Dear Diary

“Bryce,” a loud, stern voice shouts. Jolting up, I push back my hair and awkwardly smile. Mrs. William stares dead at me. Judging from her furrowed eyebrows and her pursed lips, she is not pleased. The millions of times she shouted at people for resting their heads flash into my mind.

“Yes, miss,” I say, pretending I’m not seconds away from snoring. She rolls her eyes and sighs, pinching her brow bone. Crossing my fingers under my desk, I hope she moves on. I'm usually good in class. This is the first time I've ever slept in class.

“You’ll be with Caleb," she says, deciding I’m not worth the effort. As soon as the words leave her lips, laughter erupts from the back of the class.

“Oooh, Caleb, you're so lucky,” Andrew says loudly, sighing as if he is oh so disappointed.

“I know, right? I wanna be paired with him too,” Michel adds. Before they can progress with their cruel joke, Mrs.Winston interrupts them.

“You’ll all be paired with him if you keep that up,” she says before returning to her computer. Yikes. Why does this have to be my life? Sure, she is trying to stick up for me and get the boys to stop making an ass of me, but why did she threaten them with me? Am I the worst thing in the world? There must be something worse than being in a group with me.

Whatever. Glancing back, I watch them push Caleb around. He doesn't laugh or smile as he would have before. He just chews his lips. Mrs.Williams calls out other groups; I doodle on my paper. How am I so unlucky? I see enough of Caleb already. I don't need to be his partner in class. Slowly, I turn in my seat, trying to sneak a glance at him. He is staring dead at me now, so I quickly whip back around and face forward.

Mrs. Williams lets us go into our groups, and Caleb walks over and sits down next to me. He yanks down his baseball cap and avoids eye contact with me. It starts to get awkward as neither of us talks. Picking at the fuzz on my pants, I watch the time pass.

There are only thirty minutes left of class; I can just ride this out until I get to go home, and I won't have to see him anymore.

“What have you two been working on?" Mrs.Williams asks from behind us. We both

jump, accidentally brushing each other. He sharply pushes me away as if I’m dirty. She looks at us, our empty paper, then back at us again.

“Look, I know you boys don't get along, but working with people you don't get along with

is a part of life.” We both awkwardly nod, unsure how to reply. I glance at him, checking to see if he is really absorbing her message or just nodding so she'd stop talking to us. He glares at me, turning his body away, and I face forward.

“Please start working and utilize your class time,” she says. I nod, turning back to the paper. For a couple more seconds, we sit in silence, but I don't want to get in trouble again, so I speak up.

“We-,” I start.

“I’ve got it,” he says, dismissing me with a quick wave.

“Yeah, I was just saying we-,” I try again. If he won't be difficult, we can just talk for a minute or so and not get in trouble.

“Stop it,” he huffs under his breath, interrupting me again. He glances back over to his group of friends who are laughing amongst each other. It isn't my fault we have to work together. I don't even want to do this with him.

“We literally have to do this,” I whisper back. He rolls his eyes, groaning, as if I’m the one forcing him. We work in almost complete silence until Jordan comes over. He starts to talk to Caleb, and I can only listen in on their conversation. I watch him through my paravision. Hes perfect. In every way. He isn't like Caleb and his evil friends.

He cocks his head, then smiles at me. Quickly, I turn away. My face burns, and I breathe in slowly, trying not to appear startled. He takes his seat after a moment as class comes to an end.

After dismissal, I quickly walk out to the front, relieved to be free from my situation. I rush to my mom's car, jumping into the passenger seat. A cool breeze circulates in the car. Scoffing, I roll my eyes. Just last year she'd yell at me if I’d roll down the window and turn on the AC at the same time. Now look at her.

“Hey mommy,” I say, giving her a smooch on the cheek. She kinda smiles a little. I can’t tell if it is from me or if she is beaming from whatever James is texting her.

“Hey baby,” she says. Her voice is slow, soft, and distant.

