FEARING DREAMS

I am writing this for whoever may find this, in a desolate place like this, I would like to ask you to escape from your destiny and hide, from the world, from responsibilities, from acceptance and from fear, as you ,like everyother soul on earth ,are pretending to be happy trapped under the lie of life which you think to be full of happiness and adventure, which you show by coming here.

For after you read further you will never trust even your own self in the forthcoming span of time.

CHAPTER-1.

FEARS UNVEIL

ACT-1

CRIMSON MEMORIES

War had engulfed the world in its dark cloak and I was one of its bearer. We were sent on the front leaving all we had dear behind to kill fellow humans ,where both us and our nemesis were there to protect the border in the pretence of serving you country where both are just some words made by people to have a sense of ownership rather than respect.

It was deary, rainy night and i could listen the screams of fellow comrades and the heavy gunfire. Amidst the chaos of the battlefield a young lad came crawling to the gates of the hideout i was guarding. His uniform told me he was not one of us. He asked for shelter and wanted to be spared so he could reunite with his world, beyond this arena of suffering, which he was forced to leave behind. But these days of war had taken away any compassion I had and I shot him. And saw him wither in pain and curl up in death.

The days and nights that followed were brutally disorienting. His helpless and hopeful face, before his death always found its way in my dreams and I could not sleep.

Then one night I decided, after witnessing enough suffering and enough funeral pyres, for the war and the lurking of the serpent of suffering had taken every bit of life from me, I decided i would run away, tomorrow, in the dead of the menacing night waiting for the sun to rise to witness the continuation of the bloodbath,and return to the place I called home under the desperate illusion that it would give me the lie of life back.

ACT-2

INANE HOPE

After returning from the post, all cold and tired,I went to my camp, grabbed my little things and whatever mere pittance I had, put on my waterproof and started to wait, in the humid night among the sounds of the wild. I found a chance, when the posted guard wnet awayafter his shift and other was coming to take over and slipped through the gate.

I walked as i was too wore out to run and thought about the illusion waiting for me. I found a desolate railroad and there I waited surrounded by my thoughts of the present, the guilt from the past, and the desperate hope of the future.

A frieght came thundering down the line,its roar slowly dying and it stopped in front of me I thought finally i was free from the final thin threads of the sufferings which had followed me through my escape.

I leapt in the empty open carriage.

I tried to take a nap but could not. Something which I can not name was holding me back.

I just sat there with my back on the wall listenting the jangling of the train and the patter of the melancholy rain when blessfull rays of the glazing sun started rising and dawn started to break.

I got off at the capital and headed for the bus stand from where i could get a ride home and finally find some peace in this cruel world.

I boarded a bus and sat at a window seat watching the thundering rain blessing the soil and the daily rustle of the illusioned world.

But somewhere in my mind i had a dark, ominous feeling that home would not be as I was expecting it to be.

ACT-3

BEREAVEMENT

When i reached the front steps, a dark feeling of some misfortune struck cold to my heart. A smell of someone long gone was lingering all around.

I went to the living room and the candle of hope inside me burnt out. There was my daughter lying lifeless on the couch, her body half decayed, and her throught half slit, lying in a pool of dried blood.

She was long gone.

I was used to rough work but that made me fairly sick.

Then I went upstairs, noticing some narcotics and syringes and there in the bedroom ,saw my wife hanging from the roof and that was the point I lost my soul, my hope, my trust on this age of man, everything . There was note in her gown which i took out and read and it told me what kind of world this is and what kind of a father and what kind of a husband I was in her eyes.

I took her down and put her and our doughter together in a trash bag and waited for the evil night to come. I put the bag in the trunk and drove for the woods to dispose of my family and my humanity.

Then i returned, just a figure of flesh and bone and lay there on the floor, my eyes not giving me the tears I wanted, and my body not accepting the rest I needed. I took out the cans out of the fridge ans started drinking, with the sheer stupidity that it will take away my pain and help me in my slumber. I do not know how down I was before my eyes shut.