Prologue
L I A M ♦ W R I G H T
WOLMERS BOYS HIGH SCHOOL
There was blood everywhere as teachers yanked me back, slipping the rachik knife from my hand. Blood ran from the cut on the side of Roshae's face and the stab in his shoulder where I missed.
"Oye, easy yuh self! A diss uno come a school fah?!"
"Fuck mi ago fuck yuh up, yer mi a tell yuh!" I tried freeing myself from the teacher's grip.
"Guh suck yuh mada!" He sneered.
"Guh suck back yuh big stinking mumma, pussy! A who yuh, man?!" I hissed when the teacher hauled me out of the classroom.
"Come out yasso man," The man hissed, grabbing onto my shirt.
I box his hand off. "Stop soil up mi shirt badman."
He held my knife in his hand and shoved me towards the stairs. I hissed my teeth and he brought me to the Dean's office. My blood boiled and my hands clenched into fists as they decided to call my parents again.
At this point mi nuh give a fuck.
I kiss my teeth again, folding my arms across my chest.
Third fight this week and a nuh my fucking fault but a me ago get di blame. Coming like di world 'gainst me or sum'n to pussyclaa'.
Every fucking time di man dem just a pick pan mi and a nuh like mi a do dem nuth'n. Mi stay to myself and dem cya fucking avoid me.
Morewhile mi not even know why mi deh yah.
Then Mommy ago come gwaan like all is well, make it seem like mi fucking wrong fi stab di pussy inna him face.
One set a man nuh supposed to a take bloodclaat set pan me because mi nah fast wid dem.
And mi father ago tell mi how mi nuh hear and him tired fi talk to me. The same fuckery over and over a-blutclaat-gain.
Well, mi tired fi talk too so mi stop chat. Chattings nuh go nuh weh!
Better mi get di fucking lick dem and done. Used to it a'ready.
When my parents arrived, the disappointed look on their faces was evident. My mother stared at me with both pity and disappointment. I looked down at my shoes, arms still crossed.
As they talked, I zoned them out and occasionally the words 'expulsion' and 'anger management' came up. I chuckled to myself and tapped my shoe against the ground.
Second high school mi a get kick from eno, but mi nuh care.
Nobody never did a listen before because it's always 'Liam, every minute yuh quick fi raise yuh hand off'a people' and 'Liam, how much time mi ago tell yuh fi make dem chat'.
Wull a dem fi shut the fuck up at this point. Mi sick and tired fi hear it, mi tired fi talk, mi tired overall.
Sorry mi fucking born, God know.
Coming like a crosses dem set pan mi.
Once the meeting was over, my father was pissed as he stomped off to the car. I went upstairs to retrieve my bag and walked out, heading to the car. They were already inside when I slid into the backseat, shutting the door.
As they drove out of the school, my father started arguing. The atmosphere in the vehicle was tense and I kept repeating how tired he was to talk to me. I zoned them out and stared outside, watching the vehicles drive by.
It's like they believe I want to be like this. I want to be angry and quick to retaliate. They believe I want to be the constant disappointment in their eyes. The child they can't be proud of or have to warn before taking me around people.
I don't want to be like this, but no one listened to me.
Never plan fi bawl 'bout it either. Waste my fucking tears fi wah?
Parents always talk 'bout how pitney hard-a-hearing but dem nuh listen.
Dem never fucking listen!
My father continued to yell when we reached a stop light. "Mi send him a fucking country and him nuh change! A nuh like mi nuh try eno, but nuh pitney nuh supposed to fucking stress me out suh!"
I exhaled deeply and leaned my head against the seat, plugging my AirPods in.
When we finally reached home, I slipped my AirPods into my pocket and slung my bag over my shoulder. I waited for Mommy to open the grill to our home before walking in behind her.
Taking my shoes off, I picked them up and was about to walk to my room when she called my name. I gritted my teeth and took a deep breath.
"Yeah?" I turned to her, not meeting her gaze.
"We a do sum'n wrong?" She asked, her voice soft and nurturing.
It wasn't her voice that made me immediately irritated though, just the question.
"No," I simply replied.
"Why every minute yah get inna fight wid people? And yuh resort to bringing weapon to school? Yuh know seh now police ago investigate because yuh stab the bwoy?" She asked me.
I don't answer.
"And weh yuh think ago happen then? Mi talk to yuh and yuh still do the same thing over and over again," She stressed.
"Uno nuh affi worry 'bout me. Mi good," I stated, walking off to my room.
"Liam, a you mi a talk to eno," She called out.
Leaving the door slightly open, I set my shoes and bag down before removing my uniform. There was blood on my khaki shirt and I brought it to the bathroom, running water over it.
