Chapter 1
CHAPTER ONE
THREE MONTHS
By four in the afternoon, the Government Girls Degree College library had almost emptied.
December came early to Mehrabad. The cold settled over the old town before sunset, creeping through the library's cracked windows and gathering in the corners between shelves. Most of the girls had already gone home. A few remained at their tables, bent over their textbooks, preparing for examinations that were now only three months away.
At the far end of the room, beneath a window with a broken latch, sat Meher Fatima.
Her twelfth-grade psychology textbook lay open in front of her.
She wasn't reading it.
Beside it rested a much older book with a faded cover and yellowing pages. She had borrowed it from the library weeks ago. The librarian had already reminded her twice that it was hardly appropriate reading for a student preparing for her final examinations.
Meher had smiled both times.
The book was about human behaviour.
She found it more interesting than anything in her syllabus.
She was halfway through a chapter when a shadow fell across the page.
"You are doing it again."
Meher looked up.
Sana Riaz stood on the other side of the table, two books pressed against her chest.
"Doing what?"
"Reading everything except what you're supposed to read."
Meher glanced at her untouched textbook.
"I've already read this chapter."
"You've read it three times."
"Exactly."
Sana pulled out the chair opposite her.
"And you still haven't learned it?"
"I learned it the first time."
"Then why are you reading that?"
Meher looked at the old book.
"Because this is more interesting."
Sana leaned forward, trying to read the title.
"You actually enjoy this?"
"Sometimes."
"Psychology, crime, behaviour, lies..." Sana counted the subjects on her fingers. "What kind of person reads these things for fun?"
Meher turned a page.
"The kind who gets bored easily."
Sana laughed quietly.
"Sometimes I think you're not actually a student."
Meher looked up.
"What am I, then?"
"I don't know." Sana paused. "You're sixteen. You should be worried about exams, clothes, boys, and what you'll do after college."
Meher closed the book halfway.
"I am worried about what I'll do after college."
"University?"
"Yes."
"Which one?"
"I don't know yet."
"Then where?"
"The city."
Sana raised an eyebrow.
"That's not a place."
"It is to me."
For a moment, neither of them spoke.
Outside the window, the winter afternoon was turning grey. Somewhere beyond the college wall, a bicycle bell rang and faded into the distance.
Sana rested her chin on her hand.
"You really want to leave Mehrabad?"
Meher looked through the window.
She could see only a narrow strip of road between the buildings.
"I don't want to leave Mehrabad."
Sana waited.
"I want to leave the life I have here."
There was no anger in her voice.
That was what made the sentence sound heavier.
Sana studied her face.
"Your mother will never agree."
Meher said nothing.
"And where will you get the money?"
Still nothing.
"Where will you stay?"
Meher's fingers moved slowly along the edge of the book.
"I'll figure it out."
"You haven't even decided which university."
"I'll decide."
"You haven't saved any money."
"I know."
"You don't know anyone there."
"I know."
Sana stared at her.
"Then what exactly do you have?"
Meher looked at her for a moment.
There was something almost childish in her expression.
Then it disappeared.
"A reason."
Sana's smile faded.
She didn't ask what the reason was.
The library clock ticked above them.
4:37.
Meher began putting her books into her bag.
"You're leaving already?"
"I have to."
"It's not even five."
Meher closed her bag.
"If I stay too long, I'll have to walk home after dark."
Sana hesitated.
"Is it that bad?"
Meher stopped.
For a moment, she seemed to consider telling the truth.
"No."
A pause.
"Just crowded."
Sana understood that the answer wasn't really an answer.
She let it go.
They walked towards the library door together.
At the entrance, Meher stopped and looked back.
The room was almost empty now.
Rows of old books stood silently behind glass doors. Dust moved through the last pale light falling from the windows. Somewhere inside the building, a chair scraped against the floor.
For a moment, Meher imagined another library.
A larger one.
In another city.
Shelves filled with books she had never seen.
People who knew nothing about her.
No one asking where she had been.
No one deciding what she would become.
She almost smiled.
Then she remembered the date.
December.
Three months.
Her smile disappeared.
"What's wrong?" Sana asked.
"Nothing."
"You're doing that again."
"What?"
"Thinking about something and pretending you're not."
Meher looked at her.
"You notice too much."
"I learned from you."
That made Meher smile again.
They stepped outside.
The cold struck immediately.
The courtyard was nearly empty. A few girls stood near the gate, talking before heading home. Somewhere beyond the boundary wall, a bus groaned along the road.
Sana pulled her shawl closer.
"See you tomorrow?"
"Probably."
"Probably?"
"I'll be in the library."
"Of course you will."
Sana started walking away, then turned.
"Don't forget your exam preparation."
Meher lifted her bag.
"I won't."
But she knew that wasn't entirely true.
Her textbooks were in her bag.
So were the books she wasn't supposed to be reading.
And between them, folded carefully inside the smallest compartment, was a piece of paper.
Nothing complicated.
Just a date.
She had written it herself.
Three months from now.
The day of her final examination.
The day her family had already decided would be the beginning of her married life.
Meher stood at the college gate for a long moment.
Then she started walking home.
The winter evening was coming quickly.
And for the first time, three months did not feel like a long time.
They felt like a deadline.
