PROLOGUE
Sasha
Life shouldn’t feel as blank as it’s doing right now, like a canvas waiting to be painted on.
The laughs and the chants with friends, all the alcohol, letting it rain down on me, drenching me until all the memories washed down my body.
Messing with the floor instead of my mind.
Until the high wears off and it’s only me alone, with makeup that feels more like a mask.
Hiding my real self from the others to see.
Maybe the future I am worried about isn’t even there?
The pills that help me sleep at night, can they help me sleep forever?
So the memories of my dead mother would stop confronting my mind and corrupting me more than they already have?
A groan left my intoxicated lungs as I got on my feet and padded towards my study desk.
My dingy room is the only corner in my whole house that feels like home.
Its dinginess is something I have started to take comfort in.
Lighting it up feels like I am letting go of the memories of my mom cuddling me and my dad reading me stories until I fell asleep.
Until she left.
Gone were the stories and the comfort.
Crying myself to sleep had been my first outlet.
Then it was alcohol.
I still remember the first sip I took when I was 14.
It was bitter, something I wouldn’t want to drink again.
But with each time my father sprinted away from my vicinity, the gulp started to feel less and less bitter.
The separation overpowered the taste I once found unappetizing.
The high started to feel more like a second home; at least it made my dad’s absence tolerable.
But it didn’t today.
The alcohol didn’t conceal my father’s absence today.
Because today was my birthday and high school graduation.
He didn’t show up.
Taking another chug, I stared at the university form on the cream wooden bench beside my self-defence books for dummies.
It was the end of a phase; everything was over except for the cold war with my own daddy dearest.
I would not be missing anything; school was boring anyway, and the friends I’d made had no better place than my blacklist, still,
I am a college student now, and life couldn’t get any better.
I set the beer bottle, which I might have stolen from the bar counter, down and looked at the acceptance form from the most prestigious university.
Royal st louis, I look at the glide of cursive that says
″ Congratulations! We are delighted to inform you that you have been accepted to Royal st louis in recognition of your exceptional academic achievements and unique contributions. We look forward to welcoming you to our distinguished community, where we are confident you will continue to excel″
Next week is my first economics class, the course that I picked just for the sake, anyway.
I coughed with a sudden urge to throw up.
Guess today got a little too inapt; I ran off towards the bathroom and barfed whatever little I had eaten today.