Closing the bathroom door behind me, I took down the baking soda and vinegar from the cupboard. I poured the baking soda over the blood spot and then the vinegar. The blood stain slowly moved and I waited before rinsing out the shirt.
At this point, a sum'n weh mi used to. If mi nah wash out my blood, a smady else own.
Tsk.
After going outside and hanging it up, I headed back into the house to hear my father arguing in the living room. His voice got louder as I snuck into the kitchen, grabbing a Duplex sandwich biscuit, banana chips, and a Hot & Spicy tin sausage.
At least him nah hide him frustration. I wouldn't want him to.
"Coming like a dung a di bomboclaat school mi take up residence. Why mi affi guh dung deh three fucking day inna one week? Why mi affi dung deh at all when a fi bad, every fucking time?" My father continued.
Man seh him take up residence dung a school. The level of unseriousness is crazy.
Comedian dem eno. Tsk.
"Mi ago ask Daddy fi talk to him or make him stay dung there likkle because mi nuh know wah fi do nuh more. Mi talk to him eno, it's like mi nah try." My mother's voice cracked as she spoke.
I looked down at my feet, feeling a wave of guilt flooding my body. Shaking it off, I took a juice from the fridge and walked back to my room. I quietly closed the door behind me and walked over to my bed, climbing onto it before picking up my phone.
Unlocking the device, I scrolled through my WhatsApp messages and saw a few from Graham. My finger hovered over her name and I licked my lips before opening her chat.
As I expected, she bring up wah gwaan yesterday. I sighed, replying to her messages.

Graham: Liam, why yah ignore mee?
Me: Mi nah ignore yuh
Graham: Then why yuh nah answer?
Graham: Yah act weird from yesterday and a never me tell yuh fi kiss me
Me: Graham, guh ez
Me: All now mi nuh seh nth boh dat eno. Stop kill up uhself
Graham: Kmt.
Graham: A das why yah act suh! Yuh not even respond to mi text this morning until mi double text yuh
Me: The kiss naave nth fi do wid dis, yow. Ez nuh bredda
Graham: Whatever.
I sighed, not liking her tone and shook my head. Biting my bottom lip, my fingers hovered over the keyboard again as I started to type.
Me: Mi nah fawud a treez todeh, just a make yuh know from now
Graham: Kl, lol.
Me: B, relax. A nuh weh yuh think.
Graham: Mi nuh think nth, mi ago offline because mi have a class.
Me: Yuh really feel mi a avoid yuh?
She read the message and sent a thumbs up emoji before going offline. I hissed my teeth and swiped over to watch people's status. My brows raised a bit when a familiar name popped up on the screen and I swallowed the sudden lump in my throat.
The contact name 'Pops' lingered at the top of my screen with the two emojis next to it. My stomach churned and I tapped his status, watching it.
Pictures of his wife came up and a 'happy birthday' caption at the bottom of the screen.
I skipped through his status and there were pictures of her with their kids too. Deep down I could feel the jealousy gnawing at my insides and I went to his chat. I turned off the data and WiFi before scrolling further up into the messages.
They went back for years.
Every conversation with him was better than my parents. Maybe it was because I preferred him due to how he made me understand things better. He was never too rough or distant, but he was stern nonetheless.
I love him so much but now he probably hates me and Mommy cause it.
She fucked it up and left me to fend for myself. I didn't have anyone to vent to anymore because I disappointed him. He now thinks I'm a lost cause and he wouldn't even text me.
✰・F L A S H B A C K ・✰
ONE YEAR AGO| SEPTEMBER 13TH
My eyes focused on the game as my fingers aggressively moved over the controller. The sound of my sisters running around in the hallway- feet slapping against the tile, made me slam my room door shut.
Frigging annoying.
Just as I turned my attention back to the screen, my bedroom door opened. Mommy walked in and glared at me with her hand under her pregnant belly. I licked my lips but didn't say anything, deciding not to make eye contact.
"How much time mi fi tell yuh come off'a the game and clean yuh room?" She asked me.
I frowned as she moved to stand in front of the TV. "Mommy, mi soon do it."
"No, Liam. Right now mi wah yuh get up and go do weh mi seh! From morning yuh in yah pan the game and a tomorrow a school. Yuh affi do better than that!" She lectured.
"Mommy, mi soon dweet. A nuh like nobody a come in here," I replied.
She stepped away from the TV and picked up the dirty sheets off the ground, continuing to mumble. "Make me pass back and see yuh pan the game," She said, walking out of my room and leaving the door wide open.
I hissed my teeth and stood up, eyes on the screen once more. Just as I restarted the game, she walked back in and walked around my room to unplug everything.
"Mommy," I protested as she picked up all my electronics before unplugging the game and taking it with her as well.
"Mommy, mi a play the game eno." I stared at her and she grabbed the controller from my hands. She walked out of the room.
