Beneath the surface
I dangled my legs into the empty space, my gaze blank, as raindrops spread across my entire body. It had been four days now that my nights all looked the same. I would wander the rooftops before sitting down, completely drained, and then head back home...
"ZAYDRICK!" my mother cried out the moment she heard me taking off my shoes at the doorstep.
"Yes, Mom," I replied, already knowing the reason for her tone. I stood at the entrance of the kitchen, watching her whip up a meal I probably wouldn't eat.
"But my little wolf, I asked you to stop going out looking for him in the rain. The police know how to do their job. I know Alex means a lot to you, but it breaks my heart to see you come home soaked every night. You’re going to get sick if you keep this up..." my mother urged, placing her hand on my forehead.
"It’s fine, you know. The rain just caught me by surprise a little."
"Stop! Don't lie to me. You've been coming home soaked for four days, and you dare tell me you were caught by surprise by the rain?" my mother shot back, visibly annoyed.
"Sorry..." I lowered my head as a sign of sincerity.
"Go take a shower, you're going to catch a cold. No excuses tonight, you are not skipping dinner."
"Understood," I told her, forced to agree. She looked at me one last time with watery eyes, gave my shoulder a gentle pat, and went back to tending to the meal.
The mattress gave way under my weight, and once again, I felt the sting of disappointment that my searches had led to nothing...
It was pathetic. How could they believe it was just a simple runaway case? He would never have done such a thing without telling me.
No.
It wasn't possible.
Alex would never have disappeared without leaving a trace. He would never have betrayed me like that. I had to find Alex, but to do that, I had to stop searching aimlessly. I needed to think differently...
I sat up abruptly, my heart beating too fast, as if an idea had finally pierced through the fog in my head. I grabbed my phone, which was still sitting on my desk. I needed to write down every detail, every single moment of that entire day, Thursday, April 2nd.
A notification popped up. I didn't know this person. I had named all of my contacts; this one had no name, just a dot.
Intrigued, I clicked on the message. No greeting. Just a text written in bold.
I noticed you.
I know who you're looking for and I can help you.
Tomorrow, 7:47 PM at Willow Park.
Don't look for me, I will find you.
"Who are you?" I typed on my keyboard, my hands shaking.
The read receipt appeared. One minute passed, then two, and then more followed. It was obvious I wasn't going to get an answer. The glimmer of hope that had embraced me vanished.
Should I?... Shouldn't I?... Curiosity pointed toward the given destination with the tip of its finger... but fear gripped my sleeve insistently. Curiosity killed the cat... but isn't fear a sign of cowardice?
After dinner, I lay down again, lost in my thoughts. The starlight filtering through my window covered my room in a delicate navy blue.
But in my head, there was only one question:
Did the fear of meeting this person at the park mean that I wasn't determined to find Alex?
That question awakened a suffocant sense of guilt inside me. Because after all, that night, before he disappeared... we had an argument, and he left. Just like that. But I was sure he would never run away over a simple argument. Yet, deep down, do I really know him as well as I claim to?
I would go. I couldn't let this opportunity pass; it might never come around again. So if I had to make a choice, I might as well dive into the deep end.
The only times I could probably consider myself fearless were when I was doing parkour. I had to admit, I was terrified, but did I really have the right to be? What if he really had run away? What if it was because of that stupid argument? What if something had happened to him? What if, at this very moment, he was already...
I headed toward the bathroom, ignoring the singing birds and the rays of sunlight slipping through the windows. I splashed water on my face and looked at my reflection in the mirror.
"Come on, Zay, be a man. You can do this..." I whispered to myself.
"Zaydrick? Who are you talking to?" my mother questioned.
"No one, you must have misheard. I was just washing my face."
"Really? I could have sworn I heard someone. Anyway, go eat your breakfast."
"Okay, I'm going."
I walked down the stairs with a heavy step and sat at the dining table. I served myself some bacon and a few pancakes; my mother really loved making a ton of them for breakfast.
A notification popped up on my phone. It was Lessie...
Less: Good morning mister, still alive?
Me: Yes miss, in the flesh and bones.
Less: What a shame, we had already started dividing up your stuff...
Me: You better not, I'm on my way right now!
I finished my pancakes and put my plate in the dishwasher. I put on my shoes, grabbed my bag, and left the house.
Normally, my mother had been dropping me off every morning since... since he disappeared. So I always left before she finished getting ready without saying goodbye, only telling her once I was already on the bus.
I managed to slip onto the bus just before the driver pulled away.
I took a window seat and looked at the scenery. It must have been more than a thousand times that I'd seen it, yet it was still so serene... I pulled out my headphones and started my playlist. I began counting electric poles to stop thinking.
Outside, the sun continued to rise slowly...
I had always wanted to see that up close... I had always dreamed of immortalizing a sunrise on a canvas. For someone like me who preferred walls to easels, it almost made me want to pick up the brushes again.
Alex... I hope you can see the sunrise too. I'm going to find you... so wait for me... wherever you are...
I still thought I had a choice.
