As Cold as White (Unedited)

Darkness incased me like a cold embrace. Trapped within the confines of nightfall, I found myself running. My heart was beating a mile a minute, sweat dripped down my forehead onto the grassy grounds, and my breathing was caught in my throat.

Yellowish-red eyes roamed my flesh that was covered with goosebumps. Teeth so sharp, it could bite through bone. Its humanlike nails elongated into black claws; ready to dig into my skin. To this thing, I was a food source that kept it roaming on this Earth.

“Help,” I cried out, but to no avail no one answered.

My strides were getting shorter as weakness consumed me.

“Please,” I cried out again: “Help me!”

From a distance I saw a boy; no older than I was. He was hidden within the forest. His brown eyes caught mine as he laid out a hand for me to grab. I recognized him within an instant! He was my savor. He was the key!

“Help me,” I mumbled in my sleep. I was awoken by my alarm permeating its cacophony of noises throughout my room. Annoyed, I slid the dial on my iPhone shutting off the sound.

Throwing the blanket off myself, my feet touched the cold wooden oak floors. Mornings are rough, seeing that I am more of a night owl.

I touched my hair which was damp. My hands were shaky from the fear that engulfed me.

“Another nightmare,” Softly I spoke to no one.

As usual I got ready for school.

When I entered my room again after brushing my teeth and washing my hair; I found my little brother laying on his stomach humming a sweet little melody while kicking his feet in the air.

“What are you doing, Rollie,” That was the nickname I gave Roman after our mother gave birth to him.

“Rubbing my boogers on your bed,” he mischievously laughs. He jumped off my bed onto the floor with his little eight-year-old feet dodging my capture.

When he reaches the arc of my doorway, he turns around blowing raspberries my way.

“Na, na, na, boo, boo you can’t catch me,” He teases.

I reach for him playfully. He screams but avoids my capture again.

“Stay out of my room!”

“So-Yoon, be nice to your brother,” Mother calls from the bottom of the stairway: “Breakfast is ready!”

I hear the patter of Rollie’s tiny footsteps run down the stairs.

I grab my rusty navy-blue backpack to head down too. The backpack was a homage to my late father who passed before I was born. He was murdered at a graduation party, that he and mom attended 20 years ago. Mom never gave me details about dad’s death or his killer, but she has spoken about Abeoji with a gleam and light in her eyes. When she talks about him, she comes alive!

I wish I could have met my Abeoji, he seemed like he would have been a cool dad!

I visited Halmeoni every weekend since I was a baby. In fact, from the ages for newborn to five years-old Halmeoni would take care of me while mom was at university. Aunt Jody stops by almost every day to check on us.

“Blueberry pancakes again,” my brother groans.

“Hey, at least we have food,” Mother gently chastised.

As I enter the kitchen, mother gave a peck on my stepfather’s lips. She then proceeds to give her children a peck on the cheek as well.

Mother’s black hair has streaks of gray from the stress of being a nurse. She was overdue for a makeover. I made a mental note to book her an appointment with her usual hairdresser.

Dad is sipping on his coffee reading the latest news on his iPhone. While Rollie is pushing around the blueberries on his plate.

“What’s wrong, Rollie?”

“I’m tired of blueberries! We have these pancakes like every day since like forever,” he puts his face in his palms groaning in annoyance.

“I’m sure dad is willing to share his bacon with you.”

“Oh, please, please, dad! I’m begging you,” Roman is giving his dad the best puppy eyes I have ever seen.

“Sure, sport.”

“No,” Mother scolds placing a spatula on dad’s hand to stop him: “Bacon causes cancer. He’s too young to eat that crap.”

“Why am I eating it if it causes cancer?”

“Because you love it and you’re a grown man.”

“You’re just trying to collect that life insurance early,” dad teases.

I grin to myself while placing a cup of joe to my lips.

And that’s when I see it.

A dark figure looms at my right peripheral vision. I place the cup of coffee down gingerly to not spook the figure or my family. I enter the hallway of the front door that leads to the stairwell.

There before my eyes is a mysterious dark form. It looks like massive dark clouds. Trying to hide its true form from me. Either way it wants to talk, just like the others before it.

“How can I help you,” I ask it.

“It’s too late. My name has been stained with murder upon their mouths.”

“What can I do to clear it?”

“No one will believe you. For what is true is not a reality.”

This is one thing I dislike about ghosts, some of them talk in riddles.

“Then what do you want?”

The ghost did not show its face or answer my question. It disappeared into the ceiling.

“What is true is not a reality,” I whispered softly to myself trying to piece together what they meant.

I brushed off the riddle with a shrug. All I know is that it’s Tamale Tuesday and I have a date tonight.

“Dad, you’re watching Rollie tonight,” I reminded him as I reentered the kitchen, “I have a date.”

“Yup. We’re going bowling.”