"Mi nah argue wid yuh eno. Mi nah argue wid nuh pitney weh mi a chat to how long now," She muttered on her way out.
"Man not even do nuth'n, yow." I sat down and glared at the blank TV.
"You don't deserve them. Go clean yuh room and nuh make me talk again, Liam," She told me.
Mi cya badda eno.
Getting up, I walked out of the room and headed down the hall to the room she shared with my father. I stood at the door, glaring at her back.
"Mommy, yuh cya take me game dem eno. Mi did seh mi ago clean the room," I told her.
"And mi seh yuh nuh deserve dem. Come outta mi room and nuh make we have nuth'n because mi nuh understand weh yuh pick up dah dutty style deh," She told him, firmly.
"Mommy, a not even you buy di game. Mi seh mi ago clean me room." The words left my mouth before I could censor them and she looked at me.
"Oh, so a dat yuh wah seh? Rèmi buy dem so a him alone can take dem?" She laughed, shaking her head.
"Mom-" I started when she interrupted me.
"Come outta me room and go clean fi yours weh look like pig sty! A hog yuh grow wid or wah, eh? Yuh nuh have shame, nasty bwoy?!" She yelled, making me look away.
I hissed my teeth lowly and stomped out of the bedroom. I walked back into my room and slammed the door shut. My eyes wandered around the room and I shook my head.
Di room not even that dutty, bredda.
Going over to the bed, I grabbed the edge of the sheet and started dragging it off the bed. Everything on the bed is scattered on the floor but I don't care.
I angrily started picking up my shoes off the ground, flinging them into the closet.
"Aye bwoy!" She pushed open my bedroom door.
I fling one foot of my school shoes and it connected with the dresser, breaking the glass.
"Likkle bwoy!" Mommy yelled, grabbing me by my shirt.
I turned and pushed her off me but the force was a bit harder than I anticipated. As she caught her balance, my sneakers tripped her causing her to fall backwards.
My eyes widened and as she fell, her hand resting on her belly. My father walked through the bedroom door after hearing the commotion.
Jesus Chris.
"Wah gwaan yasso?" He asked.
Mommy stood up with his help and he looked between her and me.
"It's fine," She assured him.
"How yuh reach a grung?" He asked her and I looked at the ground.
"I slipped in his sneakers," She told him.
"Liam, how yuh mada reach a grung?" He stared at me but I remained quiet.
"Big man, a you mi a chat to eno. How she reach a grung?!" He snapped and Mommy placed her hand on his chest.
"Kareem, relax. Mi just tell yuh-" She tried when he gently pushed her aside, going over to me.
I instinctively took a step back, swallowing the lump in my throat.
"How yuh mada reach a grung?" He asked, standing less than a few feet away.
"A accident, Daddy," I muttered and he slapped me hard in my back once with his hand.
It sting!
"Accident? Accident bruck the fucking mirror over desso too?" He slapped me again, this time I winced and tried moving away until he draped the front of my shirt.
"Kareem, why yah lick him? It was an accident." Mommy tried pulling him away.
He carefully pushed her aside once more and hauled me towards him.
"Weh she tell yuh fi do? How much time people fi chat to yuh fi yuh hear?" He slapped him again and I clenched his jaw shut, trying to stop the tears from falling.
"Who mi a chat to?!" His angry voice made us jump and I angrily wiped the tears as they rolled down my face.
"Liam, weh she tell yuh fi do?!" He jerked me once more and I flinched.
"Clean me room," I muttered, sniffling.
"And yuh sidung in yah from bomboclaat morning a play game. How much time mi pass the room and tell yuh clean it? Yah big man?" He jerked me.
My jaw clenched and I gripped the edge of my shorts. I could hear my heart racing and angrily tears ran down my face as I glared at the ground.
"Mi nuh know a who yuh feel yah go rule in yah eno, but a yuh mi. Tell her sorry," He told me.
I kept my mouth shut and he jerked me again. The tears ran down my face rapidly and he slapped me again, harder this time. My back arched and I moved away, tears running down my face.
"Who mi a chat to, Liam?!" He walked towards me and Mommy grabbed his shirt.
"Kareem, leave him." She winced and pressed her hand under the side of her belly.
My heart skipped a beat.
This caught his attention and he looked back at her, rushing to her side. She told him she was feeling pain in her side and under her belly. Shooting me a glare, he picked her up and they left the room.
I went over to my door and shut it before I started cleaning my room. The sound of my father's car engine echoed throughout the house and I didn't pay it any mind.
Just ago do dis and gah me bed.
✰・✰・✰
A couple of hours later, I walked out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around my waist. I dried myself and pulled on my underpants before my bedroom door opened.
Turning around, my eyes widened slightly and she smiled, gently closing the door. I grabbed my shorts off the bed and quickly pulled them on as she looked around my room.
