​A World Made of Scars

The dark blue sedan felt less like a car and more like a rolling cage, just another reminder of the endless conveyor belt my life had become. Behind us, the dark pink house shrank into the distance. On the porch, my now-old foster parents stood side-by-side, offering half-hearted waves. They looked amused, relieved even, that they had finally managed to get rid of me.

"I'm seventeen, Tiana," I said, spitting the words out as the frustration spilled over without any hesitation. "I should be able to be independent by now. Not just keep bouncing from place to place like unwanted baggage."

Tiana, my case manager, didn't look over from the steering wheel. "Ayla, we have discussed this so many times. Once you turn eighteen, this all ends. Besides, this time is a little different." She whispered the words, her tone soft and cautious, almost like she was trying to prevent me from blowing up.

"Nothing will be different!" I shouted, the raw anger burning my throat. "It never is, don't you get that?! Wherever you are taking me is just going to be another temporary hellhole!"

My voice echoed loudly in the cramped sedan, making Tiana shrink back slightly into her seat. She took a deep, stabilizing breath before speaking again. "Ayla... I'm driving you a couple of hours north."

I raised an eyebrow, my skepticism spiking. "North? Isn't that way out of your area? So now you're leaving me as well? Great. Perfect." I muttered a bitter laugh, shaking my head and scoffing as I stared at the dashboard.

"You are getting a new caseworker, yes," Tiana explained, her voice remaining steady. "But not because I'm choosing to leave you. Your grandparents have agreed to take you in."

The words seemed to fly from her lips, catching me completely off guard. My brown eyes narrowed instantly, heavy with suspicion. "Grandparents? I haven't been told a single thing about having grandparents."

Tiana glanced at me through the rearview mirror. Her green eyes practically screamed how much she cared, but it didn't matter. Care didn't keep people from leaving.

"They are your mother's parents," she whispered. "We just recently were made aware of them. And... they also didn't know about you."

My eyes widened, and a sharp, pained laugh escaped my throat. It was a hollow, ugly sound. "My own mother failed to mention she had a child? Why wouldn't she tell her own parents about me? Was I that much of a shameful secret?" I demanded. Deep down, I knew Tiana wouldn't have the answers. I felt like an idiot for even asking.

"I'm sure your mother had her reasons, Ayla," Tiana said, but I watched her face harden in profile. Even my caseworker, who was trained to be neutral, couldn't completely hide how much she hated everything my parents had done.

"Drugs and alcohol are more important to my parents than I am! That's the only reason that matters!" I let the words fly, raw and unfiltered. "They never even wanted me to exist."

Tiana let out a heavy sigh. "Ayla..."

"Don't even!" I cut her off, my voice cracking as hot tears threatened to form in the corners of my eyes. "I don't want to hear some stupid, textbook reassurance that means absolutely nothing!"

To keep from completely breaking down, I pulled my legs up onto the fabric seat, hugging my knees tightly against my chest. I turned my head toward the glass, staring out at the endless stream of vehicles blurring past.

For a long time, the only sound was the hum of the tires against the pavement. The silence stretched, thick and suffocating, until Tiana finally cleared her throat.

"Lots of traffic on the highway today," she murmured, clearly desperate to lighten the suffocating mood with mindless small talk. "Everywhere is becoming more crowded." She reached into her purse, unwrapped a piece of gum, and popped it into her mouth.

"Any specific reason?" I asked. I truly couldn't care less about the traffic, but the silence was starting to feel heavier than the conversation.

"Eh, who knows... could be some kind of protest going on, an event... maybe it's just a lot of tourists," she said, checking her blind spot as she smoothly passed a black lifted truck.

"Ha. Tourists?" I muttered, glancing down at my dark purple duffel bag sitting on the floorboard next to me. It held everything I owned in the world. "Why would anyone come here? Indiana is boring."

Tiana let out a soft chuckle. "Who knows..."

I shifted against the seat, staring at the side of her face as she navigated the highway. The anger in my chest hadn't vanished, but it had settled into a dull, aching throb. Finally, curiosity got the better of me.

"So... what did you actually figure out about my grandparents?" I asked. I knew I shouldn't care. None of what she said would change the inevitable outcome. It was only a matter of time before these strangers realized I was too broken to fix and gave me up, just like everyone else had.

"Well... they live in a cabin that is quite isolated," Tiana explained carefully, choosing her words as if walking through a minefield. "They bought it when they retired. They haven't talked to your mother in a very long time."

I rolled my eyes, leaning my head back against the cold windowpane. "I don't blame them."

"Ayla... she is still your mother," Tiana warned, though there was no true bite behind her words. It was just a phrase she was obligated to say.

"She doesn't deserve that title," I whispered, the fight completely leaving my voice, leaving behind nothing but a hollow ache. "She promised so many times to stay sober. Every single time she looked me in the eyes and swore this time would be different. But it never happens."

Tiana didn't argue. She just kept driving, her hands gripping the steering wheel a little tighter. I turned my gaze back to the outside world, watching as cars speeded down the highway, weaving through lanes. I watched them go, wondering vaguely what they were all in such a rush for, and if any of them were running away from a life as messy as mine.