Start
Many times in our life, we hate certain things that are going on in our life, and somehow life gives us just what we want at that time. For Avinash, it was that girl in a light pink dress and an even lighter-colored veil around her, a dead phone in hand and a power bank which looked dead too from her expression. Have you ever felt a morning sun on a winter Sunday morning? It was just like that to Avinash.
Let’s start with how Avinash, a lazy engineer, ended up here. For that, we need to go back two days, to Friday, 5 PM.
“Avinash, try to understand. We need you to lead our team over there.”
It was Ragav, his best friend and one of the founders of “Tech in Toe’s,” the company where Avinash works.
“You know I don’t have a bike or car to go there. If I travel by bus, I would have to change two buses, and I can’t have one because—”
“Because you will be moving to London very soon when your brother starts his company, I know,” Ragav interrupted Avinash in mid-conversation.
“I promise I will try to bring you back here, but you have to understand my position too. I want something good over there.”
Avinash had to accept it because he knew how many times Ragav had helped him.
“Okay, but only two months.”
“Three.”
“Done.”
They both agreed, but still Avinash was not happy about changing buses in Bangalore. No one likes it.
Then during the weekend, he had his normal routine: walking his love, Minky, a beautiful white dog with black spots, then gaming with friends, going to church on Sunday with Grandma, and spending the rest of the time smoking and riding his bike with his friends. A normal, peaceful life.
MONDAY
He got up, had a bath, and then, when he was ready to go, he heard his mother calling him.
“Avin.”
That’s how she referred to him, a nickname.
“Yes, Ma.”
“Alvin is on call. You want to talk to him?”
“No, he is enjoying there, and I had to change buses for a simple job.”
His mother smiled and said,
“He wants to talk to you about the same thing.”
He was shocked but took the call.
“Yes?”
It was a very dry—
“Avinash, I am calling you from yesterday. Why won’t you pick my calls?”
Avinash had mixed feelings. He couldn’t say that he was mad at him because he had gone to London and Avinash had to do a shitty job over here.
“My phone had some problem. Sorry.”
“It’s okay. Now hear me out. I got the investors here, and we are starting. I want you here by next month, okay?”
Avinash was shocked. His dream—working in London, and that too for his own company.
“I will call you later. I am busy right now.”
“Okay, I will be waiting for the details.”
“Okay, bye.”
He was happy. He thought the day couldn’t get better.
Then he got on the bus. It was a normal, busy bus: bus load, conductor, same as always. Then his stop arrived, from where he had to change the bus.
He got out and was waiting for the bus when he saw her: whitish-pink, semi-healed sandals with blue jeans and a baby-pink-colored kurta top, and she had a veil too.
She looked distressed, and Avinash could point out the reason too. It was her dead phone. Maybe she wanted to call someone.
Then it happened.
The brownish-gold eyes fell on him. She walked to him and said,
“Hi, can you help me?”
Avinash was stunned. He didn’t know why his heart was beating so fast.
“Yeah, what do you want?”
“My phone is dead. Can you please let me use your phone? I wanna make a call.”
It was a very normal request that anyone could see coming. He handed her his phone. She made a call and started talking.
“Priya, Jasmin here. Yeah, my phone is dead.”
She was talking to the other person on the phone, and he was looking at her like a baby watching the sea for the first time.
He never got into a relationship because he had his priorities straight. He wanted to go to London and live there, his dream, and he believed love could tamper with this, so he never had one.
She was done and handed his phone back to him. She saw the company ID card strip in his pocket and said,
“You work in Tech in Toe’s?”
“Yeah,” he replied.
“Me too,” she said with an excited expression. “Are you new over there?”
“No, I was transferred.”
“Ohh,” she reacted, and something in him bubbled up.
They had some small talks, and then the bus arrived. They got on it, and when they reached the office building, she said,
“Okay, bye. Since we work in the same place, I will see you around.”
He smiled. It was a wonderful day.