"Yuh know seh yuh make yuh mother inna pain?" She leaned against the dresser, folding her arms across her chest.
"Come out a mi fucking room and stop chat to me!" I hissed my teeth, dragging on my merina.
Her brows raised and she laughed, sarcastically. "Wonder if yuh know seh mi a big woman? Who yah chat to suh?" She asked me.
Save me the fucking lecture. Mmcht.
I put on my deodorant and Axe spray. "Best yuh just come outta me room before me shub yuh out. Yuh cya gaslight me again, yer? Me'll fuck yuh up... wicked too."
We stared at each other and she straightened up before setting my phone down on the dresser. She walked out leaving the door open and I went over to my phone, picking it up.
I powered up the screen and saw a few missed calls from my Godfather. Walking over to my door, I pushed it shut and called him back. The phone rang a few times before he answered.
"Hello." I walked over to my bed, sitting down.
"Dem try anger management, therapy, gentle parenting, and every damn thing! When yuh plan fi learn and listen?" He asked.
"A yuh parents dem, yuh hear mi a tell yuh?" He continued, his tone making me freeze in my spot.
Why him a chat to me suh?
My jaw clenched as he continued, expressing how my behavior was frustrating and I refused to do better. I didn't realize the tears sliding down my face until he called my name, but I couldn't speak.
"Where is it stemming from? Why the change? How much time mi ask yuh, mi beg yuh fi talk to me?" He pressed and I clenched my fist.
"Mi never push Mommy fi spite. A she wull on pan me and mi ease her off then she slip pan the shoes," I told him.
"Pan the shoes weh deh a grung after dem ring it inna yuh ears fi clean yuh room? Then yah tell her seh she cya take weh yuh game because a nuh she buy it?" He asked me.
"Yuh not even understand." I exhaled deeply, staring down at my feet.
"Then talk to me. Help me understand because mi ask yuh all the time and yuh repeat the same thing over and over. Things that are not relevant," He said to me.
I scratched my forehead, pacing my room. When I opened my mouth, nothing came out for a while so I chose another approach.
I lied because it was easier.
"Mi feel like dem pay more attention to making babies than giving me attention. Dem a di one who nuh pay attention when mi seh nuth'n," I explained, despite it not being entirely true.
He fell quiet before saying, "Yuh tell me that already and you same one seh it a get better. Mi wah know what trigger yuh anger issues and a now mi wah yuh talk."
I went quiet again, not knowing what to say.
Eventually, he got tired of the silence and said, "Yuh mother believe a me make yuh stay how yuh stay, so as of now mi nuh want she a call me fi complain 'bout weh yah do. Mi try wid yuh, but yuh already have yuh own way. Until yuh can talk to me straight and make me know wah a gwaan wid yuh, mi nuh wah hear nuth'n more from yuh."
I gripped the phone tighter, tears running down my face. "Cool, but yuh nuh much different from dem inna dah department deh, yuh nuh see? But it's whatever, yuh get yuh wish. Mi won't call yuh back."
I hung up and flung the phone into the wall. Falling before my bed, I released strained sobs into the mattress and screamed. I stayed there for a while before getting up and walking over to the dresser, knocking everything off.
"Fuck dis!" I hissed my teeth before looking at my reflection in the cracked mirror.
✰・END OF FLASHBACK ・✰

The Next Morning | November 20th
I sat at the kitchen table, staring blankly at the plate of french toast and scrambled eggs in front of me. Mommy had made breakfast, but I didn't have an appetite. My mind was still reeling from the events of the previous day.
Mommy, noticing my silence, tried to initiate a conversation. "Liam, we need to talk about what happened yesterday. Why did you get into a fight again?"
Same ol' same ol'.
Fuckery weh mi nuh wah answer.
But I didn't respond. Instead, I tuned her out and continued the conversation I was having with myself in my head.
What's the point of even talking about it? She's just going to lecture me and tell me how disappointed she is. Like, what's new?
Mi tired fi hear it and quite frankly, mi stop care. Not even have no excuse, mi just nuh care.
Does she even care?
Do you think anyone cares?
Not wanting to be a part of the conversation, I forced myself to eat the breakfast. I took a bite of my toast, chewing slowly as I continued my internal monologue.
Chat to myself like mi mad.
I'm sick of always being the one who gets blamed. I'm sick of being the unruly son that's out of control. Why can't they just listen to me for once?
Well, more like why dem never listen to me?
But no, last year dem fuck up and take everything from me.
Dem not even understand, bredda. Mommy might seh mi overreact but mi nuh care. Everybody really just a get to me head.
Once I was done with the food, I bathed myself and got dressed. Unplugging my phone, I slid it into my pocket and took the money from my drawer.
