The family story

Anna, I don't know how you handled it.

I could never walk straight into my grandma's funeral and not even shed a tear. You were the epitome of resilience.

Maybe that's all what I've been trained for all these years.

Wait really?

Yeah, I mean, I just thought, what should I do when I entered the gates of that place? And the one thing that came to my mind was, crying won't get me anywhere in this situation.

Maybe staying silent would.

I'll have more control over what I am speaking, where I'm sitting, who am I next to, who am I talking to, what am I telling people and what am i avoiding, essentially.

Vulnerability is pathetic you see

So yeah, I chose that.

Anna had just taken her first leave of absence in 4 years to back to India and attend her grandmother’s funeral. She took Harry with her as a moral support per say but majorly because Harry could keep a tally of her work and mails to keep her uptodate in real time ehen she wont be able to even cast a side eye on her work.

Its not that she didnt love her grandmother, infact Nanijaan was the only person left in that household who took genuine interest in Anna and her life.

‘She made me feel human’ Anna had once told Harry.

‘She had a strange lightness to her words, a soft comforting smile that made everything slow down and easy’

But today she was gone breaking away the last string of attachment Anna had with that place.

Now back in Manchester, sitting on what would have been a clerk’s desk full of files in the ruins of an old spinning mill, Harry was aghast and full of surprise at Anna’s revelations

It was rare that she spoke of something related to her heart, and he was not going to let this moment go.

“No, no, wait. Anna, we don't choose our emotions. And especially not in situations like this.” He almost accused her

“Yeah, we do. I just did.” Anna was as non chalant as possible, pushing away any inquisitive question that her bestie decided to put forth.

No, honey, I don't get it. Like, did you just decide on the spot? to cry or to be bold?

Yeah, Harry, come on. That's how I always do things. That's how everyone does things. Although now she was getting a bit on the edge, raising her voice in disbelief

Girl, not everyone. Please, let's just put that aside.

But now I genuinely wanna know what you did. Because as far as i am concerned, Miss Anna, emotions don't work like that

Emotions just happen.

You know, you encounter an abstract situation and before you even realise, your body has already reacted something, your brain has already decided and either you're falling on the floor or crying or being angry whatever, but you realise after you act

Its reflex. Lmn only

No, hell no. That just feels scary. That's... No, I can never allow myself to do that.

See, girl, your whole sentence is wrong.

Allow? Girl, It's not a true and raw emotion if you ‘allow’ it. If it's in your hands.

Harry, I... I just cannot... You are talking as if I can one day walk into my office and if my boss belittles me as he has made the haibt of recently, i can just slap him, ruin all of my career and then later realize what I have done. Bold, right?

No, that's not what I'm saying.

Why do you live on extremes? Is there no middle ground in your life where emotions can lay bare, be slow, process?

Anna, not everything is a death game, you know.

You know what, Harry, in the situations I live, the cards I've been dealt with, it has always been like that.

What if it doesn't?

What?

What if, today, you miss Anna Harrison, an accomplished corporate baddie,

lawyer,

yeah, well, corporate lawyer baddie, sits here on my countertop, turns around, faces the world, and decides, nothing can go wrong for a day.

No plans, no planners, no data making, nothing. And just breathes.

I breathe, I take breaks. I spend my Sundays…

in an already planned 9-to-5, just the Sunday version

. Well, I love that.

But darling you love that because there is no change in that. Niyhing to stir the pot has the slightest of room

And when an unforeseen change happens, darling, you cry.

I don't cry.

Yeah. You do and You are irritated for the next four days, and four days exact.

Well, that's how much it takes me to get back to normal,

to forgive yourself and get back to the routine, you mean.

No, now you're crossing a line. I'm not miserable like that. No, that's not it.

Okay, okay, sorry.

So just to cool you down a little, right?

Whatever.

Let's just say today you walk at night on the street, carefree.

Yeah, well, I can do that. I have done that so many times.

Not to your place of work. Just walk from your hotel to my club, okay? No Google Maps, nothing.

Harry, I don't know the way.

Yeah, so you'll find the way.

You'll ask people

. That's just absurd. Why should I not use technology if it's existing?

Because I told you, darling, you'd have to rely on yourself and chances and happiness. I’ll wait for you. Bye!

Harry no…but you do agree that this is in itself a total waste of time…she shouted into the mepty alley as harry walked out of the makeshift office Anna had to work in for the next three weeks

She was here as one of the legal representative of London’s finest real estate firms. Their aim? Acquire old unkept textile factories and turn them into commercial centres in the best of Manchester.

Good for Anna, her childhood best friend Harry had settled in the town not so long ago,derailing his medschool dreams, opening his own club in his granny’s old produce shop and obviously becoming the pride and joy of every one’s Friday evenings.

For Anna, Harry meant the much needed recluse, a person who knew the Anna from before so aptly that in his world he never saw the demarcation line. She was the same even if not on surface but deep inside her heart, it was the same Anna from before the tragedy struck

From before…

Her grandma’s death was just the last nail in the coffin of a long list of hits that had come her way in the past ten years.

June,2015

Alina’s parents went through a very publicaly scrutinised divorce procedding that lasted six months as is followed by intense media coverage of Alina and her brother Arman as they went through their daily lives

A year later, her father died of liver failure, his body discovered by Alina after a month of no contact was her first actual trauma. To the media he had doed of a prescription drug overdose one day back when the reality was far away from it. A cover so meticulously curated by her grandfather and uncle that even her mother didnt get to know. She went to the funeral, draped in a ehite shawl, a ghost of the loving wife she had once been. Dina gave her children an elaborate lesson in media and walking in public,the day before the funeral, Arman was asked to nod and join his hands to thank everyone, while Anna was tasked to walk behind him, head down, expressionless, because for what it was worth, Dina knew her daughter always had been extreme, either she would cry too loud or walk too bold. So in the minimal time she had, Alina was a shadow.

And maybe that eas it, she had slowly morphed jnto that shadow, making it her own personality, spread afar but within limits marked by her family.