“How was work?” I ask. She laughs at her phone a little, shaking her head. She snorts too, throwing back her head. I try to peek over her shoulder. I like to laugh too. I love jokes too. She leans away, turning her phone screen from me.

“I didn’t go to work, honey; I was helping James fix up your room,” she finally replies, barely glancing up at me. I sigh loudly. She continues looking at her phone. When I groan again, she finally looks up, turning her phone over.

“How was school, baby?” she asks, kissing my cheek. I stay quiet.

“Did something happen?” she asks. I don't respond. I only glare at her. Where is my mom? Every day it’s James this, James that, the house this, the house that. How many times do I have to say I don't want to move in with these people?

“Aww, babento, what's wrong?” she asks. She reaches out to touch my face, but I lean away.

“I like my old room,” I mumble. I toy with my fingers. Most of my stuff is in boxes. I know that very soon we'll be packing out, but still. The least they can do is consult me.

“Well, you'll like this one even more; it's much bigger,” I sigh, looking out the window at

all the kids leaving. I bet their parents wouldn't rip them out of their home and transplant them into a new one. About 3 minutes into my pouting, I realise we are not moving. Not only that, but there is no line, shes is not attempting to drive off at all.

“Why are we still here?” I ask.

“James wanted me to pick up Caleb," she says. I groan loudly. Why me? Why me? Why can’t James come down here himself and pick up his own son from school?

“What is it?" she asks, turning back to look at me. I stay quiet, not having an answer I’m willing to tell her. Not to mention she doesn’t want to hear ‘I really hate Caleb’ anyway.

“Caleb,” my mom shouts out her window. Some kids perk up, turning towards our car.

“No, Mom! Stop!” I shout. I duck in the backseat, praying none can see me. Why is everyone determined to embarrass me today?

“Why not?” she asks. She raises a perfectly threaded eyebrow at me.

“Because?!” I shout, exasperated. A: No one does that. B: No one does that. C: No one does that. That's the explanation. Not to mention everyone at school thinks I'm a loser. The last thing I need is my mom shouting out her window.

“Because…,” she asks.

“...” I don't reply and just stare at her as if she ought to know what I'm talking about.

“Caleb! Caleb, come!” she starts again, shouting out the window.

“Mommy, stop!” I shout, but she refuses to listen to me.

“Caleb, come,” she calls, reaching out the window trying to flag him down.

“MOM,” I shout, and she stops, turning to me.

“Fine, go grab him; we have to go,” She says.

“No, Mommy, please, let's just go,” I say. I’m not approaching Caleb with his friends and telling them my mom is calling him.

“No, beneto, we’re getting married; our families are supposed to be one. I can't leave my son behind,” she says, shaking a finger at me.

“Hes not your son, Mommy. I am,” I say.

“Yes, baby, but he's now your brother; you two have to get along. I know it's awkward, but you’ll get used to it. Now go get him,” I groan, stepping out of the car. I’ll never get used to him. He stands by the gate, talking and laughing with his friends.

As I make the walk over to him, I call his phone. He doesn't answer, so that leaves me no choice.

Turning back, I glance at my mom, but she is watching me. There is no getting out of this. I stop by them, and their attention turns toward me when they realize I am not going to keep walking. I make intense direct eye contact with Caleb.

“Hey, sorry, I want to tell you something about the homework,” I say. He scoffs, and his friends snicker as if I said something stupid.

“What do you want?” he asks.

“Well, I'm moving today, and my mom's picking up my brother, so I won't have time to do the homework after school, but I'll do it in the evening when I get the chance,” I say. His annoyed expression fades into a look of concern.

“Can't your dad pick up your brother?”

“ No, he's not coming. My mom wants to pick him up now!” I say. He chews his lip.

“Well, I'm going to pick up some stuff by the back gate, so from there I'll just go home and do the homework,”

“Well, I dunno," I start. A car honks, and I peek back, seeing my mom wave her hands.