Counting it out, I slid it into my wallet and put it in my front pocket. I put on some cologne, making sure my locs were neatly pulled back from my face, showing off my neat line-up.
While my mother was distracted by my siblings, I went through the back door and jumped the back wall, landing on my feet. I pulled up my jeans to my waist and cut through the neighbor back yard to go onto the main road.
Fanning down a Probox taxi, it stopped and I got into the backseat. When it drove off, I checked the time on my phone and sighed, hoping to reach Half Way Tree before 7:30.
When the taxi arrived, I paid my fare and got out of the car. Taking out my phone, I rang the last number I called as I made my way inside the terminus. The phone rang a few times before the line opened.
"What, Liam?" She answered.
"Yuh gone a school a'ready?" I leaned against the wall.
"No, mi a wait pan Makeda inna the park. Weh yuh want?" The attitude was evident in her voice.
"Mi deh a di front a the terminus. Fawud likkle bit." I looked around and spotted her where the Spanish Town JUTC bus let off.
She turned around and I removed the phone from my ears, nodding for her to come over. Unfolding her arms, she made her way over to me. I watched her closely, a small smile on my face, and ended the call.
"Doh skin yuh teeth wid me. Why yuh naave on nuh uniform?" She glared at me.
"Mi get kick yesterday." I pulled her close and she pushed my hand away.
"Yuh already did speak it into existence. Weh yah go do until then?" She asked me.
I pulled up the sleeve of my shirt, displaying the tattoo on my upper arm. "Ago make Wiz finish the rest a dis and then mi go home. Naave nuth'n else fi do."
"Yuh parents did already cuss yuh when yuh do the first tattoo. When yah go start listen and stop make things difficult?" She rolled her eyes.
"Mi nuh know." I don't fi real.
Mi stubborn like mule and mi nuh know weh mi get it from.
I smiled, wrapping my arm around her neck. Turning around, I pressed her back against the wall and pecked her lips. She tried turning her face away when I gripped her chin.
"Yah idiot? Supposed me mother or me father see? Plus a me uniform me inna and dem probably think yah big man." She frowned and I brushed my thumb against her chin.
"Mi nuh know if yah go see me back after today so make the most of it," I told her.
"Yah go back up a yuh uncle?" She asked, her brows furrowed.
"No, but mi stab the yute so mi nuh know the outcome. Never did a listen inna the meeting but mi sure dem ago report me," I replied, truthfully.
"Dem probably ago send yuh counseling again. Yuh just affi listen this time," She said, hopefully.
I don't say anything. I just stared at her face, watching her lick her lips.
Mi nuh know, but mi obsessed wid her. Everything 'bout her, too.
Her smile, her face, her voice, her hair, her lips, her teeth, braces, hands, eyes... Just everything.
Guess it's safe to say she has been my constant through everything. She wasn't judgmental nor did she care about the fights or the fact that I have severe anger issues. In the back of her mind, I'm sure she was convinced we were 'besties' until a couple of days ago.
Mi nuh wah be no bestie.
Mi nuh trust it... Proved that too.
But I guess aside from that, we had an understanding. No pushing and prying unless I say so. She respected that and I am happy because there are some uncomfortable topics I don't want to touch on.
Wish mi nah fi touch pan dem at all.
"Liam...what if a Juvie dem send yuh this time?" Her voice low as she looked up at me.
I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know."
Cya undo the inevitable but mi have a feel a deh mi ago end up.
She went on her tiptoes and kissed me. I brushed her hair from her face and she sucked on my bottom lip. Leaning down, I deepened the kiss and she sighed, cupping my face. We pulled away shortly after and her cheeks flushed.
She a di only girl mi ever kiss... Or make touch me.
We nuh deh or nuth'n like dat, but she's mine. Right now mi naave enough sense fi inna relationship.
Nor patience. Or selflessness.
From what I've seen with others, it take more than weh me have fi offer right now. Mi naave much.
Just a lot of fucked up issues, hatred, trauma, ignorance..., but oh well.
Best fi just keep it casual, but at the end'a di day, she's still mine.
"Smile make me see yuh braces dem," I said and she laughed on cue, hiding her face with the rag.
"Mi nuh wah smile." She shook her head and I pulled the rag from her face.
"Mi wah see the color dem. Coming like dem change," I said.
She parted her lips, pushing up her top lip to show me her braces. Bright pink and they matched her light skin and her dimpled smile.
"Wah make yuh take out the black?" I asked her.
She moved her hand from her mouth. "When mi go fix the part weh did break due to the lollipop accident, my dentist asked if I wanted to keep the color. Mommy seh mi can change it if mi want so mi change it."
"Smile still pretty as ever." I smiled and she rolled her eyes, blushing.
I hugged her once more, kissing her cheek and she held me too. My eyes caught the chain around her neck and I laughed.
