Even After You

“It’s been ten years and I still miss you ″-

Hii I’m Natasha Dey and it’s my story, story of life, love, grief,cry,and a normal but exceptional story.

May 5th the day I met him, Kaustav Roy I was a fresher and he was a senior good looking, guitarist, student of psychology and member of student council and god really took time to make him have to say. When I first saw him at D.U he was wearing a black shirt, specks and was carrying a guitar bag with guitar. I bumped into him while looking for my class I Natasha, a major student of English literature. We introduced ourselves to each other and then helped me to find my class and honestly I thought it was the end of it because let’s be practical he is a senior and a good looking guy I’ve literally seen almost every girl gawk at him so I kinda forgot about him but destiny had other plans ig. At the freshers party we were paired together for dance I didn’t know that he was good at dancing too and to be honest I joined the team because someone has to represent our English department from the freshers side and because I had a past of learning dancing and doing programs it was the best for me to chip in. At the rehearsal I got to know that he was there too and the couple dance pairs will be in order with a fresher with a senior at least that’s what I thought, well the practice went smoothly actually he knew what he was doing so was I but between these practices and spending time together we grew closer we changed number for work purposes only but that number exchange became personal we chatted for like almost the whole day,from sharing memes, having code words that will only understand, to having nicknames for each other we didn’t even understand when we became so close until the freshers party that day we knew our excuse or reasons of spending time together will be over after and that’s what killing us we knew we had something but couldn’t describe it or say it and then I saw her a girl with red hairs came with holding his hands talking to him like she owns him every inch of him was hers and then she came to talk to me and honestly she was so sweet complimented me asked me about my diet for this perfect body but I couldn’t fix my mind to anything because I saw the way her arms was linked to his and that made my heart hurt after that we gave our performance and it was absolutely amazing everyone praised us but on that stage something else happened something that only we knew, only we felt. After that he came to talk to me but I refused and went home then blocked him from everywhere I was hurting myself it was painful but it was right just because I had a crush on someone I won’t destroy a perfect relationship I’m not that cruel or cheap I let him go at least that’s what I thought.

Almost 2 months later after applying every possible way of ignoring him he kept showing up everywhere I go all he wanted was to and so I gave him a chance and we talked really talked not sulking,or blaming he explained the misunderstanding,it was his cousin and came to see his performance and how he only loved me in every possible way he wanted to be there for me every time he didn’t care how much troublemaker I’m he saw my both side and he gladly loved me for everything I was that’s the moment I realised I was worth of everything I deserved loved all along it was just I was searching in the place but now,now I’ve found my person who loves me for who I’m for him I wasn’t weird or annoying I was a person he love the most.

But it’s not a fairy tale it never was and that’s why this story also has cracks way more than we expect,at first every thing was good actually it was best, being loved and being pampered then after 3 years it started ignoring, arguments and the worst of all silent treatments but I really wish it was just because our problems but it wasn’t he was making me stronger for the future because he knew something I didn’t but he couldn’t hide it longer from me I finally found out he had blood cancer 2nd stage and he was suffering alone all along because he didn’t wanted me to suffer for him he wanted a joyful life for me but didn’t understand that he was joy of my life he was everything that I’ve ever wanted,ever love,and he was leaving me little by little and that hurts more than ever he didn’t agree on chemo because although it was 2nd stage cancer doctor already told us that there is a very very little chance any medication will work because the cancer cell had already spread at lot and this time there is no much more to left to do. He refused chemo and understood that but still I couldn’t understand anything, I couldn’t process anything then I realised I still have a few months with him and I’ll live it my fullest we got married with our families and friends presence after that he was there with me for 10 months 8 days and 15 hours and when he left me he looked peaceful he was at ease, he was pain free but I was left behind I was a mess a total disaster, leaving bed was a hard task for me it was like I was paralyzed and couldn’t do anything about it, he made me promise that’ll remarry and live my life I should the best I deserve and honestly as much as I love him I couldn’t love anyone else and being with someone you couldn’t love is cheating too so I kept and broke my promise.

I never remarried, never felt like I have to but I did live my life gracefully I healed , I stayed, I conquered I reshaped myself and at last I adopted a girl child named her Lily the very first name we’ve picked for our children and Lily never saw her dad but knows everything about him maybe more than me and I’ll keep loving him and Lily on his behalf too.