behind those smiles

Ever since starting secondary school, little 12 year old Reuben. I have known that there was something wrong with me. Not physically but mentally because I have never fallen for one single girl. My mum had always talked about my future with a girl, but. I just can't fall for any. No matter what.

I shut my thoughts up as I snap back to reality. I'm in year 9 as a 14 year old. The teacher stares at me as the class giggles. He says, "Reubens! Pay attention."

I glare at my bullies as they laugh, they put their middle fingers up. I couldn't care less.

After school, as I am walking home someone throws a stone at my head. I turn around and I see that it is Michael and Tommy. My bullies.

I say, "What was that for?" Tears in my eyes.

I am a bit of a crybaby...

Michael says, "What the fuck. He's crying again!" They both laugh like hyenas.

I run home. I open the door and see my dad on the sofa. He says, "Found a girlfriend yet?"

I say, "Why is all you care about is if I have a girlfriend or not?"

He says, "I am just making sure that you don't turn out as one of... Those."

"What do you mean?"

"Gay." He says.

"Gay? What's that?"

"When a boy like you likes another boy."

I look at my feet. Me liking a boy?

I don't know. I have only imagined myself with a girl. But I have never liked a girl. Only boys.

I go to my room and sit on my bed. What's wrong with me? Why can't I just be normal? I lay down and cry. How do I fall for a girl so that my parents will love me?

Next day, it is Saturday and I am sat on the couch watching a magical girl anime, but then Mum walks in and says, "Reuben. Why are you watching this?"

I say, "I like it?"

She says, "That's only for girls."

It doesn't have anything on the menu that says it's only for girls though.

Dad walks in and says, "Ew, why are you watching girl shows?"

He snatches the TV remote from me and turns it off.

I say, "Why'd you turn it off?"

"I don't want you to watch that."

"Why not? It's only a show."

"I've set up a date for you. She's coming here soon. Get ready."

I look at him like he's crazy, "What? I'm only 14."

"I know. Just get ready."

I walk into my room and lay on my bed. I don't get them.