He was happy. Later that day, he saw her again in the canteen. She was with her friends having lunch. She gave a small wave to him, and he accepted it with a smile.
The whole day, he was thinking about her. Could he meet her again while heading back home? And about the thing his brother told him in the morning.
While he was waiting for the bus to head back home, she came to the bus stop.
They smiled at each other, and she started the conversation.
“How was your first day?”
“Good. Nothing special. Just getting to know the place and environment.”
She laughed.
“By the way, my name is Jasmin.” She offered her hand for a handshake.
“Avinash.” He shook her hand and offered his name.
Then they were talking about other stuff and about the office and stuff. It continued during the bus travel too. He understood that she talked a lot. Then the stop arrived. They got down. From here, Avinash had to take another bus, and Jasmin would be leaving.
They said their goodbyes, and she left.
All the way home, he was thinking about her. She had a happy, cheerful vibe.
When he arrived home, the first thing that happened to him was hugging that girl—Minky.
Then he saw his mother watching a daily soap. He greeted her and went to his room to freshen up. Then, while he was having some snacks, his friend called him.
It was their daily routine of going to the tea shop near the police station, smoking, drinking tea, and laughing. It was the same as every day.
During dinner, his brother called him. They were discussing the startup in London, and he was happy and excited.
TUESDAY
As usual, he got up and did his daily routine, then got to the bus stand. Somewhere in his heart, he was eager to see her. The feelings were not processing completely.
Then he reached the bus stop where he changed the bus. There she was, standing and talking or negotiating with a flower vendor. The white flowers which women in India wore in their hair.
He stood at a distance. She didn’t know he was there. He was overhearing the conversation.
“I have only 30 rupees.”
“No, ma’am. I can’t sell for that much. I will be in loss. One bam costs me 40. How can I give you for 30 rupees?”
(A bam is the measurement taken for selling a string of flowers. It measures from the fingers to the elbow.)
“Ahhh, and you are telling me you don’t have UPI too?”
She was looking disappointed.
Then Avinash offered 50 rupees to the vendor and took the flower string. She kept refusing to take it, as she knew he was buying it for himself.
Then Avinash offered it to her.
She took it.
“I will send you the money to UPI.”
He refused, telling her it was okay. He wanted to tell her that it was a gift, but he wouldn’t.
Then she said,
“I will give you the money back.”
And they laughed it off.
Then they talked during the bus travel.
The whole day, he saw her and the flower string in her hair.
Then, while heading back, she was again with him. It felt peaceful, like he wanted this road wouldn’t end.
She kept on talking, and he kept on listening about her neighbour’s cat, who died after eating a lot of food, and then telling him, “At least the cat lived to its fullest.”
Then she told him about some gossip from the office and asked some questions about him.
It was like she had everything to talk to him about, and he had all the time in the world to hear her.
But the stop arrived, and she was smiling until the end. They said their goodbyes.
Avinash felt like he was lightweight. He smiled all the way home.
Have you ever felt like days flew away when you are the happiest person? The same happened to Avinash.
The days passed. Every day was the same. He and Jasmin talked, laughed, and shared things.
And on Friday, in the last one week, he felt like he had achieved everything in his life.
He had his dream of going to London, and this girl whom he met last Monday. He wanted to ask her out, but he was not sure how she felt.
He was a good-looking guy too, that’s what people told him, and he was never a very socially open person, so he never had a girlfriend. He too was not so into that thing. After his father died, he unknowingly changed himself.
But today, on Friday, he was ready to ask the first love of his life to go on a date with him.
He got up very early in the morning and did some workout just to get pumped up. Then he spent an hour searching for the shirt that he bought last month and looked good with his jeans.
Then he took his best perfumes and selected the best one.
His heart was running on a rampage whenever he thought about how he was going to tell her that he liked her. And just in one week?
Now he was in brain spaghetti, thinking, “What if she says we don’t know each other that long?” Or, “What if I have a boyfriend?”
