The Golden Sponge

The Golden Sponge

© 2026 Kai Landesvatter

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without permission.

The thin black curtains waved open, introducing Dr. Nofork to the quiet, gloomy alley that was the dishwashing station. He moved with purpose, past the rusted steel racks which housed a mismatch of plates, bowls and spices, past the open basin where Odisheuss was spraying into a soapy sea, past the gaunt metal hull of the machine washer. Dr. Nofork walked to the corner, where the alley transformed into a misshapen letter F. At the signature butt of the F’s second leg, he entered a storage closet. He plopped his bags on a hanger inside and slipped into his work clothes.

His glasses gleamed unnecessarily. He slicked back his short auburn hair unnecessarily. He tied on the black dishwashing uniform - necessarily this time. It just consisted of a thin black top, a matching waist coat, wrapped around with a white belt, and nondescript black joggers. All with a small Comic Sans logo which read “Food?!??” in tiny white curving letters. His outfit was effortlessly clean and spotless. He liked noting that fact whenever he worked alongside Odisheuss, who appeared too preoccupied with washing the three remaining lunch plates to notice anything Dr. Nofork did.

Odisheuss’ uniform was much more stained and greasy. The mix of sauces, drinks, blood, sweat, and tears painting it could no longer be identified. Looming over the clothes, his eyes were dark and large, like two miniature black holes. Thick, jagged eyebrows cast a permanent shadow over them and bags of sleep underneath them communicated an oppressive dedication to his work. Odisheuss was bald except for two disconnected strips of black hair wrapping around his cranium like a monk’s, one at the top of the forehead and one a bit higher, separated by around 3 inches of skin. It was definitely a fashion statement, his look; one that unfortunately had yet to be translated into any human language.

Dr. Nofork placed a small cup of coffee on the shelf above the drying area, to the right of the machine washer. He yawned, turning and waving mechanically at his coworker. “Hey Odisheuss. Good morning.”

Odisheuss stared down, almost sensually, at the plate in his grip as he blasted it with water. His voice had been called ‘balls-to-the-floor level deep’, and was hauntingly serious. “I am the visceral disdain of a bleeding Earth ready to engulf the shameless indulgences of a city rife with scum. I am the right hand of judgment chosen to bring cleanliness to a world whose filth knows no bounds. Out of the darkness, will emerge a shining day of vindicated glory against the oppressive grime of society. The last vestiges of humanity’s potential ooze out of the effervescent glow of hope provided by the immaculate cleanser contained between my dutiful fingers. I shall eradicate all sin. And ensure the noble arts do not perish from this Earth.”

“My morning’s been great too, thanks for asking.” Yawned Dr. Nofork again, pulling a basket of disappointingly unclean dishes out of the machine. Upon seeing them, he was going to shake his head but then he remembered something more important. “Oh, Odisheuss, I forgot to tell you, but Sab said there’s a new guy coming in today. You want to be on training duties?

Odisheuss still didn’t look up. He was spraying at… something. Legend has it that it was the invisible pots and pans that just came in. “New dishwasher? No. You train him. I could never hope to transfer all my wisdom to another.”

Dr. Nofork shrugged and took another swig of his coffee. After he finished wiping the muck off one of the plates he’d taken out the washer, he stacked a few dry ones that were already sitting there and walked past Odisheuss. He went off towards the kitchen, turning the corner right behind the black curtains separating them from the dining hall.

Right after he did so, those same curtains burst open again and in walked a young man. He was dressed in a casual, neon orange and vomit green hoodie-jogger combo and had a neatly gelled black mohawk, a thin, tailored moustache. He also carried one bronze spoon earring on his right ear. Engraved in it, and very small, were the words ‘bronze spoons for me baby! Ain’t never knew no silver spoons!’ It was definitely a fashion statement. As he swaggered in, he reached his hand out to Odisheuss at the dishwashing pit.

“Hey wassup mane! Name’s Spoonio! I’m the new guy! That’s why I’m, like, sayin’ my name and shit, ya dig!”