"Yuh nuh plan fi drop yuh Sofia the first obsession?" I teased.
"No, Paw Patrol." She laughed.
"Know long mi nuh watch that." I smiled, leaning away to see her face.
"Yah real-life princess, man. Nah fi pretend," I said, brushing my finger under her chin.
Mi nah cap when mi seh dat.
She a princess fi real. Royalty.
She folded her lips to stop herself from smiling but failed, miserably. "Okay, Avatar. My Jake Sully."
She blushed, laughing as she stared at me.
Know she a fool? Tsk tsk tsk tsk.
"Princess and Avatar combo? Dem man deh a 'bout 10 feet inna di air eno." I laughed and she smiled.
"Well, me small and yuh big. That explains it," She said.
Yeah, she likkle fi true. She get everything from her father except the height.
D'ven reach 5 feet to bombados.
I kissed her again, a little longer this time. Mi nuh feel like mi ago see her again fi a long while. That make me kinda 'fraid and mi nuh know how fi explain it.
This Pops talk 'bout when him seh mi must think before mi act because when I'm too quick to retaliate, I make foolish decisions.
Mi nuh regret seh mi stab Roshae, just regret seh mi get ketch.
And now mi nuh know how me feel because the possibility of seeing Graham after today paper thin.
Her tongue moved to slide between my lips and I chuckled, pressing my forehead against hers. I didn't stop, allowing her to do as she pleases and I followed her lead. She tipped higher and made a little sound and I felt the excitement move further down.
Into my pants.
Wrap up time yah now.
Mi love Graham, yuh fuck. Mi cya help it. From Grade 1 'til now...
The sound of a bus horn made me pull back from the kiss. I turned around and a Spanish Town JUTC bus turned into the terminus. I pulled away from her and she smiled, bashfully.
"Text me yer," She said.
I nodded and she hugged me before walking off. "Maybe mi video call yuh later if anything."
She nodded, glancing back at me. "Bye, Sully." She laughed and I shook my head, smiling.
She fool like.
I stayed in my spot until her friend got off the bus and made sure my 'excitement' was under control. She looked in my direction and laughed before they held hands, walking away. I left the terminus, heading to Wiz Tattoo Shop.
Mi did tell him mi a fawud.
✰・✰・✰
LATER THAT DAY | 5:30 P.M.
"Wait 'till yuh father see it! Liam, stick bruck inna yuh ears or wah?!" My mother, already raising her blood pressure.
She a freak out 'bout the tattoo, but she need fi relax because mi nuh think it that deep.
I expected it, except dis worse than the first time. And dem blow a fucking fuse when mi start high school and tell dem mi nah cut me locs.
Oh fucking well.
"Yuh spiteful eno!" She continued.
I am aware, sometimes it's on purpose, other times it's a reflex.
Mi nuh know weh me get it from but mi very dry yiy too.
I snorted at the thought and she glared at me. "Which part yuh get money fi do dat?" She asked me.
"Not fi uno own so relax," I told her, calmly.
"Relax? Yah hear yuh frigging self, likkle bwoy?" She stared in disbelief.
Well, if we're being fair... I only got a tattoo, though.
Another tattoo yuh mean...
In my defense, at my age, they were making babies.
See me yah to bloodclaat!
But dem won't see it dah way deh, eno. And it's not the end a di fucking world.
Just relax.
"Mama!" Reign walked up to her, tapping her leg.
He's one year old, born the same night after I accidentally pushed her and she fell. The thought of him almost not making it still made me guilty since Auntie Kristen told me that she had complications.
Even though the complications were due to her having babies so close to each other, Reign wasn't a sure baby up until the third trimester. She was eight and a half months pregnant when she gave birth to him.
Imagine, I would've been at fault if my brother died.
The thought made my stomach churn and my body flooded with guilt. I am already punishing myself enough for that and playing with him felt more so of an obligation due to my guilt.
Mi nuh know, yah. Either way, mi love him bad.
My mother picked him up and held him on her hip before looking at me again. "Mi done chat to yuh eno. Anything yuh wah do from now on, dweet! Mi stop waste my breath!"
Mi know, I'm a lost cause.
She walked off and I licked my lips, turning around on the stool. I picked up my fork, finishing the food I bought on my way back.
Graham call me likkle before the tattoo done and tell me fi wait pan her a Treez only fi scam me and take me money buy KFC and pizza.
We vibe likkle bit after her friend dem cut and then she affi cut because she did see her mother.
"Mi can get piece?" Kaira asked, leaning against the counter.
She's 9 and my parents' third child.
"Yuh never eat lunch a school? How yuh love beg so?" I looked at her.
She pouted and sighed, deeply. "Please? I just want a little piece," She muttered, eyes all pleading and shit.
