn’t take it, tears flew out my eyes before I could even register. The next few hours passed in a blur, my phone buzzing with relatives, friends all saying they’re sorry for my loss. Sorry? Or just following the norm. My aunt’s home was lacking it’s usual cheerfulness. The couch that I sat on felt cold, as if it would never go warm. My mind was constantly trying to predict, what would come out of this? I could hear my aunt in the middle of a conversation in the next room. The doorbell rung, must’ve been another visitor to dump their sorrow all over me. “I’ll call you back, okay? Sleep well, yeah.” Her voice felt a bit blurry in the other room, she walked out, her face looking a bit stressed. She checked the peep hole, her face hinted at surprise. She began to unlock the door. As she pulls the door open, my day reached a new low. Why is he here? He can’t be here, not right now. He shouldn’t be here, he doesn’t have that right.

“Ji-a, hey. Is Hae-eun here.?” Father spoke in a quiet voice. My aunt crossed her arms.

“Yes, she’s on the couch.” Aunt Ji-a said, her voice sounded conflicted. She steps aside reluctantly, that man began to walk in, I didn’t believe what I was seeing, he’s here, now?

“Hae-eun, I- I am sorry, I am. I should’ve never left.” The irony, sheer irony of this man.

“Why are you here? Why do you come now?” I said bitterly, I wasn’t having this today.

“Hae-eun, look. Your mother and I-”

“No!” I yelled. His face fell, Aunt Ji-a gasped. I stood up from the couch, my hands curling into fists.

“You have been absent for years, you come now that she’s fucking dead? You asshole!”

“Hae-eun!! That’s enough!” Aunt Ji-a declared, her voice stern.

“I wanna go home.” I turned to Aunt Ji-a, “Take me home, please just take me home.”

“Okay, okay.” Aunt Ji-a said, she turns to my father, who is still standing there guilty. ”

“Ji-ho, you should leave. It’s time for you to go.”

My father, Ji-ho slowly nods. “Yeah, yeah I should get going.” Ji-ho turns around and proceeds to the door, but stops before opening it. “Hae-eun, I love you. You may not but, call if you need me.” With that, he leaves out the door. In the car, the ride was silent. I could see Aunt Ji-a occasionally glance at me from the rear view mirror. The day has gone by fast, the sun was already going down. I didn’t want to attend the funeral, there’s no point to that. Aunt Ji-a pulls into a parking space. I got out of the car and started walking to the front door.

“Hae-eun, wait.”

I stopped.

“I’ll be coming back to check on you, and I’ll be here in a hour with food.” Aunt Ji-a said with a soft voice.

“. . . Thank you.” I said, quietly.

“Ji-ho is a good man, he means good. Please, give him a chance.” Her voice came out almost pleading.

I didn’t respond. I resumed walking to the door. I opened the door, I could hear Aunt Ji-a pulling off. I unlocked the door with trembling hands, pushing it open. The inside felt empty, something was missing, but I knew that it would stay that way. I walked in, kicking the door shut behind me. I was already about to began to tear up. I kept walking, wiping my face with my sleeve. I began to walk to the restroom, I opened the door, flicking on the lights. I just stare at myself in the mirror, back to where I started. People always say I look identical to my mother, funny I never see how until she’s dead. I turn on the water, I place my hands beneath it. I bring my hands to my face. A few minutes later, I was wandering the house, empty minded. I wasn’t lying in my room sobbing, nor was I trying to find the bright side of all this. People tell me to do what she would’ve wanted, how would they know what she’d want? She’s dead, dead people don’t make decisions, they don’t want anything. I find myself in the kitchen, I was hungry, starving. Aunt Ji-a would be here soon with actual food but whatever was in the kitchen would help for now. I open the fridge, everything inside consisted of things I actually had to cook. I was hungry, sure, but not enough to prepare a full meal. I didn’t even possess enough energy to cook something as simple as a hotdog, I shut the refrigerator with irritated sigh. Mom would always scold me about slamming things, I found myself almost listening for her shout in the other room. About an hour later, I was lying in the middle of the dining room floor, staring at the ceiling. It was around 9PM now. I was almost clueless, I had absolutely zero idea what to do now. I could hear the front door unlocking, Aunt Ji-a walked in and froze upon seeing me lying there.

