Chapter 1
On the day of my wedding, my new husband told me, to my face, that he’d been in love with someone else for a very long time. So he wouldn’t touch me. We’d just… make do with each other.
When he said it, the way he looked at me was both despairing and ice-cold. “How long do we have to keep settling in life?”
I met him when I was twenty-seven. Only later did I find out that he’d come to that blind date out of spite against his family.
From the day we met to the day we married, it took less than two months.
When I was twenty-five, I told myself: if I couldn’t marry for love before I turned twenty-seven, I’d unapologetically marry the richest man I could find within my reach.
I didn’t do it. Because I met someone named Zhou Yang.
He was very good-looking, quiet, not particularly cheerful, and not exactly funny or charming either.
But we got along surprisingly well. There was something about his smile in particular—it held an irresistible pull for me. I wouldn’t call it love at first sight, but I was more than satisfied with how that blind date turned out.
In my heart, I clasped my hands together and thanked the heavens for letting me stumble upon the male lead at this age, and with our birth charts perfectly matched at that.
So I gave up on the rich man plan and married him.
Before the wedding, we spent some time together. I let myself imagine, I let myself hope, I let myself believe that love had come crashing into my life just like that, fast as a thunderclap.
But I was wrong.
On the wedding day, he got dead drunk, throwing up violently in the bathroom until there was nothing left.
When he came out, I was standing at the door with a glass of water.
He didn’t even glance my way. He swayed unsteadily toward the living room on his own, slumped against the sofa, and ended up curled on the floor.
I followed him over, set the water down on the table, and asked if he was feeling terrible. He didn’t respond.
I reached out to help him sit up. He refused. Then he slowly lifted his head and looked at me with those eyes—so cold, so despairing—and said, “How long do we have to keep settling in life?”
I froze for a second, laughed it off, and told him he’d really had too much to drink, then tried once more to help him up.
He pulled his hand free from my grip, let out a long breath, and said, “I’d like to be alone for a while. You should go to bed first.”
The night of our wedding stretched on endlessly. From the living room, there was no sound from Zhou Yang at all.
And I, alone in that cavernous bedroom, tossed and turned, unable to sleep. I opened the bedroom window to get some air.
The autumn night was already deeply cold—
In the lamplight, I watched the withered yellow leaves fall one by one with the wind, while the bare, dry branches still stretched crookedly into the sky…
How long do we have to keep settling in life?
I had always felt we had a quiet understanding between us. Like the first time we met, when we both ordered grape-flavored soda without either of us suggesting it. Or the way I had quietly made peace with the idea that a marriage without a sweeping, passionate love story could still be a happy one.
But it turned out he had never truly compromised. The emotions he’d been suppressing had finally erupted. Maybe there was someone he loved. Or maybe he’d simply drunk too much that night…
And yet I couldn’t control the fear that began creeping up inside me.
When I woke in the morning and walked out of the bedroom, I found breakfast already laid out on the table. He was sitting there quietly, as if he’d been waiting for quite some time.
I smiled and walked over—
He told me he didn’t plan on having children anytime soon. He told me he always worked the early shift. He told me I didn’t need to wait for him for dinner after work. He told me if I got tired at night, I should just sleep—no need to leave the light on for him…
I cut him off and asked, “Is there someone you love?”
He lifted his eyes to mine and said, “Yes.”
I froze for a moment, but I wasn’t all that surprised. I said, “I’ll give you time.”
He didn’t reply, just lowered his head and went on eating his breakfast…
Sometimes I would stand before the mirror, lost in thought, telling myself that even if I wasn’t a stunning beauty, I still had a certain charm worth mentioning. Then I’d tell myself, let it go—if it’s not meant to be, don’t force it.
Anyway, no one was rushing me to get married anymore. One simple “I have my own plans” was enough to stop all the prying questions. My life had become, if nothing else, rather peaceful.