Odisheuss didn’t offer his hand back. He merely eyed Spoonio’s with disdain then returned his gaze to the side of a pan he was allegedly spraying but which he was missing completely with the hose. “Dr. Nofork will train you. He will return from the kitchen any moment now.”

Spoonio lowered his hand. “Okay, cool cool. I can wait.” He pointed at the back of the hall, to the open storage closet where bags were hanging. “I’ll just put my stuff over there then, til mans comes back I guess, if that’s cool.”

He began walking past Odisheuss and towards the back closet, but as he neared it, Odisheuss, slamming the lever of the machine washer down to start a new load, turned to face Spoonio for the first time in their entire, so far, two-minute-history together. “Halt a moment!... Tell me, young man, what demon brought you into the realm of the washers?”

Spoonio shrugged. “I dunno man, just needed some work ya know. This seemed like some easy, entry level shit and I gotta pay rent. Just got a new flat.”

“Come again?” Said Odisheuss, dumbfounded but refusing to show it (because he’s just built like that).

“I mean not too much to it, is there?” Said Spoonio. “I applied. They hired me. Now I’m finna get that money, know what I mean. That’s all I want.”

With that, he continued on to the back closet. Odisheuss shook his head, muttering to himself annoyedly. “Heathen!”

The midday lull always came with a lack of dishes. Odisheuss filled his time by draining the sink’s soaking basin of all its soapy water and cleaning his station, starting with the hosing basin, then moving on to where the servers brought the dirty dishes, and finally the drying area, where Dr. Nofork usually worked. Odisheuss, caught up in the immense thrill of wiping metal surfaces, hadn’t even remembered his coworker’s absence.

Dr. Nofork, meanwhile, spent those hours giving Spoonio a tour around the restaurant, showing him not just the way around the back of the house, which included the dishwashing station, the prep station, the kitchen, the storage area, the bathroom and Sab’s office, but the breakroom as well. The word ‘room’ was perhaps being kind. It was a table in the corner behind the prep station with the word ‘Brake’ carved into the wooden wall. Dr. Nofork then taught Spoonio a little about the menu and mission of the restaurant; how they aimed to make the best Döner Kebab in the city. Then he showed him the rest of it.

At about 3pm, the duo returned to the dishwashing station, where Odisheuss was dutifully scrubbing the ceiling with his sponge, not by using a ladder of course though. Instead, he was squatting on the floor then jumping high enough to throw the sponge at specific spots on the ceilings where it would stick for a moment and then fall. This would leave little suds of soap on the ceiling surface which would, after a few seconds, inevitably fall into Odisheuss’ eternally wide open eyes as he looked up. He would just take it too (he’s just built like that). He said the pain brought him closer to the ‘soap’s hidden truths’.

“Hey Odisheuss, it’s time for my lunch.” Said Dr. Nofork. “Can you take on the new guy for a bit? It’d probably be a good time he got some practice washing and drying.”

Odisheuss rolled his eyes at the pair, stopping mid squat, his eyes bloodshot but unbothered. “Soap be it.”

“Alright, see you guys later,” said Dr. Nofork, exiting the area to head for the break room. He left an awkward silence in his wake.

Spoonio kept glancing at Odisheuss, looking for directions. Even as Odisheuss stretched his legs out by doing the splits between the dishwashing station and the rack holding spare bowls for the prep station across from it, he didn’t say a word to Spoonio. The latter just stood at the drying area, uncomfortably waiting for the machine to finish its most recent load. Finally, after a dozen or so awkward glances, he spoke. “So, uh, since you asked me, I’m curious man, what got you working here?”

“’Twas fate, childish child.” Said Odisheuss proudly. “When I was extracted from my mother’s womb, I emerged with sponge in hand, dutifully scrubbing the crevices of a cast iron skillet.”

“Uh, okay…” Said Spoonio, taken aback. “So. did your mom like die during childbirth or something then?”