Mom gave each of us another kiss before we headed out to our destinations: “I’ll be home late. Another long shift today,” she hollered after us before closing the white front door. You could see it around mom’s eyes, the dark circles from the lack of sleep. She needed her rest and this was the best time she was going to get it, while everyone was out at school or work. Mom always claimed that: “nights shifts are always fun,” but from what I can see it’s not.

The warmth of the California sun felt like a sincere hug. We were greeted with news of good weather.

My brother hopped inside my White 2018 Toyota Camry. Another homage to my Abeoji that I could not let go of. As old as it was, it still ran taking me to places I needed. Mom and dad have offered to get me a new car, but I’m not ready to depart from this car just yet. Plus, it still has miles I could run on.

“Not today, Rollie. Dad will be taking you to school. I need to get to my college, and your elementary is out of my way.”

“But I don’t like car rides with dad. He doesn’t listen to songs only the news.”

“You know I can hear you, Sport.”

“That’s the point,” my brother lets out a huff in annoyance, “I will never forgive you for this, sis.”

“You’ll get over it.”

Rollie stuck his tongue out at me before hopping inside his dad’s luxury car.

***

“I’m a Barbie girl, in the barbie world, life is plastic, it’s fantastic…” I belt out Barbie Girl by a band called: Aqua. I was a minute away from school when suddenly a saw the savor from my nightmares. I had to blink a couple of times to make sure I was seeing correctly. There at my rear-view mirror sat my Abeoji in the back seat. I knew I would finally be able to meet him!

“Appa,” I questioned? But then he disappeared when I glanced at the rear-view mirror again. He was gone and tears formed in my eyes. Just when I was about to meet him, he disappears. The quick glance I got of Abeoji was just like the photos I’ve seen he had wavy jet-black hair that stopped just above his ears, his face square, his shoulders and chest are broad from all the weightlifting he did in high school, and his eyes were a soft chocolate brown just like mine. I had so many questions for him. But we’ve never been able to talk. He saved me in my dreams a million times over, but not once was I able to ask him: how are you? What can I do to help you pass into the light? What did you love about mom?

I parked my car at its usual spot: an area under the shady trees to beat the scorching hot Northern California sun. There are trees that border the parking area to provide an abundance of shade, which is why a lot of students don’t fight for parking. I look in the rear-view mirror in hopes Abeoji would be there; my eyes began to water seeing that he wasn’t.

“I know we’ve never met, Appa. But mom, s-she tells me stories about you a least every day. And I just wish I could tell you how much I miss you and wished we could have met before your passing,” I whisper to the wind in hopes he catches my voice. All I ever wanted was to talk to my father. And with this power of mediumship I was gifted, I know I can, again he has never visited me like this. Only in my nightmares he had come to save me.

I just don’t understand why we haven’t been in communication yet.

I slam the door shut and wipe my tears away.

Looking at my iPhone, I have 20 minutes to kill before class began. I decided to dilly dally at the cafeteria that was in the middle of campus. It had almost every fast-food chain: Starbucks, McDonalds, Chipotle, Panda Express, and subway.

The community college was big for a college that was not a university. I wanted to stay close to home and it had the program I wanted. I didn’t always know what I wanted to study. After my high school graduation, I took a year and half off before enrolling in college to get my associate’s degree in dental hygiene. I stayed back and watched all my friends leave out of state for university. But man, when they were back home, they had a ton of crazy stories to tell me about the house parties they attended!

Me, I like a simple life; not a crazy one.

While I took a gap year, Mom told me about Abeoji wanting to become a dentist after high school. Like my father, I wanted to follow in his footsteps, but I decided to take a more affordable option in becoming a dental hygienist.

The cafeteria was not busy like it frequently is. Maybe students were already in class? I looked at my phone; it was nine o’clock in the morning. That explains it! Everyone probably had class in the afternoons. I was never a morning person, but I liked to get my classes out of the way. This provided me with more time to study, work, or enjoy my artistic hobbies.

“Do I really need another cup of coffee at nine in the morning?”

“Since you’re not a morning person; I say yes,” Jeff the ghost replied, I tried to ignore him but couldn’t resist talking to a good friend. Hopefully, people think I’m on a phone call and not talking to myself like I’m a lunatic or something.

“Jeff, don’t you have a bathroom to haunt,”

“Darling, do I look like Moaning Myrtle from Harry Potter,” I look at my phone to check my bank account. I have a hundred dollars, and I don’t get paid until Friday. “Girl, treat yourself.”

“You’re not helping!”

But Jeff the ghost is right, I should get that second coffee! I’m already exhausted from today: “Jeff, stop trying to drain my energy to talk to me.”

“Girl, you wish. It’s not me but that guy over there,” Jeff points and to a glowing figure. Light surrounded him like he came from the heavens himself.

“Appa?”

“So-Yoon, you’re in grave danger,” Jun Yong-sun Cook, the savor in my dreams, my father, placed a hand on my shoulder. He had come to warn me. But what was the precautions about? His energy was too overwhelming. I could feel my powers draining quickly. I saw darkness before I could clearly see my father’s face of concern.