“My mom is getting really impatient. I have to go. She really wants to pick up my brother,” I say, widening my eyes.

“Yeah, well I've gotta go anyway, I've gotta grab my stuff,” he says. I walk back to my mom's car, hopping inside.

“He said to pick him up at the back gate,” I say, sighing.

“Why? I’m already here,” my mom says.

“Because he's going to pick something up and it's by the back,” I say. She looks at me for a minute, but after seeing him head in towards the back gate, she pulls out. Upon reaching there, he hurriedly hopped in.

“Good afternoon. I'm sorry for the trouble I had to pick up something,” he says.

“No, no, it's no problem," she said with a bright, wide smile. I rolled my eyes, sorry for the

trouble? He never apologised for the trouble he gave me, not even once. In fact, he currently still

gives me trouble.

“Did you boys have fun at school?" she asks. We both begrudgingly nod.

“Well, we just finished bringing down everything, and James is already putting furniture

around. I just want you two to bring up what's left of the boxes,” she says. We both nod.

The car ride is awkward, especially because my mom keeps talking, asking us

both a million different questions. It doesn't get any better when we get to James' house.

We eat the snack my mom made us before we put the boxes back. It’s so creepy when both my mom and his dad watch us to see if we'd talk. I glance back at them, then back at my food.

Caleb ignores them much better than I do. I feel bad that they are putting in a lot of effort to make us get along. I don’t want to be the jerk and not cooperate. Caleb doesn't mind being a jerk, though. He never minds.

Even though I make an effort to talk to him, it's always awkward. I have nothing to say to him. We aren't friends, we don't want to be friends, and we never will be friends.

We move all the boxes to my new room, and Caleb left after the last box. My mom is right; the room is massive. It’s like 3 times the size of my other room. Grabbing scissors, I sliced open a box and started to unpack my things. Someone knocks on my door.

“Yeah,” I say. The door opens, and James pops in, smiling widely

“Hey kid, how'd you like the place?” he says, leaning against the door.

“It's nice, thank you," I mutter. He beams with pride.

“I don't want you to feel awkward, ok this is now your place too. Feel free to do what you

like. If you need help with anything, just call me, alright?” he says.

“Yeah, sure, thank you,” he says, and I let out a breath. It is always super awkward whenever Caleb's dad starts being super nice to me. He is okay and all, but still.

He and my mom dated for 2 and a half years before he proposed. For the first year, I did not know who she was dating. She never allowed me to even see so much as a picture.

It was great then. He was just a random guy my mom would laugh on the phone with. Not to mention he'd constantly buy me things. It was awesome. If I had known he fathered an evil monster, I would've done something. I wouldn't have let myself get distracted by presents and money. Now I'm stuck with Caleb as a stepbrother.

He would always hint his son was in my grade. I never bothered to investigate. At first I was kinda interested, but after a while I didn't care anymore. It was apparent they would tell me on their own time.

That time finally came. One day my mom told me that we were going to dinner together. I was kinda excited. My hope is that he doesn’t know me or know about how I get bullied by Caleb and his friends. I wanted to look cool and stuff. When we saw each other, my world exploded. I was devastated. I couldn't even eat. The dinner was so awkward. I was silent and so was he. Neither of us had a thing to say to the other.

They asked us if we knew each other, and we both opted to just lie. Our parents found our reactions so amusing and wanted us to be best friends so bad.

After dinner, I begged my mom to break it off with James, but she obviously refused. I really didn't know how to tell her Caleb was a big bully who specifically targeted me and was super mean to me, so I've just been suffering for the past 6 months.

I should've acted earlier. At that point, it wasn't too late. Now it is. They're officially getting married at the end of the month.

At the same time, I'm glad I didn't. I'm not selfish or anything. My mom is really happy with James, and even though his son was a piece of shit, he is really nice. And he treats my mom really well.