“Come again?” Said Odisheuss.

Spoonio shrugged. “I just mean having a skillet in her belly probably wouldn’t have been a good look, my guy.”

“I need to attend a meeting with the water closet at once!” Said Odisheuss suddenly. He straightened up and moved quickly through the hall before Spoonio could even say anything.

Normally, one would not need to pass Sab’s office to reach the bathroom, as it was off down an adjacent hall. However, Odisheuss stopped right at the corner between the two halls, a few feet away from the office door, as whispers of a tense conversation behind it caught something in his ears. He pressed against the wall to try and listen, using the elite stealth skills he learned from years of scrubbing pots. The voices of the restaurant’s owners came out clear to him.

“Look at the financials though! My God…” It was a raspy, old man’s voice. Odisheuss knew it to be Sab, the restaurant owner. “We gotta cut someone I think... I mean, I dunno how else we’re gonna save enough money… At this rate, I don’t think we’ll even make it ’til December!”

“I feel you, I really do.” A softer, old woman’s voice. It must have been Sab’s wife, Hamsuwia, the second in command at the restaurant. “But, let’s think carefully dear. I mean, who can we afford to lose right now?”

“Oh, I think we both know who, Hamsi.” Croaked Sab.

Hamsuwia sighed. “Yeah I know. This is the perfect opportunity to get rid of that weirdo isn’t it?”

“Seems like it at least.” Said Sab. “I mean if the new guy can actually get the dishes clean within the first five tries. we won’t need Odisheuss anymore. No more weird talk about how much he’s obsessed with dishwashing but can’t clean to save his life.”

Odisheuss had heard enough. He recoiled in horror, moving unconsciously toward the back of the hall. Fire him? Fire him and hire a devil the likes of Spoonio? Were they serious? He couldn’t fathom it. He was so shook he couldn’t even open the door to the bathroom. Instead, he staggered into the storage area to the right of it, stumbling through the labyrinth of shelves stacked with miscellaneous supplies. Then, he slipped over a plastic container lid lying on the floor and fell against one of the shelves, crashing into a heap of cardboard boxes.

The impact metamorphosized the area around him. Across from him, in the deepest crevices of the storage area, some boxes had been disturbed and opened by the fall. Trying to regain his composure, his eyes focused on a particularly small one, distinct from the others as it had a sticker on the side warning of hazardous materials. Odisheuss looked closer. This one was filled with sponges. About 5. They weren’t stacked neatly, more haphazardly mashed together. 4 of them were green and blue, similar to the ones he used on a daily basis. However, the fifth one, pressed into the center, was different. It was gold, bright shining gold.

And how it seemed to shine. It seemed to flicker out a ray of light, unnatural and uncanny, unbeholden to the rest of the environment. Odisheuss was lost in its aura, unsure what he was seeing. As he stood up and cleared away the rest of the fallen boxes, he couldn’t keep his eyes off it. Even when he was done and should’ve returned to his post beside Spoonio, his eyes returned to the lone sponge sitting there innocuously. He leaned in to absorb the wonders of its subtle pores and the inherent beauty of its soft, squishy underbelly. And Odisheuss swore it spoke to him, through a fated type of speech, exercised via some long forgotten magic. Its spirit knew him. And it needed him to understand something.

Kill the pretender.

Odisheuss stood tall at once, letting the words sink into him just like he let the knives and forks sink into the soapy basin every day. A few moments later, he had the sense he was not alone. He looked down towards where the bathroom was and saw someone standing there, staring at him with a blank expression.

It was one of the servers, Bubblonia. A woman in her twenties. Odisheuss stared back, taking her in. Boy did she exist. She, in fact, had a body. She had hair. It had color. She had eyes too. They had color too. She also had a face. It looked like something. She wore the black server’s uniform that was slightly different to the dishwasher’s uniform. It didn’t really matter the specifics of how she looked. To Odisheuss, she was beauty incarnate, packaged in the form of the female human. She had a voice too. It must have sounded like something.