Know me parents dem nuh produce nuh ugly pitney? Nuh leprechaun or gorilla gene 'round here.
Mi likkle sister dem a di cutest likkle pitney mi ever see. Dem still annoying and mi nuh really like dem, but mi love dem.
Kaira just smiled with her frizzy hair and I picked up the chicken leg from the box with the fries, sliding the box with the piece of chicken breast to her. She thanked me and grabbed the box, running off.
Love dem belly essi.
Soo' poison.
Getting up from the stool, I went to the living room where my mother was with Reign. I gave him the chicken leg and set the fries down on the coffee table in his reach.
"Thank you," I said and he just brought the chicken to his mouth.
"Nah seh thanks?" I smiled, watching him take a bite with his face frowned up.
As he stood there devouring the food, I left him and went back to the kitchen. I sat down on the stool and shortly after, Leigh-Anna ran into the kitchen. She was chewing so I assumed Kaira gave her a piece of the chicken.
She took a soda from the fridge, trying to open the juice. "Pull dis, please."
I took the bottle and uncorked it, the seal snapping with a sharp hiss. Handing it to her, I wiped off my hands with the KFC napkin as she walked away. Moving to the cupboard, I took a can of hot and spicy Grace tin sausage from the fridge.
I picked up a fork and opened the sausage, drained it before taking a seat. Using the fork, I took one from the tin and sat back down on the stool. It didn't take long for me to finish them and I dropped the can in the bin near me and tossed the fork into the sink.
Belly feel full yah now.
Reaching for my phone, I turned on the Wi-Fi and immediately WhatsApp messages came in rapidly. I scrolled passed all of them and went to Graham's chat.
She sent pictures of her eating and I snorted, shaking my head. I tapped the video call icon and it only rang twice before she answered. My brows furrowed as she folded the pizza, taking a bite.
The first thing I said was, "That nuh ladylike at all, Princess," and she laughed.
Swallowing after a little while, she said in a sweet voice, "Thank you for funding my big back activities."
Hear yah to nuh.
"Me and food go together real good." She took a bite out of the piece of barbeque chicken.
"Hmm, mi just did a call fi check yuh still. Yah send me one bagga picture when yah stuff yuh big face fah?" I asked.
She shrugged, "Because I can. Mi a consider if mi wah go buy ice cream later but mi tired. Plus mi nuh wah see me granny."
Mi know a her father mother she a talk. She love Lauren too much fi a talk 'bout she.
"She still a tell yuh 'bout such girl?" I asked.
She nodded, sipping the juice. "She a be really weird and mi uncomfortable. Like my mother is the woman who raised me from mi a 3 years old, not the woman weh push me out and sign over her parental rights just because mi father never want her."
She rolled her eyes and continued, "Mi can see seh it make Mommy feel a way too because she bring it up one time when mi go with Mommy because she did a do Auntie Kaysia hair."
"Thankfully, dem tell me from long time because she literally did a try make it seem like some family secret. Mommy did just leave after she done and mi go weh too. From that, every time mi go look fi her, she wah tell me how mi must get fi know me sister and brother." She glared at the phone screen and hissed her teeth.
"My sister and brother a the pitney dem weh my mother and father have. Lanai is not my mother, because she never want me. She have a child two years younger than me but oh, she never ready fi baby?" Graham scoffed, rolling her eyes before she stuffed more fries into her mouth.
"Yuh nuh wah know yuh half-siblings them though?" I pressed my palm against my face.
"Saniyah seems okay, but dem nuh understand on my end. And mi nuh like the idea of getting to know them because mi nuh wah hurt me parents feelings. Especially since dem mother would'a only want me fi come a dem yard. Mi a nuh fool and I will never hurt my mother like that," She replied.
"How yuh feel 'bout Lanai though? The fact seh she sign over parental rights?" I asked.
She shrugged, putting fries on the pizza before taking a bite. "Just angry," She said, while chewing.
"Angry seh she give yuh to yuh father with no intention of reconciliation?" I sighed, licking my lips.
"Nooooo, Sully!" She shook her head and laughed. "Mi angry because she a try mash up me family and it nah go work. When it comes to what she did, I feel nothing."
She moved her hair from her face, drinking the juice again. "I think it was the best thing she could've done for me. Yuh nuh understand how it feels knowing that my Mom chose to love me and adopt me after she and Daddy get married."
"Mi never tell nobody this before..." She trailed off, looking away from the screen.
"Daddy and Mommy used to deh inna high school. Him cheat with Lanai which is how I ended up here and they broke up for a couple years. After, she get back wid him and shit now here we are. To me, it takes so damn much to do that," She said.
"Because mi nuh feel mi that strong fi look pan the pitney weh my man have when him cheat pan me. Like fi di rest a my life? Absolutely not, but I am happy she could because I love her so much. Mi feel like she love me more than how Daddy love me but in the most heartwarming way possible." She smiled, her braces and dimples on display. I nodded.
