I don’t wanna have another heart attack
Depression is like death.
It's fast, it's slow, it's cruel and sometimes bittersweet.
It hits you when you least expect it, in the most brutal way possible and you have no choice but to deal with it, to accept your fate and let yourself surrender to it. It comes in different shapes and sizes, different season, different methods, sometimes it disguises itself like peace and quietness while slowly eating your heart away, mine?, well.. mine looked like him
With his brown hair, quirky glasses, charming smile and cute as hell dimples, his towering height and Insane body, his extraordinary talent?, making me feel like the only girl in the world, the way he looks at me, smile at me, hold me, speaks to me, like death waiting for it's cue
Maybe I shouldn't have told him how good looking he looked the first day we met, maybe I should've ignored my best friends request to come over to campus that day when I clearly knew her motive, maybe I shouldn't have worn that cute little black dress I wore on purpose to capture his attention, maybe I shouldn't have smiled when he said he loved my eyes. I shouldn't have met him
Cause maybe then, I wouldn't be curled up like I am right now, Into a ball, earphone In my ears, playing in a loop, Olivia's 'honey bee', maybe I wouldn't have thoughts of blocking her everywhere, the one girl that held me when no one else did, maybe I wouldn't have to watch sad videos to cry because...because I let myself feel when I said I never will
Was this my karma? If it is. Then what did I do exactly?, exist?
It's Monday, I should probably get out of bed, I should dress up, put on a smile and skip down the stairs like I didn't stay awake all night holding my heart in my hand, I should face my mum and siblings that made it their daily mission to chant how selfish I am or how skinny I look and brand it as a joke because that's la familia right?
And I do all that actually, I pack my hair up in a bun, slip on my most comfortable black pants and black tee to match, plug my earphones back in and continue the never ending loop of my fav album.
College may not be as bad as highschool, doesn't mean it's any less tortuous, just less queen bee bitch and more life hit you like a brick, and I should be used to this, the moment I was born, life slapped me hard, it's almost comical, I mean I'm sad all the time and my name is literally bliss, the irony right?, Named bliss and still feel like this. Ughh that's by the way.
Anyway back to my story, how did I meet this particular guy, well my loveliest audience, it was the best day to the worst year of my life.And I do all that actually, I pack my hair up in a bun, slip on my most comfortable black pants and black tee to match, plug my earphones back in and continue the never ending loop of my fav album.
College may not be as bad as highschool, doesn't mean it's any less tortuous, just less queen bee bitch and more life hit you like a brick, and I should be used to this, the moment I was born, life slapped me hard, it's almost comical, I mean I'm sad all the time and my name is literally bliss, the irony right?, Named bliss and still feel like this. Ughh that's by the way.
Anyway back to my story, how did I meet this particular guy, well my loveliest audience, it was the best day to the worst year of my life.
