I think we should break up

Baby…

I think we should break up

What do you think?

Everything’s off between us.

Those were his exact words on the August 25, 2026. 4:24am. And what did I feel?.... absolutely nothing. I mean, my heartrate elevated a bit, like I couldn’t believe what I just saw, wasn’t it meant to just be a good morning text, what was this all of a sudden?? But that was all… literally.

To the one guy I actually really loved. I mean, I can't blame him, I wasn’t the best girlfriend in any way, a lot of traumas to keep any healthy relationships going but I just don’t know. He was my longest, he was the one I was willing to spend years with, but trauma, stupid trauma and their stuipid responses, or maybe its just me that just can't handle relationships, maybe I was just not built for any relationship cause I always have a way of ruinig every single one and breaking every single persons own for no reason at all. I keep questioning myself, why am I like this, why do I act like this, why do I look like this, why am I this, why do I exist.

I stared at the message for at least an hour straight, typing and deleting, and typing and deleting, and typing and deleting cause I honestly didn’t know what to say. Should I beg??. I promised myself I'd never beg a man like my mom or sis, but theirs were abusive, mine wasn’t , he was sweet, nice, caring, funny, a total green flag.should I just accept this breakup? I didn’t know if I could, I just didn’t know.

Baby

He literally still called me baby. He did tell me he still loved me, but love isn’t enough, and that was true, love isn’t enough in a relationship, there has to be communication, connection understanding, trust.. but the connection and communication were strange words to me, completely strange.

I think we should break up

Doesn't really mean he wants to right?. He's still thinking. If I give the right answer, he might change his mind, if I don’t, he might pull through with this.

What do you think?

What do I think when I wake around 5am only to see a message about break up? I think this is a joke, some kind of test to see if I actually love him, I think this is absurd, I'm tired of myself, I think I'm the worse person in the world cause I've gotten a lot of good people in this cruel world and I just play with their feelings and I abandon them, I'm tired of being a burden, I'm tired of tying him down, but I don’t want him to go, I don’t know how to just let him leave, but I don’t know how to change to make him stay

Everything is off between us

Everything truly has been off and it just dials back down to me and I just try to cover it up as normal but I know, I know deep down there has been nothing normal in this relationship, absolutely nothing, and ive just been living a life full of pretence and forced happiness.

Im so tired of this, why did I even start texting him in the first place, why the hell did he reply back , what the fuck was I thicking when I asked him to meet, why why why hwy .. just why…

I couldn’t think of anything reseanable to say or do. I just said the obvious, I just told him that I knew I wasn’t the best, hell, I wasn’t even close to the best, even halfway close, but I told him, and I still told I'm too selfish, to let everything end, to let him just go, to let him move forward, to let him find someone better, to let him see someone else that will actually give him what he wanted, I wanted him all to myself, just mine….

But that’s just a silly fairy tale dream that is bull shit.

We talked a little bit longer, not long, and I just thought I should make it easier for him, well, not really easier, but I just told him, if he wanted to end everything, then let him just end it, it wasn’t me that was going to do it, no, not at all, so I told him. It took a long while….. but he replied…

No, lets wait a little bit longer.

Funny right? I found it funny too, I literally thought I still had a chance, I was literally filled with relief, I literally let out a sigh of relief like in all those books, I didn’t know those were real, I kept my phone, looked up and just closed my eyes for some time. after wiping off a stray tear I didn’t know already fell, I picked up my phone again to reply…. And that’s when it my heart skipped. I didn’t see the one line message I saw , I didn’t see the little message of hope. Rather, I saw an edited message, AN EDITED MESSAGE. That was 5 lines long, explaining how he can't really go on any more and he doesn’t see this moving further, I stared at it, speechless, completely blank, cause at the end of the message, he wrote.. we should just break up. Like yeah, we should just break up, why not, it wasn’t going anywhere, it was going to end sonner or later, it was going to end, why did I think it was ever going to last with the way I was , with the way I didn’t even know how to change, with the way that deep down, I wasn’t actually willing to change when I think about it

I mean ive thought about it a lot, ive always said im trying, I tried ill try, but did I actually try, did I actually put as much effort as he did, I highly doubt.. doubt… I didn’t try… at all.

I told myself, Its fine, I don’t feel anything, I typed a simple response,

I understand… its okay

There, plain and simple, easy peasy, it was so easy typing it, so fucking easy, but why did my hand shake so much when it was time to hit the send, why did so much tears fall out of my eyes, why couldn’t I breathe anymore, why did the whole world fade to that moment like it was a life or death situation, why did my chest hurt so much it felt like it was bleeding, it just hurt, every single thing hurt. I didn’t hit send till like 2 hours later.

My mom always told me, never let a man make you cry, 2hrs out of 24hrs is not much right, hope she didn’t see me from up there, she'd have been really disappointed.

I went offline, disconnected from the world as always, of course, my trauma response, wiped my tears, freshened up real good, and just…. Lived.