Prosecution
An older man by the name of Elliot is currently making coffee in his small cramped apartment... The apartment was dirty, filled with dust yet a picture of a religious leader remained cleaned and in perfect state... Elliot looked around before pouring himself a coffee and drinking it when the Doorbell rang, As he went to open it his boots thutted under the creaky floorboards. When he looked trough the pipehole he saw a Tall man with long black hair, grey eyes, a black uniform with long coat and on the uniform was a peace circle sign.. Elliot gulped... It was an PR officer. PR was short for policía religiosa, an controversial police force wich was responsible for the killings and imprisonment of non religious people.. But this one... He had a smile on his face.. Probably just a routine check up so... Elliot opened the door.. The mans smile wided as he came in and shook Elliot’s hand before speaking in spanish.
"dios lo bendinga!"
The man said with a polite smile as Elliot shook his hand more cautiously. Elliot then stood back as the man walked in. The man looked around running a finger over the picture of the religious leader looking for dust... Then he looked at Elliot.
"My name is Lieutenant Miguel Baerson. I am here to conduct a research. There has been a suspicious amount of non religious activity in this area so I just came for few questions"
Elliot nodded before gesturing for Miguel to sit at the tabble. As Miguel sat Elliot walked to the kitchen counter. He gestured to the coffee pott before Miguel shook his head. As Elliot sat down, Miguel took out a book looking journal and a pen before nodding to Elliot with a smile.
"Do not worry you are not under any arrest or suspicion. I just came in to ask a few questions and then I will be out of your hair"
Elliot nodded gesturing for Miguel to speak
Miguel nodded opening his book and turning on his pen before clearing his troath.
"Well first question... Were you ever in contact with an non religious person?"
Elliot shook his head
Miguel chuckled
"I am sorry but for the record I will need a yes or no answer"
Elliot nodded before saying
"... No I haven't"
Miguel smiled before writing down his answer
"What congregation are you a part of?"
Elliot looked around for a second before responding, Not making much eye contact
"I am apart of Dios movement"
Miguel looked for few seconds at Elliot before nodding.
"Strict one... Never expected old people to join"
He said writing it down again
Elliot was quiet shifting a bit
"There was a non religious family in this area wasn't there?"
Elliot looked a bit taken back... That was a different question from what he had expected... But as he looked at Miguel he still had his smile but... His eyes seemed... Colder
"How does that relate to the investigation?"
Elliot responded... Miguel was quiet for a bit... Just looking at Elliot studying his face, shifting and sweaty... Before chuckling.
"Of course sorry I just got a bit carried away... I just had to try my luck... My bosses... They are a bit unreal... Want me to solve a case that would take me years! I am just saying it would make my job easier"
Elliot shook his head before saying
"I do not know anything"
Miguel nodded solemnly
"Can't find information from an old kettle"
He said shaking his head
Elliot grimaced a bit offended at him but not saying anything
"Well.. I only have one last question... Are you an non religious person?"
The sudden shift in tone made the room feel colder, Miguel who was chuckling and smiling few seconds ago now had an emotionless expression on his face... The room grew tense as Elliot proccesed the sudden shift in the room... He stayed quiet for a minute... Not a word dared to come out... But finally... It did
"... No... I am not"
Miguel stared... Before suddenly lifting his smile back up.
"Just a procation... Ussualy I can see when a person is lying... Yet you my dear friend... Are the worst liar I have ever met"
Elliot looked at him gulping a bit..
"What?"
He said...
Miguel giggled a bit.
"Why? It's obvious my friend... I can see you are lying... Well... I can see that I have a sharp ear and eyes once again... Now... Sir... I am placing you under arrest for disobeying the law of Dios"
Miguel said standing up pocketing his journal turning around as suddenly he heard someone running out.
Elliot bolted trough the door... Miguel continued calmy packing up with a small smirk on his mouth... Suddenly... As Elliot reached the elevator... A shot was heard... Miguel sighed walking out to the Elevator where a PR soldier stood... Elliot was shot dead on the ground..
Miguel sighed.
"They always run don't they?"
Before walking over the dead body and calling an elevator... As he stepped inside he looked at the soldier and calmly with a smile said.
"Clean it up please.. Thank you"
The soldier nodded as Miguel pressed a button and the elevator took him down
Hello! I am new to Inkitt, so I'm still getting used to the system. It's clear you've done some research into religious extremism, which is why I would like to see more of this. Elliot's introduction was okay, he's just a guy who wants to live his life. However, I feel there is too little time to allow for sufficient plot flow between his introduction and death, and the way it was handled is clunky. It makes me as a reader question the purpose for questioning Elliot, if Miguel knew he was lying, especially if he's shot in the same scene. In my own opinion, this opening chapter could work exceptionally for Miguel, if he were the main character instead. Another piece of advice would be to think more about the logistics of this scene before Miguel even allows himself to knock on the door. Why is he there? What does he intend to do? What is he supposed to do? Does that clash any? Why does he choose to do what he does? You don't have to blatantly list that out to the reader, but as writer, you should be able to understand the characters uncomfortably well. I believe if the characters and their interactions are developed more, and sacrifices to the plot feel earned with sufficient buildup and payoff, it would make a fantastic work.