Chapter 1
Chapter 1:
The sky is blue, the ocean in front of me is blue, my dress is blue and I am happy. The wind is blowing through my hair making it fall in front of my face. I can hear freedom and laughter and the sound of waves. I feel I am at home and I smile with all that is in me. I smell the ocean, the faint smell of water when it reaches the shore. I see myself standing there taking it all in.
I feel like I am at home, I don’t want to go back, I feel like I am at home and then I am not. I am not at home. I don’t even remember home. I don’t even know if this is my home. Hell I don’t even remember who I am, what I am, where I am. All I know is this memory left behind in me. And another memory which I bury deep inside my mind. I don’t know anything. I don’t even know if I am in the correct place of mind. I don’t know if I am sane but I do know that I am strong. Strong enough to fight these battles and strong enough to win them.
“Nika”, a familiar voice calls out my name. My name? Is this even my name? All I know is the bracelet on my left hand which reads the words “NIKA” making me believe this is actually my name or the name people here call me. “Nikaaa, are you up?”, the same familiar voice calls me again. And then she is standing in front of me, “Come on, all of us are ready for ‘the talk’. Ray and Mark will be there in five.”
“Yeah Iva… I know. Give me 2 minutes and I will be down there.”, I tell the redhead whose bracelet had the letters ‘IVA’ written on it. As she leaves the room, I stand up and look around the room I am in. It is not a room made for luxury but a room made for survival. Grey dirty walls, cracks in the ceiling, three mattresses laid across the floor and a cupboard tucked away in one corner. Across from me is a mirror on the wall and I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. A normal person in that mirror would see a girl, brown hair tied in a French braid, brown eyes, trembling pink lips and a fair skin marked with tiny cuts and stitches. But all I can see is the girl who has to fight, fight the unknown battles but SHE HAS TO FIGHT. I take a deep breath, square my shoulders and say an unknown prayer to an unknown god. I look at myself once again in the mirror, then I look at my bracelet and then I am ready to go.
I go down to the room which I think must have been the meeting room or perhaps a living room? I don’t even know this. I see four unknown but familiar faces scattered around the room. Two girls, one Iva and the other what was her name… Jia I think… are sitting on the grey couch in the centre of the room. They seem to be in deep conversation, maybe something emotional as I see few drops of tears role down Jia’s face. There is a guy, tall guy actually standing near the window with his eyes closed with a deep frown on his face. Gray is the name he had told me. There is also another guy standing right next to him fiddling with his bracelet which must also hold his name. A few inches shorter than Gray. I remember his name, Ben, Gen… what was it, something with en.. Ken it might have been or Zen, it was Zen I remember again. As I am trying to figure out basic things in my life like the names of people here, there is a slight sound of footsteps approaching. Two more set of heads appears in the room. Both guys. One of them Mark as I clearly recognise says “Hi” to me and acknowledges me.
Next to him is the only person I don’t want to see right now - Ray. The one who makes no sense to me. This tall 6 ft guy, with a lean muscular built, black hair, a pretty smile, a somewhat crooked nose and deep blue eyes. The same shade of blue I remember. The same shade of blue that feels like home. And the same shade of blue whose memory I try to push back in my mind.
As everyone has now come into the room, all of us settle in different places. Iva, Jia and Mark on the couch. I take the stool beside the couch and Ray takes the stool directly in front of me at the other end of the couch. Gray and Zen remain standing at their place near the window though they are focused towards us now. I once again try to take in the whole room with its shabby blue walls, broken frames of painting I don’t recognise, a centre grey couch with two black stools on either side and a single window across the wall with its glass all foggy.
“It’s been 36 hours since all of us woke up and also 36 hours of losing ourselves. I know the position we are in is not easy for us. Not remembering fragments of our life, not remembering our identity”, Ray says in his deep but calm voice, “and for some of us not remembering our whole life.” He says while looking at me. “But we have got to get going. We can’t just sit here our whole life when we clearly have a mission to complete. We need to gather ourselves quick, get to our feet and move on.”
“You think this is all easy?”, Gray’s voice yells from across the room. “You think all of us are kids crying over broken toys. We are adults crying over our broken lives. We have lost so much of part of ourselves. None of this is easy. It will never be easy again.”
The room suddenly falls silent. It stays silent for a minute until I hear a sob, a cry maybe and I see Jia crying with Iva consoling her. “Just don’t fight guys….uhhh…..it….uhhh…won’t help us out”, Jia says in between her sobs. Ray speaks next, “I know Jia, all I want for all us is to be together and just not give up. I wish it was as easy as listening to music for me.”
Mark speaks up now, “Everyone please just calm down. We need to relax aaaannnnnddd eyeeerrryyyoooonneeee focccuuuuuus………..”. Suddenly his words stop making sense to me. I look around and I see faces and their mouths moving.
I hear more talks and voices but nothing makes sense and suddenly it feels like I am not present in the room anymore. I cannot see people around, I am not sitting in the meeting room. I am in a different place, I have never been here. I look around and I see myself. I am standing with people lying on the floor around me. Why are they sleeping here? Oh, wait they are…. Dead? There are dead people lying on the floor and I am standing there and there is blood on my hands and then I look up and there are blue eyes looking at me. I look up again and there are blue eyes looking at me again and maybe I hear something. “Nika, Nika, are you there? Are you okay?” and then everything turns black and all voices become silent.
