Chapter 1
It was dark, and she was afraid. She knew her mother would scold her as soon as she reached home.
But it wasn’t her fault - her boyfriend had decided to stay longer at the party, leaving her on her own.
It’s not his fault either, she was thinking. Her parents were too strict, wanting her home at midnight. Matt was allowed to have fun.
- He’s allowed to have fun.
She was trying to convince herself.
But truth is, she was terrified - and more than this, she was angry. Angry because a girl should be allowed to come home from a party without fearing for her safety. Angry because for fuck’s sake Matt had told her he’d bring her home at midnight.
She was going to have to lie to her mother, and God knows she hated that.
- Yes mom, Matt brought me home. He was tired so he didn’t stay to say hi. He sends his love, though.
She was practicing the excuse in her head, over and over again, trying to make it sound real, genuine, authentic…
Suddenly something caught her attention. She was walking by somebody’s house, and it didn’t feel right. There was a shadow in the back of the garden, and something (maybe the two beers she’d had) pushed her to go to that shadow.
As soon as she got close, she realised it was a boy. Not more than twenty. He was holding a gun. Somewhere, in the back of her head, she thought she was supposed to be scared.
But the gun wasn’t pointed at her - it was on the boy’s temple.
And suddenly she was conscious of his quick and sharp breathing, the tears on his cheeks, the noise the gun made as it shook in the boy’s hand.
He hadn’t noticed her yet.
So she yelled,
- Stop!
She realised how stupid this was. He could have fired because of the shock or surprise. And who was she to interrupt such an intimate moment.
- Stop! Drop the gun!
He opened his eyes and his chin started quivering.
- Get away from me.
- I can’t. Now that I’m here, I can’t let you press that trigger.
- Leave me alone.
She took a step forward and something changed in his eyes as he aimed the gun at her chest.
- I told you to leave.
The distress in his voice would have been too much to handle if she had been completely sober.
- I can’t.
She said this in a whisper that contained ache, regret, despair.
- I’ll kill you.
These words seemed to give him some courage. He stood straighter as he repeated,
- I’ll kill you. I swear I will.
She shrugged.
- Then go ahead.
She was staring straight at the gun. She could almost have touched it if she had reached for it.
- D… Don’t tempt me.
As soon as she saw the hesitation, she threw herself forward and went for the gun.
There was a shot. And a cry.
They were both on the ground and she started looking for his injury, opening his jacket, touching his chest, stomach, face…
Until she realised that she was the one who had been shot. A sharp pain was flowing out of her left shoulder, and she fell backwards on the grass.
- Oh my God.
- You shot me, she said.
- No no no. I’m not a murderer. I didn’t shoot you. I… You seized the gun. I didn’t do anything. I’m not a murderer.
She was starting to breathe heavily, and her head was spinning.
- For fuck’s sake this hurts.
- Stop talking, it only makes things worse.
- Call the ambulance.
- I can’t.
He shook his head, and his voice trembled when he said,
- I can’t call them. They can’t know I shot you. They can’t know I wanted to--
He swallowed, and she started shivering.
- I’m cold. I need help.
- I… I’ll move you to the sidewalk. I’ll call the ambulance and leave.
- You can’t leave me here.
- They won’t be long once I call them.
- No! You can’t-- You shot me, you can’t run away.
- Do you realise I’m gonna go to prison? I can’t. And even if I don’t go, they’ll know. They’ll tell my father I tried to…
- You tried to kill yourself and instead you shot someone.
- It’s your fault, he yelled.
She closed her eyes, because suddenly it wasn’t that important anymore. She just wanted to rest.
- Stay with me, she heard him say. Stay with me. Shit.
She heard him standing up and running off. She would have called after him, but it really didn’t seem important anymore.