“Oh, you’re here. I need to get something from the back.” Said Bubblonia.

“Oh, yes. Upon the natural orders.” Said Odisheuss. He silently and awkwardly tried to get out of the narrow space. Bubblonia hadn’t waited either. She entered the area, preventing any advantage either would have gained by waiting for the other to pass. Now both had to somehow move gracefully through the cramped and disorderly space. Odisheuss finally made it out and Bubblonia in when he stopped and gazed upon her. Whatever the color of her eyes was, it was now pouring into his. He stood deadly still. “Marry me.”

“Nah, I’m good thanks.” Said Bubblonia absent-mindedly. Then, she turned around and dug through the boxes.

Odisheuss walked back to the dishwashing pit as if nothing even happened. He’d long poured his heart into the hose and washer so he could never be affected by such trivial things as rejection. As he got back to his post, he ushered Spoonio to give him back washing duties. Spoonio eyed him in disbelief. “Hey man, that was quick. You even go to the bathroom?”

Odisheuss wiped a blade of fake sweat off the area between the two strips of hair on his head. “Yes. My bladder has at last found redemption.”

“Whatchu mean?” Spoonio said. “The bathroom’s literally just down there. I can see it from here. You just stood outside. It was kinda weird to be honest. I was gonna ask if everything was alright. I know bladder stuff can be like sensitive and shit but if you-”

“Listen, Spoon boy!” Said Odisheuss abruptly. “Did my esteemed colleague teach you about stocking the freezer yet?”

Spoonio shook his head. “Nah, I mean just like that it’s there, and shit. I guess. No stocking.”

Odisheuss nodded. “I, Odisheuss, shall show you it then! Come hither!”

Spoonio followed Odisheuss towards the freezer. As the latter opened the door, Spoonio walked into a chilly and drafty room filled with racks of boxes, their labels revealing their contents to be frozen fruit and vegetables. Odisheuss entered behind him and opened another door, leading Spoonio to another chamber of the freezer, a second area even colder and smaller than the first and dedicated strictly to frozen meat. Here, the floor was even more filled up than the shelves themselves, with an ominously tall stack of freshly delivered boxes taking center stage.

Spoonio shivered, clutching his arms. “Shit, we gotta sort all of this? Jeez… So, where all these boxes go? Like white meat on one side, dark on the other, sorta deal?”

“More like your career on one side and justice on the other!!” Bellowed Odisheuss.

And, without warning, he kicked Spoonio hard into the massive pile of boxes, causing them all to tumble over him, consuming him. It was an avalanche of frozen meat, punctuated by the frosty air inside the room. Spoonio could barely even budge, trapped under the weight of the heap he now found himself in. Odisheuss, meanwhile, quickly left the chamber, followed by the first one too. Then, he switched a knob on the outside of the freezer, lowering the temperature to its absolute minimum. Finally, he nonchalantly returned to the dishwashing station. There were a few pots waiting for him. He began to hose them down.

A few moments later, Dr. Nofork returned to the drying area. He looked around in slight surprise. “Hey, where’s the new guy? It’s not his lunch yet, is it?”

“He’s busy toileting I believe,” shrugged Odisheuss. Then, he spoke very quickly. “Also, the freezer is henceforth horribly malfunctioning so we’d do best to leave it closed for the rest of the day…”

It was hours later, nighttime, when Odisheuss, Dr. Nofork, Sab, Hamsuwia, Bubblonia and the other staff members found themselves in the Parking Lot in front of the restaurant. There was a mix of hysterics and confusion as they listened to dimming ambulance sirens and watched two policemen stand by and take notes. A stretcher began wheeling Spoonio’s body out the restaurant and towards the ambulance. It was passing behind the two policemen just as Hamsuwia came forward and reached out for it in distress.

“B-but how could this happen?” She wailed. “It was his first day! How could he just up and die like that!?”

The first of the police duo stepped forward, blocking her access to the stretcher. “Now, ma’am I’m gonna need you to back up and let the professionals do their job.”