I hummed and just as I was starting to get lost in my thoughts, I heard a knock on the front grill. Leaning back onto the stool, I saw my mother getting up to answer it, and I assumed it was probably just a neighbor or a delivery person.
Mi naave nobody a come here so mi nah pay dat nuh mind.
"A wah?" Graham asked me.
"Somebody deh outta the gate," I replied.
"Yah go finish school online or yah go HEART?" She asked.
"I don't know. A me parents ago decide. Dem probably disown me." I smiled, even though it wasn't amusing.
I don't think they would but I wouldn't be surprised if they do.
I heard my mother's voice, laced with concern. "Can I help you, officers?"
Officers?
"Mi soon call yuh back, yer." I stood up, looking at the screen.
"Why, weh yah go?" She frowned.
"Police outside," I told her.
Concern flooded across her face before she nodded. "If mi get lock up fi true, mi love yuh, yer?" I looked at her.
"Don't seh that. It nah go be long because a just one stab like yuh seh." She stared at me.
"This isn't my first offense, Graham. Yuh know too," I said and she licked her lips.
"Well, um I love you too and just listen to them. It'll be a few months or yuh parents can just bail yuh out," She muttered, hopefully.
My heart skipped a beat as I turned to see two police officers standing in our doorway. One of them was holding a piece of paper, and the other had his hand resting on his gun holster. Not reaching but his hand was there.
"Princess, we'll talk." I hang up the call and set my phone down.
"Liam, can you please come here for a minute?" One of the officers asked, his voice firm but polite.
I felt a surge of adrenaline as I slowly got up from the stool. My mother's eyes were wide with worry, and my little brother, who had been playing quietly in the living room, stared as he clung to her leg.
She held her phone in her hand and she looked at me, her eyes filled with tears.
See, dem come fi lock me up. Mi know man.
As I walked towards the officers, I could feel my mother's eyes on me, pleading with me to cooperate. But I didn't know what was going on, and I was scared for the first time in a while.
Mi can admit that.
The officer holding the paper handed it to Mommy. "Ma'am, this is a warrant for Liam's arrest. We need to take him in for questioning."
My mom's face went pale as she read the paper. "What's going on? What did he do?"
Stab Roshae...
The officer's expression was sympathetic, but firm. "I'm afraid Liam is being charged with multiple assault and possession of a weapon. We need to take him down to the station and book him."
As the officer handcuffed me and read me my rights, I felt like I was in a nightmare. I was only 15, but that doesn't matter.
My mother was crying now, and my little brother was wailing in the background. I felt a pang of guilt and worry, knowing that I was about to leave them behind.
My fault fi real.
As the officers led me out of the house, I caught a glimpse of my mother's desperate face. "Liam, I love you. We'll get through this, okay?"
But I didn't respond. I just looked away, feeling numb and my mind flashed back to how I ended up here. Chase ran to the front of the yard and started barking before Mommy calmed him down. My heart filled with regret and mind raced with questions as the police car door closed behind me.
When I was seated into the back of the patrol car, I could see my neighbors minding my business for me. Leaning back, I sighed and one of the officers was talking to Mommy.
This is the reality now.
I wasn't stupid and I know what I did, but now I am starting to feel like every time I defend myself I get in trouble.
I closed my eyes, a familiar memory resurfacing.
We were seated across from the sea, cool breeze brushing against my skin as I threw another stone. My mind was at ease and right now, I didn't feel angry. I just wanted to talk how I feel without feeling exposed and looking weak.
I hate looking weak.
"Can't solve problems with your fist and a knife all the time, Lee." He looked at me and I glanced down at my feet.
"But, I can't solve them with my hands glued to my side either," I said.
"True, but sometimes we need to take a step back. See things further away, sometimes from a different perspective," He told me.
"Well, mi nuh trouble dem eno. Dem always a trouble me and mi walk weh like weh yuh seh. It never work," I muttered.
"Yuh wah change schools? Mi can talk to yuh father and him change yuh," He suggested.
I shook my head. "No, mi good."
"So, yuh promise you'll show up and listen to the counselor?" He asked me.
"Yeah." I sighed.
He placed his hand on my shoulder, rubbing it and I looked at him. I moved closer to him, hugging him tight, and exhaled, deeply. His hold was firm and then he laughed, making me pull away.
"Wah?" I furrowed my brows.
"Coolie Ras. Coolie bwoy wid locs man." He flicked my hair and I laughed.
"Mommy nuh like di locs," I told him.
"It fit yuh, man nuh pay her nuh mind." He sighed and I nodded.
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🎀TWISTED DEVOTION🎀








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