“What if I didn’t ask her if she has a boyfriend or not? Or if she is seeing someone?”
The spaghetti kept getting cold and dense.
Then he thought, what if he first gets to know whether she has a boyfriend or not while talking to her? Then, if she doesn’t, that plan is on. The “or” was tough.
Then he got the same hype and continued everything he was doing.
He was ready to head out.
“Amma, I am leaving.”
“What about breakfast?”
“I am not hungry.”
And he was not, due to excitement.
The way to the first stop where he would meet Jasmin was spent in overthinking.
The stop arrived. As he got down, he felt the air was not moving. The people were talking and walking in slow motion.
And he saw her.
She wore an ivory suit with tiny lavender flowers on it. It looked like someone had painted a garden onto silk but forgot to make the colors any darker.
Her dupatta rested on her shoulders. The dupatta fell beside her like a veil in a breeze.
The way the fabric moved with her felt very delicate. The fabric was quiet, graceful, and so soft.
Then time moved, and she saw Avinash looking at her. She waved at him, then he walked to her.
“Good morning.”
“Very good morning,” she replied.
He wanted to ask if there was anything special about why she was looking so elegant, but then thought he shouldn’t.
Then the bus arrived, and they got on, and the bus moved.
Unlike every day, she was not talking much, just replying to what he asked. Then she started asking about his family, about his mother, then his brother. Then she asked if he was married.
“No. Why would you think that? I’m still young.”
She laughed and said, “I was joking.”
Then she asked if he had a girlfriend.
He replied with no, and he saw an opportunity to ask her the same.
“Do you have a boyfriend or something?”
She laughed.
“No, I don’t.”
The plan was a yes. He was happy.
Then they talked about other stuff, and he saw she was acting a bit shy today.
Then they arrived at the stop and got to the office.
Now, the whole day, he was thinking, how will he talk to her?
Then the time came.
They were in the bus. She was quiet. He was nervous, and he knew asking in the bus was not a good idea, so they kept the silence.
He felt easy in that silence, like all he wanted in his life was this silence with her.
Then he saw her sitting next to him and looking out of the window.
Now, if I make Majnu sit in front of me and describe how beautiful the girl that I like is, if I describe her like stars in the sky and pearls in the ocean, and then ask Majnu who the most beautiful girl in the world is, he will say Laila without taking a second.
So describing how Jasmin looked for Avinash at that time is beyond my writing.
Then they got to the bus stop where they took different paths.
They got down.
Unlike every day, she didn’t wave and say goodbye and leave. She was standing there like something else was there for them.
He too stood there for a straight 10 minutes.
Then, when she was leaving, he tried but didn’t say anything.
He thought, “I think this is going perfectly, and rushing things may ruin it.”
And now she left.
He stood there like an idiot.
It was Saturday now.
And have you ever done anything exciting or idiotic during your school time right before the weekend, and now you are at home waiting for Monday?
The same situation was with Avinash right now.
He should have at least taken her number.
What an idiot he was.
Then he was happy too.
MONDAY
It was as usual Monday, unlike the last one.
Then he got dressed up, had breakfast, and headed to the bus.
The air was dry. The bus was loudly silent.
Then he got to the bus stop from where he changed the bus.
Unlike every day, Jasmin was not there.
He thought she might be running late.
The first bus came, but he didn’t get in.
Then another, and one more.
She was not there yet.
Then he thought maybe she was already there.
He got on the next bus and arrived at the office.
Then he saw she was not there.
He thought maybe she was taking a day off today.
It was 11:44 AM when the HR asked for the floor’s attention.
“We have news to inform you all that we got right now. Jasmin, one of our colleagues and family members of Tech in Toe’s, unfortunately met with an accident last Friday while heading back to her home. Her family members informed us now. And guys, let’s stand silent for five minutes. Then we will take our leave. We are logging off early, and if you like, you could join us. We are going to visit Jasmine’s family.”
