Falling

"I never would have thought or even guessed what I needed in order to feel like myself again. Myself.

Which one?

The self that I was convinced I was, offering it to the world as the truth, the self that I chose to believe it was me, embracing ideas of the world as if they were my own, or the self that was pulsing beneath my skin till the depths of my soul, whispering my desires not to my ear, but to my very heart.The self that lies underneath everything I picture as human, the one who screams for a taste of...life.

Which self am I battling for?

What do I desire most?

And there you were.The object of my desire.Not because I needed saving or because I wanted to grant one to someone, but because you gave me that peace, not the mundane, boring type,but the kind of peace that ignited shivers to my core, that would make me go to war for what it embodies.

A place in which your ancient blue eyes were signalling what I was. Hinting at a path I would follow forever even if it would lead me nowhere. Because in that nothingness.... I would still have your gaze watching over me...

A place in which light wasn't mine to take, nor yours, but it was written in your almost undetected pupils, because of the shine of your sapphire, that it was part of you. One thing is for sure, I will see that place again, I'll make sure of it. I've been told not to dig through to find answers, but who wants to be obedient when you can be ecstatic?"

These were the words on the final page of my journal. The ones lingering now in this man's mind.

Intimate and vulnerable.

Raw and sincere.

The way I starved for that place was now exposed to someone else.

Surrounded by books and paintings he let out a sigh,a theatrical one.

He was in my room.

Reading my private story.

In my house.

He was in my space,making me wonder whether he was a thief or..

No. Why would a thief read my journal?

Is he who I think he is?

No. I promised myself I won't let this obsession scar me again.

"Are you going to call the police? Or at least tell me to get out?"He sighed again, trying to keep a grave tone, but his almost-smile betrayed him.

I could see his profile while he was still reading my...everything.

His eyes followed every sentence, adressing me without letting go of the page.

"Unless you want me here." His almost smile grew into a wide smirk,making my heart skip a beat.

"Not bothered enough by my presence to put down my journal?" I asked.

"I like to take my time with things that I enjoy."

"So you enjoy breaking into people's houses."

He let out a laugh, surprising even himself, quickly containing it as he placed my journal on my work table. He scanned the room slowly, faced me, leaning against my desk. His eyes met mine as I couldn't stop staring at them for what felt like eternity bottled into a few seconds.

A string of hair fell on his face, and his expression was nothing short of beautiful, when he shamelessly pulled my leg "Is this your way of deflecting from my question?"

"I would not consider that a question. More like a provocation."

"So you do consider me a threat after all."

Is he?

Am I losing my mind?

I should be cautious not intrigued.

But there it was, that gut feeling.

"The police are already coming. I called when I saw the door open. Also, there are cameras everywhere...if I'm dead, you're dead."

He gave me a mischievous yet intrigued look while scanning me from head to toe, spiced by a hint of sadness like he was doing something forbidden that only his lawyer should know about.

"Don't lie if you intend to be so bad at it."

He called my bluff.

There was no police coming.

But the cameras, those were real.

Should I tell him?

"There are cameras." I insisted. "Not even the devil's advocate can get you out of it...unless you don't do more damage."

I tried to grasp some air as I felt the situation was dangerous and a pair of sky eyes won't change that.

Although...

"Next time don't invite me then."

I blinked.

"What?"I exhaled

"You left the door open. Too tempting for my curiosity."

His blonde hair shimmered under the moonlight as he ran a hand through it.

I wanted to say something, anything, to keep him from vanishing.

But time was up.

He walked toward the door.

"Wait!"I shouted, running after him, only to freeze when he lifted a hand, signalling not to come closer. His eyes sparkled just enough to keep me curious, but not enough to hide his disappointment.

"I demand answers."

"You demand?"His tone sharpened, annoyed.

What is wrong with this man?

Showing this range of emotions. He acts as if I am the one who broke into his house and looked through his stuff.

His gaze turned quickly into a fierce one.

Who is he?

"Then go find them!"He teased."After all, who needs to be obedient when you can be ecstatic?"He quoted from my journal, the one I abandoned last year, after that....unfortunate event.

"What about making your own lines?"I shot back.

"Who says I don't? Although...I have other skills I rely on."

"Show me. " I said boldly but I was actually desperate for him not to leave.

He paused.

Shock flickered across his face, followed by a soft smile and something like disbelief.

"So you do want me here."

I choked losing my composure.

"Who are you?"

“Not a thief.”

Another quick look.

And he walked through the damned door.

"Oh, you can't just go like that.. " I whispered, pulling open the door he'd closed.

But to my despair, when I stepped outside, he wasn't there anymore.