When I was little, my father passed away. My mom has been taking care of me by herself since then. She is a completely different person around James. She is always smiling and laughing. It is kinda obnoxious, but I'm glad she's happy.

I break down the last box, tossing it in the corner. Something missing. I look around, but it isn't there. I tear through my sheets and flip through everything I just organized. I don't have many things, so there is nowhere else it can be.

I fly downstairs where James, my mom, and Caleb are.

“Hey, um, did anyone see a little book? It's pink, and it has stickers on it?” I ask trying not

to panic. They all look up at me.

“Honey, I put it in a box,” she say.

“I already finished unpacking; it's not there,” I complain. There is only one person in the room who is most likely to steal my journal. I glared at Caleb.

“Give it back,” I say

“What?” he asks, taking out an earbud. He looks at me unimpressed, as if he doesn’t know what I'm talking about.

“My book! Give it back,” I say, trying not to shout.

“I didn't take it,” he says. His nonchalant attitude irritates me. How dare he lie to my face?

“Liar! I know you did!” I shout at him, clenching the railing.

“Brycson?!” my mom says. She comes over to me, pulling my face close to hers.

“Baby, don't go accusing people of taking your thing; we just moved in,” she whispers.

“Mommy, but he did, I know he did,” I say. Of course she's taking Caleb's side. That's so like her.

“He didn't, honey; you probably misplaced it,” she says.

“I didn't, Mommy. He took it, and he's going to show everyone and make fun of me”

“Now why would he do that?” she asks.

“Because that's the type of person he is,” I shout. She smacks me softly

“Don't say that about him; it's not true. He wouldn't do anything like that,” she says.

“Caleb, if you have Bryce's book, give it back,” James says.

“I didn't take it,” he says defensively. “I don't care about his silly book”

“Liar! You were the one bringing in the boxes,” I shout at him.

“Hey, hey, hey, it's enough,” my mom says. “The book? It's probably lost. I'll find it ok?”

I glare at her too. What a traitor. He obviously took it. I don't want her to find it. Caleb should give it back. It has personal, private information inside. That's not fair. It’s not right. She shouldn't be protecting him.

“I need it back,” I whine. My stomach rumbles. If Caleb has my diary, my life is over. He'd show all his friends, and he'd tell them I like Jordan, and everyone will laugh at me, and he'll show them everything I've ever written in my book and all my secrets and personal information.

“Bryce. We'll find it, ok?” James said, smiling at me.

“Ok,” I mumbled.

“Why don't you stay downstairs? Dinner will be finished in a bit,” he says. I shuffle uncomfortably. Feeling my mom's stare and his, I already know they aren't asking me. They are telling me.

“Yes, Beneto, watch some TV,” she says, pushing me over to the couch where Caleb is.

Sitting. She sits me down directly next to him, giving us both pats on our heads. I cringe. I am going to get up, but I decide on just scooting away. There is no reason my leg needs to be touching his.

I really want to get up, but I don’t want to disappoint my mom. She really wants us

to get along, and I don’t want to ruin it for her. I look over at him, but he is just on his phone. I leave my phone upstairs, so I can’t even enjoy that luxury.

Finally, dinner comes, and we dig in. Dinner feels so awkward for me as I am literally being forced to engage with them. James and my mom are persistent. Question after question. They can’t get the hint that I don’t want to chat. After dinner, I head to my room, lying on my bed. If by the weekend my mom didn't find my diary, I’ll dig through Caleb's room. He better hope he doesn't have it. If I find it with him, I’ll beat him up. Or maybe just tell on him.

…

In the morning, I spring up early so I can shower and dress before anyone wakes up. It's not that I think Caleb is that bad of a person, but the last thing I need is for him to take a picture and post my cheeks on his story.

The house is nice though. Water beats down my back. I sigh. The water is not only amazing, but also the right amount of pressure. As much as I want to be a hater, his home is amazing. After my shower, I dash to my bedroom and dress.