Like a well-programmed robot, he stood up with the others and stood silent for five minutes.
Then he logged off, took his bag, and walked toward the bus stop.
He didn’t join them, and no one would ask him to, because he was just a week old here—a “week” of colleagues.
The bus stop was the same, but the rush was less.
Then he got on the bus.
He got a seat too.
He sat there.
The shops were the same.
The roads were the same.
Then the bus stop from where he changed the bus was the same too.
And the bus which arrived was the same.
The building where he lived was the same.
The friends who were waving to him, and to whom he waved back with a smile, were the same.
His mother was the same, asking why he was early and if he had lunch.
Then his room was the same.
The only thing that changed in him was something within him.
“Avinash, we have to be strong. I want you to be with Amma. I will go home and prepare for the funeral. Be strong. Men don’t cry.”
Avinash was 19 when his father got into an accident and passed away.
Standing in that cold hospital at midnight, with his mother who was not in her senses and crying in his arms, he only remembered what his big brother told him:
“Men don’t cry.”
His eyes felt dry after that day.
And this night, he lost someone again.
And now no one was there telling him, “Don’t cry.”
But he was not able to cry.
And the question clicked in his mind:
“Why do I want to cry?”
Then he thought he should talk to his mother about it. Then, if she consoled him, he could cry.
He walked to her room and sat on a chair while she was talking to some friend on the phone.
Then she hung up and looked at him.
Then he told her,
“Amma, a girl in my new office. They told me she passed away.”
He waited for a while and said,
“I knew her a bit. We talked while coming back from the office every day.”
She looked at him and said,
“Oh, that’s why you came early today. At least they had to inform you early so you wouldn’t have to spend time traveling and coming back.”
She was not understanding him, but Avinash didn’t explain it to her.
He nodded, and then the topic changed.
After dinner, his friends called him for their usual rounds around the city.
They all went to a small tea stall and had some cigarettes and tea.
Then Avinash thought, what if he shared it with his friends?
Then he did.
“Hey guys, I want to tell you something,” he said.
“Go on,” one of them replied.
“There was a girl in my office who passed away on Friday.”
He said this, and then one of them interrupted him.
“I know that. Sorry for that girl. Poor little thing, she was still young. I saw that accident. She died on the spot.”
Hearing this sentence, Avinash felt like he was going to throw up.
Then they continued their conversation, adding different events of the accident and stuff.
There was not a single person in his life in front of whom he could cry freely, and they would let him.
The next day, he took sick leave, which ended up being for three days.
And he was going to the office on Friday to give his resignation.
He was flying to London after next week.
He got to the bus stop, took the bus, reached the bus stop where he had to change the bus, and got down.
The first thing his eyes did was look around, searching for the person who was not here anymore.
Then he got on the bus and reached the office.
He gave his resignation and saw the friend with whom Jasmin used to hang around in the office.
They were normally laughing and working like they didn’t know any girl named Jasmin who passed away last Friday.
Then he saw the office.
Everything, every person, was the same as usual.
Then he got out, walked to the bus stop, stood there, and thought about what she once told him while they were waiting for the bus.
“Hey, you know Kripthi in the office?”
“No, I am new here,” he replied.
“Yeah, but you must have seen her with me.”
“Maybe.”
“She is such a good friend. I really love her, but she is toxic in relationships. She shaved her ex’s eyebrows when he stopped texting. Don’t ask me how. She is 4.5 feet, but she did it.”
Avinash, in the present, was laughing thinking about it.
Then the bus arrived.
He got on and sat in the same seat where he sat on Friday.
And the same window seat was empty.
Then he got the flashback again.
“Why do cats hiss at me? They are cute, but when I go to pet them, they hiss at me. So I have only dogs in my home. Five of them.”
In the present, he thought about that and smiled.
Then the tears fell from his cheeks.
Then the silent sobs.
And the rain started, like they were telling him, “It’s okay. You can cry now. You are where you wanted to be.”