“We just thought he got lost or something!! Not dead!” Hamsuwia obliged and backed up. “How!? How did this happen!?”

The police officer shrugged disinterestedly. “We’re pretty sure the cause of death was freezing, seeing as he was found in the freezer and all.”

But then, Spoonio suddenly began to stir, faintly, his eyes slowly breaking into little slits. He let out a whisper to the cop. “Wait… I’m… still… alive… I”

The policeman cuffed his hand to his ear and leaned in to hear Spoonio better. “What’s that?” He said. “I can’t hear you over the sound of your death.”

Spoonio’s weak whispers continued to crack out. “I… said… I…”

The second policeman now turned away from Sab and the others and towards his comrade. “Hey, did you just hear something?”

The first policeman shrugged once more. “Just the victim telling me how dead he is.”

“Oh alright, carry on then.” The second police officer said, turning back to Sab. “Now I’m gonna have to ask you a few questions, sir, regarding that young man’s unfortunate passing.”

Sab nodded quickly. “Of course of course. But uh, officer, please let me just say I had absolutely no clue about any of it. I didn’t kn-”

“Hey wait a second!” Dr. Nofork burst in between the two men talking. They both regarded him with immense curiosity. Then he turned sharply and pointed a finger at Odisheuss, who was standing a few yards away, leaning against the railings of the restaurant’s entrance ramp, trying and failing to look discreet. “Odisheuss did it! He was working with him at the time! He must have done something!”

The first policeman raised his eyebrows. “Now that’s quite the accusation. You got any proof?”

“He-he told me not to go in the freezer!” Dr. Nofork exclaimed excitedly. “And, and, and, everyone knows they were gonna fire him if that kid was any good! So that’s a motive right!? He was jealous! He’s got an unhealthy obsession with washing dishes! He would never wanna lose this job!”

The two policemen exchanged serious glances with each other. Then, the second one walked slowly towards Odisheuss and stared him down. “Heavy charge we just heard. So, what do you have to say to that, Mr. Odisheuss? Did you kill that boy?”

Odisheuss shrugged hard. He suddenly wore a goofy and whimsical oopsie face and his voice shot up a few octaves as he spoke. “Nah homie, never that.”

The second policeman turned swiftly back to the first one and nodded. “Sounds pretty convincing to me.”

“Yup.” Agreed the first officer. “Words have never been said more innocently than that.”

“What!?” Dr, Nofork gaped. “You believe him!? Just because-”

“Please officer, don’t take this out on our restaurant!” Said Hamsuwia, rushing towards the first officer and tugging at his arm. “Unsafe work conditions, health violations, whatever you’re thinking, don’t do it! We really can’t take the hit right now!”

The first policeman considered her words. His eyes danced around deliberately as if weighing viable responses. “Well I probably should give you a strike for this… a death is like bad and all… but, you know, this is the Soapbeit Union. I don’t get paid enough to care ’bout, like, moral or ethical things like that. So listen if you just, you know, got a little extra cash on you… ”

Sab reacted almost immediately, reaching into his pockets and laughing uncomfortably as he blurted his words out. “Of course sir, of course! I will get a check sent asap! For all your hard work ahah”

The first policeman nodded at Sab and then at his comrade. “Looks like our work here is done. We’ll be checking for that check! But for nowzles, let’s roll out!”

The second policeman joined the first. “Here’s to another job well done!”

They followed the path of the departing ambulance as they walked down the street, laughing amongst themselves. “You see what I did there, checking for that check?” Said the first policeman, patting himself on the back.

“I sure did!” Said the second. “Who needs punishment, when you’ve got pun-ish-ment!”

“Ooh I gotchu!” The first policeman high fived the second, then pointed his thumb in the direction of the restaurant. “And, did you get a load of her? Health violations, unsafe conditions? Where does she think this is, the United Plates?”