By the time I finished, everyone was starting to get showered. I wait for them by the door. Eventually, my mom came downstairs. She still had her hair covered and her nightgown on. She chatted with James, not seeming to be in a hurry. Finally, they separate, and she steps into the kitchen while James walks over.

“Hey kid, did you sleep well?” he asks me. I nod. Caleb walks over, and we both pause and look at each other. Caleb groans and rolls his eyes, bumping his shoulder as he passes me. I follow after him, climbing in the back of James' car. We pull into the school after a couple of minutes, and I stop him.

“I get off here; it's closer to my class,” I mumble. He hesitates, slowing down.

“You're not going with Caleb?" he asks. I shake my head, pointing to the nearest building by the back gate.

“That's my class,” I lie.

“Alright… have a great day at school,” he says, and after a second of hesitation, he let me out. I hurriedly jump out and start the trek down to my 1st period. My class is actually closest to the front gate, but Caleb and I made a deal that we won’t let people know we are about to be step-brothers. That means we can never let anyone see us together for any reason.

I open my classroom door, sighing. Sweat is starting to bead up on my forehead from the uphill walk. I wipe my face when I see Jordan is already in class. The last thing I need is to look like a sweaty pig in front of him.

“Hey,” I say with a smile.

“You're here early?” he asks, and I nod, giving a small “yeah”. My cheeks burn. He and I aren't exactly friends, but he never made fun of me.

We are table mates in first period. He is actually much kinder when he isn't around his friends. Sometimes when he asks me for a pencil, I get to touch his fingers. Racking my brain, I try to find something to say to him. He isn't on his phone today. This is the perfect opportunity to strike up a Conversation.

“Hey,” I blurt without really thinking about what I'm going to talk to him about.

“Hey, what's up?” he asks. I freeze, staring at him for a couple of seconds.

“i… just… wanted…to say … hi” i finally spit out awkwardly laughing. The corner of his lips slightly lifts.

“Hi?” he says, also giving an awkward laugh. I could slap myself. “I just wanted to say hi.” Who even says that? Maybe I should just wait outside until class starts so we don't have to sit in silence any longer.

The bell rings, and Mr. O'Brien starts his lesson. I'm paired with my seat partner, who is Jordan, for the classwork. We look at each other, and I smile.

“Confidence, Bryce, you guys are already together; it's happening right now,” I tell myself. Why won’t he like me? I'm kinda cool—in a way.

“Are you going to the dance?” I ask him.

“Yeah,” he says. He lightly draws on the corner of his paper.

“With whom?”I ask.

“My friends,” he quiets down, and so do I.

“I'm going with my friends too,” I say. That is not exactly true. I had no friends to go with, but if he thinks I do, then he’ll want to go with me too. The law of pursuit. If someone gets the impression you are booked and busy, they'll want your time more. It's psychology.

“Nice,” he says before returning to his paper. I smile to myself, feeling my heart flutter. He totally likes me. He is just super shy about it.

The hours pass, and soon I find myself in 7th period sitting next to Caleb. I play with my fingers, counting each wrinkle on them to pass the time. I look at him, watching him play with the lint on his jersey.

“What have you boys been working on?” Mrs. Williams says, startling us.

“We were just about to start,” I mutter.

“You two need to start utilizing class time. This project is worth 100 points; you can't just be messing around.” She shouts, red in the face.

“Ok,” we both say in unison. Just like before, I try to talk to him, but he shuts me down, scribbling on the paper.

After class, I sit in the front waiting for my mom. Strange. Usually by this time she's here.

“Bryce,” A familiar voice shouts. James is parked in the pickup line, reaching over Caleb, and waving me over through the truck's window.

“BRYCE,” His voice booms. Cringing, I try to avoid eye contact, but it's obvious he saw; I saw him. My classmates stare as I race to his car. Uggh. Here I am trying to fly under the radar, and this man is screeching my name.

I reach the window, and my heart stops. The entire backseat is full of all Caleb's friends.

……. To be continued

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