The Sovereign Mind Of A Neurodivergent by Kelsey-Jo Holmes at Inkitt

Story Notes

This writing is a raw, unedited look into the profound exhaustion of autistic burnout and neurodivergent emotional dysregulation.

When you have a nervous system that processes the world with intense sensitivity, the advice given to the mainstream—“just use more willpower,” “try harder,” “force yourself through it”—doesn’t just fail; it actively causes harm. It feels like your own biology is turning against you. This story captures the exact moment a person realises that fighting against their own brain with sheer determination is like trying to break down a brick wall with their bare hands.

But what makes this narrative deeply special is the pivotal shift at the end. Even from the depths of absolute exhaustion and isolation, the focus moves away from forcing “normality” and toward something much more powerful: unapologetic self-acceptance.

Summary

This powerful reflection captures the exhausting reality of living with a nervous system and brain that processes the world differently. It illustrates a profound battle with emotional dysregulation, over-stimulation, and communication barriers, where relying on sheer willpower or forcing "normality" feels like hitting a brick wall. The intense pressure of negative affectivity and an isolating "emotional loop" can lead to deep despair, making one feel like an outsider unfit for the mainstream, wishing to give up entirely. However, the narrative undergoes a crucial shift. It moves away from the exhausting demand for constant control and transitions toward radical acceptance. By recognising that the brain simply functions differently, the focus turns to embracing neurodiversity, autism, and learning difficulties rather than fighting them. Ultimately, the text is a testament to resilience. It outlines a path forward rooted in self-advocacy, self-love, and independence. It acknowledges that while the journey is uniquely challenging, embracing one's individuality, passion, and sense of justice can transform adversity into empowerment. Your attitude shapes your aptitude and altitude; by embracing your authentic self, no challenge can permanently hold you back.

Genre: Poetry

Author: Kelsey-Jo Holmes

Status: Complete

Chapters: 3

Rating: n/a

Age Rating: 13+

The Illusion of Control

Trying my best to gain control of my emotions in me, but nothing is working

Trying my best to gain control of my thoughts in me, but nothing is working

Trying my best to gain control of my aggression in me, but nothing is working

Trying my best to gain control of my behaviour in me, but nothing is working

Trying my best to gain control of my rumination in me, but nothing is working

Trying my best to gain control of my anxiety in me, but nothing is working

Trying me best to gain control of my maturity in me, but nothing is working

Trying my best to gain control of my timidity in me, but nothing is working

Trying my best to gain control of the tactility in me, but nothing is working

Trying my best to gain control of the predictability in me, but nothing is working

Trying my best to gain control of the sense of patience in me, but nothing is working

Trying my best to gain control of the level of defensiveness in me, but nothing is working

Trying my best to gain control of the sense of masking in me, but nothing is working

Trying my best to gain control of the sense of over-stimulation in me, but nothing is working

Trying my best to gain control of the environment in me, but nothing is working

Trying my best to gain control of the sense of hesitation in me, but nothing is working

Trying my best to gain control of the sense of expression of words in me, but nothing is working

Trying my best to gain control of the sense of explanation in me, but nothing is working

Trying my best to gain control of the decision making in me, but nothing is working

Trying my best to gain control of the problem solving in me, but nothing is working

Trying my best to gain control of the level of assertiveness in me, but nothing is working

Trying my best to gain control of the barriers in my language in me, but nothing is working

Trying my best to gain control of the barriers in my communication in me, but nothing is working

Trying my best to gain control of the barriers in my social interaction in me, but nothing is working

Trying my best to gain control of the barriers in my sense of independence in me, but nothing is working

Trying my best to gain control of the lack of capacity in me, but nothing is working

Trying my best to gain control of the vulnerability in me, but nothing is working