As the police fled out of view, Sab wrapped his arm around Hamsuwia and let out a large sigh of relief. “Phew! It’s days like this I’m so glad we moved to the Soapbeit Union! It truly is a worker’s paradise!”

“Not when your workers are literally getting killed on their shifts!” Said Dr. Nofork angrily. “I mean, seriously, is no one else suspicious of Odisheuss right now!?”

Sab ignored Dr. Nofork and addressed his other dishwasher instead. “Oh that reminds me, Odisheuss, if you receive a pink slip in the mail, just toss it, no need to open... and uh, we look forward to getting back to work with you and Dr. Nofork tomorrow.”

“That’s right,” Said Hamsuwia, trying and failing, like really bad, miserable even, to make a convincing smile. “Our favorite employee is still with us.”

Odisheuss bowed. “Yes, fear not. I shall never abandon you like the bubbles abandon a porcelain plate as the suds disperse.”

Dr. Nofork waved his arms in indignant protest. “Oh, for crying out loud, Odisheuss killed that boy! How can you guys not see that!?”

“Cry silently Nofork!” Said Sab sternly. “Don’t accuse your fellow washer! Not now! We need unity to keep this restaurant afloat, ’specially at a time like this!”

“What about the others,” said Dr. Nofork, looking around quickly in search of support. “Bubblonia you agree with me right?”

She shrugged disinterestedly. “I mean, police have never been wrong before, right? So nah.”

Odisheuss felt a giant boost of pride after hearing her words. They were basically married now. Sab nodded at Bubblonia and then turned back to Dr. Nofork and Odisheuss. “I’ll see you both in the morning…”

Sab, Hamsuwia and then the remaining staff, including Bubblonia, began to walk off into the night, leaving only Odisheuss and Dr. Nofork standing together in front of the entrance ramp. Dr. Nofork rounded on Odisheuss, pointing his finger directly at his chest. Odisheuss merely looked at the ground. “I’m watching you, Odisheuss! Don’t think you can get away with anything!”

Dr. Nofork suddenly lurched back, his face shaken with surprise. The cause; a single silvery tear running down the face of Odisheuss and whose droplets began to meet the Earth below. Odisheuss raised his head and his somberness became clear. “The only thing that’s crazy is that, because of something so insignificant as a young man’s demise, we were unable to finish washing the nights’ last three forks. Our employers would rather go home after witnessing a death than let us clean silverware… just what has the world come to?”

“What!?” Said Dr. Nofork at a loss for words. “Whatever man, you got issues. Just remember I’m on to you, even if no one else is. I’m going home now.”

Odisheuss remained silent as Dr.Nofork went on his way. He was unsure what to do. Something kept telling him to return to the restaurant. As soon as Dr. Nofork’s silhouette vanished from sight, Odisheuss faced the blackened out light of the restaurant. He wanted to go inside but the front door was locked. Luckily, he knew some secrets. He whipped around the back of the building, where the large trash and recycling bins sat on non pick-up days.

He climbed atop the trash bin, attempting to see through the back window. Still not tall enough, he pulled the bottle of Dawn Ultra dish soap he always carried with him out of his pocket and used it for extra leverage. It was voted the most versatile dish cleaner in the country for a reason after all. Now he could see through the back window, and into the storage area.

There, a shining golden dot conveyed to him the message that that special sponge was still there. It had already took him to the promised land. It had saved his job. And yet, as he peered into its magnetic glow, struck by its overwhelming presence, he knew there was more it could offer him. It had proved its worth. And now he would need to prove his own in return, by retrieving it from the dusty box in which it lay, and revealing its power to the rest of the world.

He was certain of this somehow, treating it as fact. As if the sponge was speaking in a language only he could understand, just like earlier. Transfixed, he made a silent vow to start using the sponge the next time he returned to work. His sixth sense told him it was going to be the best decision he ever made. As he hopped off the trash bin and disappeared into the cold void of the night, he knew that sponge was going to change his life. There were no doubts in his mind that he would soon become what all other men could only dream of becoming: the greatest dishwasher who ever lived.