Bleeding Hearts

Vinny spent most of his days curled up under the blankets, stuck in his room without giving much thought to how his current actions would have an effect on his future. The void within was eating him alive, a hunger that couldn't be filled. Most nights he awoke with his sheets clinging to him like a second skin, gasping for air along with throbbing headaches.

Tonight was a bit different from the countless sleepless nights which Vinny was used to, instead of waking up completely drenched in sweat he was jolted awake by the loud blaring noise coming from his phone. The alarm rang forcing him to find the source of the sound in his not so well lit room. The desire to live was slowly slipping away from his weary eyes. With his dishevelled hair and his slobbery face he stumbled across the messy room to find his phone where the screen was glaring 3:30 AM.

He rubbed his eyes and turned off the alarm. Using the phone's flashlight he scavenged for cigarettes among the ruins of his desk. The dark blue lighter with his initials engraved on it was wedged between the stack of unread books and the pack was left in disarray with some cigarette butts still present on the desk. He picked up the nearly empty pack, drew one out while his fingers grazed on the now dulled engravings of his initials.

The rain startled him as he brought the cigarette towards his chapped lips nearly dropping it, fumbled to light it and then dragged his feet towards the balcony. He opened the sliding door to the balcony and sat down on the partially wet balcony floor with the lit cigarette pressed between his lips and stared into oblivion while the boisterous breeze stung him like thousand angry needles. He pressed the cigarette onto his right wrist, the sharp hiss against his skin competing with the steady drone of the downpour. As the cigarette died out, he let the twin rhythms of the sizzle and the rain pull him into a heavy sleep.

The sun didn't shine brightly; it seemed as if the skies were still suffering from the onslaught of the downpour. Vinny awoke to the sound of his own shivering and hollow distant chirping of the birds from nearby trees. His legs felt heavy like lead as he struggled to stand up from the damp balcony floor. The cigarette was long gone leaving him with a smudge of ash and a fresh, angry red mark as proof of the night on his wrist. He slid the door open and stepped back into the mess of his room, but a sharp knock shattered the silence making him return to his senses.

"Vinny? You up? It's 7:30, I'm heading out to attend Professor Josh's class."

It was his roommate Keith, as his voice muffled through the wood of the bedroom door making Vinny reflexively pull his sleeve down to hide the recent burns.

"Yeah, just getting started" Vinny called back, his voice thin and cracking.

He heard Keith's footsteps fade away, followed by the heavy thud of the front door. Vinny stood in the middle of his room, the 3:30 AM alarm felt like ages ago. He crawled back into the same unmade bed, his clothes still damp, and waited for the world to start without him.