“Hae-eun?! Are you okay?” She ran over to me, setting the bags she had down.

“I’m fine.” I said, lowly.

“What on earth are you doing lying in the middle of the floor, 내 아기?” She said, slightly confused but understanding.

“I don’t know.” I sit up, glancing at the bags.

“What is that?”

“Naengmyeon, your favorite.” She said, smiling.

I watched as Aunt Ji-a prepared the table, I sat across from her, slightly picking my food. Aunt Ji-a twirled her fork.

“Hae-eun, are you okay?” She said with a frown.

“I’m fine, great.” I said flatly.

There was a long pause.

“Min-seo, before this morning told me that you recently joined art club, how’s that?”

“I quit.” Min-seo was my mother’s name.

Aunt Ji-a frowned once more.

I let my body take over, I began eating mouthfuls. I usually savor the taste of a good bowl of Naengnyeon but I had no care if it was good or bad.

“Hae-eun, slow down.” She said with a small smile.

I swallowed, finally asking what’s been on my mind.

“What happens now.” I said, slightly looking at her.

“Hm, what do you mean?”

“Where do I go. How do..how do I function now.” I didn’t know how to word it, but I can tell she got my question.

Aunt Ji-a stirs her food.

“You’ll be staying here, but with me.”

I didn’t show it, but a part of me was relieved. I thought I’d have to stay with Ji-ho. Aunt Ji-a began cleaning the table. “Hae-eun, I beg you. Please lighten up. Things will get better.” She gave me a little smile before continuing her clean-up. I tried to smile back, but only a small variant came. I went up to my room , I opened the door. Pitch black. I flick the light on. My room wasn’t as neat as it should’ve been. I didn’t have that energy to clean it. I went to my bed and lied down. I could hear Ji-a on the phone downstairs.

“Yes, I’ll be arranging the funeral on Monday. Hae-eun isn’t going to want to be there, and she doesn’t have to. She needs time, space. I’ll handle all the…”

It went on, funeral arrangements, all the legal shit behind this. I wonder if she’s talking to Ji-ho. I feel myself drifting off. I wished for a change in my usual days this morning, I certainly got it. I woke up on Sunday morning, usually my phone would be either dead or dead in also in a unknown location. I looked over and it was on my dresser charging, must’ve been Aunt’s doing. I sit up, I grab my phone and check my mom’s messages. Maybe I had a bad dream. No, there it still was.

“I left out for work, I’ll be sure to pick up those little cupcakes you like. I’ll be home a little la”

It cut off. Today was going to be different, and I had to adjust. You don’t take these things seriously until it happens to you. I sat up, I got right out of bed. I didn’t stare at a wall nor take the time to think of my hair. I opened the door and looked down stairs. I could see Aunt Ji-a asleep on the couch. I never thought about how she feels about all this. Aunt Ji-a lost her sister yesterday, yet she hides it so well. I decide to not wake her, I proceed off to the restroom. I walk in, and look myself in the mirror. I began to put my hair in a ponytail, I washed my face, brushed my teeth. I proceeded down stairs, I saw paperwork on the kitchen table. I picked one up, it was funeral paperwork. Just as I was putting it down.

“Nosy one, aren’t you?” Aunt Ji-a said with a tired smile.

Turning my head, I quickly drop the paper.

“I-…Good morning.”

“I like it, it suits you.” She gestures to my hair.

“Thanks.” I said quietly.

Aunt Ji-a makes her way to the cabinets, getting herself a mug.

“You don’t have to go to the funeral, I won’t make you.”

“Thank..you.”

“Why don’t we go out for breakfast, hm?” She said, filling her mug with water.

I nodded, I could use it. We dress and proceed to the car. Aunt Ji-a turned on the radio, a morning podcast. Mom used to listen to those. The ride was a bit long, we arrived and parked into a parking space, as we got out, I could see Ji-ho sitting at a table inside.

You’ve gotta be kidding me.