Chapter 1
Prologue
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My hands were shaky, i could feel my heart going crazy. Visioned blurred through bright lights, my balance shifted while weaving through the lanes. We've both practically flinging in our seats. The hot blood pumping through my body— if it wasn’t for the fact that I was so high or so fucked I wouldn't be panicking as much. The music and sirens, all the yelling from the police it was all going to fast, I could hardley think! Muttering curses to myself along the rhythm of a song before swerving into the Intersection. Floor boarding the petal; you couldnt hear the damages of both mine and other cars over the panic “I cant do this! I had a life!
I Didnt want this!! Why did you do this you said you loved me-.. You promised nothing would happen! You-” My face got wet. I was tearing up. She was right. She was panicking just as much as me, she started to grip onto her hair going back inforth in her seat; tensed up. The car roared and beamed, the sirens bloodcurdling with loud roars as we accelerated.
she wasnt usally like this but it was till now this moment i pushed her to the breaking point because.. I was the breaking point..
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The last years of my life down the drain, It was finally over. My education, I was supposed to go to college; I was smart but I’m stupid, alot of people are. I didnt just want to party till I die of a over dose.. I wanted a life so thats what I had bought, But at that time i worked as retail.
Wasnt much but it paid my phone Bill, the one thing i needed other than my family or what I could call it. I lived a normal life, with a normal hobbies and expectations. The grand nine to five.
Day 01”
I sat at the counter waiting for an old lady to count her change before hanging it to me taking her usual, 6 cans of pineapples with apple juice. Specific but true “Thank you have a nice day Ma’am!” I gave a cheeky smile before throwing my head down groaning. My shift began at Nine a.m it’s only been about three hours and I could feel my social level depleting “Hey baby girl” her words slurd extending to my ears before she ran to the back leaving me in silence. I waited as a small family would come in, The children would run through the isles coming back to the counter with chips and companied with gas as Cindy came out scooting me over as she reloaded the lottery tickets, the family left “Here ill take over for you” I pushed her back “No, I need the money I’m saving for a apartment. I’m tired of living with my dad. Moms been studying to go to college and he thinks that i need his criticism every second now” I slouched looking up at Cindy as she laughed to herself “Listen you always have me, I could pay but you don’t Like dogs” she scoffed going back to the storage of the station to grab the paper towels and cleaning off the doors to the beverages. I never moved my eyes from her body, a beautiful woman she is, her hair split into two braids; I started to lose myself in her motions “Hey my eyes are up here! Reporting for sexual assault! She giggled before slamming the rag on her shoulder adding on “You really need a girlfriend. What happened to the short blondey?” I stood quiet before fixing my belt “Experimenting. And she was cheating on me with some dude..” My voice got low. Linda stayed in a relationship with me for about half a year before fessing up about her lies, a free loader with compulsive stealing habits— I lost money and possessions to that straggot.
Cindy pittied me, she was bad at hiding it; She always been there for me every time I got broken hearted, but you get used of it after a while.. Love doesnt last and when it does it's not easy. Most girls i had sexual tention with them till they got bored of my doings, others wanted revenge, a hit n’ run, or even just something to do even if you didn’t swing that way and if it wasnt them then it was me not being to loving or some bullshit like smoking. If it wasn’t them it was me, and I tried my best. You get comfortable and let people know about yourself and your the automatic stereotype of a ghetto black girl; Smokin’ ,trashy, low life, single and might I mention gay. Men hate and want you, some women want to be you and the gay men ‘are you’. We can’t all be queens now…
Cindy shook her head resuming her task "Listen friend I'm not trying to be rude but you really need to figure that shit out.. That track record of your little flings or whatever has to be psychological or something. It's actually insane how many times you've gotten burn.." she huffed giving a glance back before changing to clean the inside fridge. I watched her in annoyance, I broke my spine maintaining the hunched position over the counter. Tapping my nails against the cash drawer I waited for the next groups to arrive.
People passed through the mart through the hours some more annoying than the next.We duo'd at the register as it got busy later in the day. Once it settled we swept up and tidied around. I traded positions with Cindy I went to grab a box to restock from the back, the whole mart was chilled and stunk of a toned down wet dog , and Cindy's cheap perfume. I shook the boxes lightly grabbing one assuming through the sound of chips as it rustled. I walked it out to the middle isles. Cindy fiddled with her phone in hand, as I ripped the box open before settling it on the floor I looked back at her-- I wrestled with my thoughts for a moment "Hey Cindy.." "Hmm?''. I pulled at the folds "You think like loves easy for people or it sucks for everyone..?" she pondered for a moment as she balanced her phone flat against her palm "Uhmm that's a good question.. For a professional..' she muttered lightly "Damn girl Im just waiting for the shift to get by I really don't want to be like this today okay?" she gave a long exaggerated sigh. I gave depreciated chuckle proceeding to put the bags away "Girl you and me both.. I just- I dunno just like I know it's not impossible but what am I doing wrong?" her fingers tapped against her phone screen aggressively which I genuinely made me believed she was texting about me, in a monotone voice she answered "Fucking straighties''. I shook my head rolling my eyes, I moved farther along the isle. Shuffling the misplaced bags into their rightful areas and making room. “Listen I don’t know what to tell you. When I wanted a man I got me a man.... With my little ‘girlfriends’ it’s just girl drama so I don’t really get the gays y’know ? plus two periods and some hungry bitches yelling over stupid shit.. Phew! I can’t even handle when a man breathes wrong! I couldn’t imagine anything you’ve gone through.. I would’ve already got locked up for knocking some sense into’a bitch”. sucked her teeth at my direction "Damn my bad I was just playing you know I like messing around-- I forgot you can't take a joke when you're like this.." I gave a look at the ceiling before turning my focus to her "I just wish you were a little serious, this is my real-life struggle" Cindy giggled at my annoyance "Hey hey.. Instead of hating me what if we went partying after this shift, My cousins havin a little get together with a little everyone you'd love it and can get drunk" I sighed and kept on my task "Ugh I hate going to the clubs! men talk to me or you and then I'm left alone for the whole night... Ugh ill just hang out at home or something maybe nap.." Cindy groaned loudly "OH my godd!! get out of your funk, We can go to the gay bars and bar hopping maybe tag along with other people who knows and if I leave you then uhm.. can take my card! and go have fun..Its like you're reward and my demise " She gave a hopeful smile as I slowly returned on inch by inch "hmmm I keep my money and its almost free.. Hmm very tempting " I teased I slammed the rest of the chip box on the counter. I reached into my pocket for my cigarette case "You wanna do the rest and I have a little smoke..? Huh ?" She a furrowed lip and lightly pushed the chips back to me as I edged away "Huh?.. Is that a yeah? Yea..?" I winced taking wide steps as she pulled it back to her body "Yea. Yeah get outta here before I change my mind its not like were gonna be busy now.." she groaned and opened her phone and she waltz towards the walk way whilst I fled out the door.
