My first crush
"I was in grade 10 when Mr. Marco joined our school. At that time, I was obese, had a hairy face, and being called names or having people poke my belly had become so normal to me that I barely questioned it. I never thought of myself as anything more than the girl people laughed at.
Then Mr. Marco was assigned to our class to teach maths.
On his very first day, something unfamiliar bloomed quietly in my chest. Maybe it was because he looked at me differently. I always had a sad face, so people assumed I was depressed or unfriendly. But when he saw me, the first thing he asked was, 'Are you okay?'
No one had ever asked me that before in a way that felt real.
After that, I started developing a soft corner for him. He would give me candies as a prize for good grades, and my friends would get jealous. One day, he told me that out of all forty students, I was the most unique one he had ever seen. I didn't understand what he meant, because I could never see myself the way he seemed to.
For a while, his attention felt like sunlight. Once, he even told the whole class they could only go out and play if I said yes. For someone who had always felt invisible in the worst way, being seen like that felt dangerous and beautiful at the same time.
Then one day, I found out he had been removed from all the girls' classes and reassigned to the boys'. I was devastated. He was the first person who had made me feel like I was more than my body, more than the names people called me, more than the ugliness I had learned to accept as truth.
People said many girls had started liking him, and that was why he was removed. Honestly, it didn't even feel strange to me. It seemed natural. Anyone could fall for someone who spoke like honey was dripping from his tongue.
After that, he still visited our class every few days. He waved and smiled at the other students — except me. At first, I told myself I was imagining it. But it kept happening. Again and again, he would walk in, look around, and somehow never see me.
I used to wonder, how can someone see a fish in the ocean but miss the shark?
With time, my crush faded. Maybe not all at once, but enough.
Then one day, I saw him on the street while I was with my friends. They stopped to say hello. I didn't. I just walked away.
And yesterday, while scrolling on TikTok, I came across his account. The first post I saw said: 'WHY ARE WOMEN NOT LOYAL?'
That was the final crack.
My crush didn't end because time passed. It ended because reality finally showed its face. He wasn't the person I had imagined him to be. He was just a man with bitterness dressed up as charm.
It was an illegitimate crush, born only to be crushed by the weight of reality."
