Until Morning

I was sitting alone at the couch of our home and was always seem to be strangled by my thoughts. I continuously stare down the hall with nothing but void as its darkness slowly close towards me. And then suddenly, a ray of light from behind me emerges.

“…la” the voice calls behind the door that swung open. “ISLA!”

“AHHH!!!” I shouted as I jump out of my bed.

“Were you still dreaming? You are going to be late again if you do not hurry up.” my mom said as I noticed her holding up the curtain, she just pulled open, letting the morning light spill across my face.

I shook my head and take a glance at the clock that shows it is already 7:30 of the morning. I rushed out of my bed and head immediately to the washroom next to my room to freshen up myself. I went back to my room to change into my uniform and saw that mom had ironed it for me. After that, I quickly head downstairs and straight to the kitchen where I met my father sitting at his chair and sipping up his morning coffee while he reads the newspaper that he is holding. Sitting across him was my mother who is now eating her breakfast.

“Good morning, sweetheart!” my dad greeted me with a warm smile.

“Good morning!” I greeted him back as I grab the lunch box my mom had prepared that is sitting on the table.

“Isla, do not forget to pick up your sister from her school once your classes are over.” my mom said.

“Yes, Mom. See you two later.” I kissed each of them on the cheek as I said goodbye.

I walk towards the door and went outside our home. I rode my bicycle on the way to my school where I arrived just in time before my first class started. The time inside the classroom went by in a blink of an eye. I do not have a lot of friends so even at break time, I just sit by my table and read books. Despite that, my childhood friend, Lila, always come to my classroom to accompany me.

“Hey, Isla. I brought you some snacks. I am pretty sure you did not eat breakfast.”

“How do you know that?”

“Well, I saw you rushing from the front gate earlier. I figured you are once again, late.” she said on a disappointed tone.

“Thank you for your concern, Lila. But mom packed me some lunch so I am still going to get through this day.” I said as I put my lunch on my desk.

“WOAH! That looks really good! Mind if I try some?”

“Yeah sure, help yourself.”

The school bell rang throughout the whole building indicating that lunch time is finally over. Lila waved her goodbyes to go back to her classroom. The classes resumed and it was not that long before the day comes to its end. I walk up towards the parking space where I left my bicycle. Lila was waiting for me at the front gate.

“You did not have to wait for me.” I said.

“Oh, but it has been ages since we went home together.”

“I still have to pick up Avery, so you can go ahead.”

“Come on, let me come with you. I have not seen Avery either for so long.” Lila replied with a persistent tone.

I sighed and nodded my head. The two of us started walking and chatting along the way.

“We are going to graduate soon.” Lila said while looking at the sky.

“Yeah.” I said staring ahead.

“Have you been doing well? I heard you are quite struggling with some subjects.”

“Yeah.”

“But I envy you, despite having a bit of failing grades, your parents still support you no matter what.”

“…Yeah.”

“I wish I have those kinds of parents. I get scolded every now and then whenever my mother stumbles upon my exam papers.”

“Yeah.”

“…Isla, are you bxtch?”

“Ye-WHAT?!”

“I knew it. You were not listening.” Lila sighed and rolled her eyes.

“I-uh-sorry. My mind just went blank for a moment.” I said apologetically.

“Hey. Give me your bike. Why are we even walking when we have this?”

Lila and I rode my bicycle and picked up my sister before it gets dark. Me and Avery arrived home and waved our goodbyes to Lila who lives across the street. As soon as we enter our house, Mom is in the kitchen preparing our dinner while humming a lovely song. Dad then just walked out of the bathroom with a towel on his neck as he brushes his hair.

“Welcome home, my lovely daughters!” Dad said while he walks towards us.

“We are home, Dad!” the two of us replied in synchrony.

Avery then hugged Dad and started talking about her day on her school. I smiled as I remove my shoes from my feet. I thought for a moment that I hope this would last for a very long time. My sister and I freshen up before heading to the dinner table. The four of us sat by the table as we begin to feast and then chatter with a smile on our face as each of us tells the story of our day. Dad tells us about his work and other stuffs, while Mom shared us her story as she manages our small restaurant, and of course there is Avery who talks non-stop about how her teacher praises her a lot because of her artistic works.

“How about you, Isla? Did something fun happened to you today?” my dad asked looking at my direction.

“I had, uhm, an okay day. We rarely do much aside from studying since our final examination is just around the corner and soon, we will be close to graduating.” I replied.

“Oh, that is right! What is your plan after graduating?” said Mom.

“I want to go to college. I have always dream of becoming a teacher because I want to help young children on their education.”

Everyone stopped from what they were doing and took a look at me. Mom who seats across me held my hand and flashes a hide grin. Dad who seats next to my mom nodded with agreement. And my sister next to me was looking at me with amazement.

“I am always proud of you, Darling. We will support you no matter what” said Mom as she tears up while still holding my hand.

“You can count on us, Isla. Together, we will achieve your dream. I believe in you.” Dad said with his soothing tone.

“You will become the greatest teacher in the world, Big Sis!”

I sat there with awe; tears started running down my cheeks as soon as I closed my eyes. My family all stood up from their seats and hugged me tight. Up until now I have never noticed that my family is always there to support my decisions in life.

“Thank you, Mom, Dad, Ave. Thank you for becoming my family.”

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I slowly open my eyes looking around the dark room. I realized I was already on my bed. I took a glance on the clock that shows the time 6:30am.

“I must have fallen asleep last night.” I whispered.

I got out of my bed and my feet stumbles on a water bottle which ended up spilling, leaving the papers near it soaked. I looked at it, then wondered my eyes around the room, seeing the dirty pile of clothes by the chair, my study table that is disorganized, and bags of chips, as wells as water bottles cluttering all around the area, that is when it hit me.

It was just a dream.

Noises from downstairs caught my attention. Dad was shouting to my mom as they fight about money. Mom was there banging the dishes as she washes them. There is also my sister who is crying non-stop. I noticed that Avery has bruises on her cheeks so she must have been beaten up by Dad, again.

I ignored all of this and went back upstairs to prepare for my day ahead. This is nothing new to me anyway. Soon, I would be able to work on my own, get paid, and leave this house as soon as possible. I have nothing to do with these people in the first place.

I went to school a little early, however, there is already a crowd of students chattering along the hall. I went up to Lila who is waiting at the front of my classroom.

“Good morning! Lila.”

“Hello, Isla. How have you been?”

“Good, I guess. Do you have any copies of the language papers that I can borrow today? I spilled water on mi-”

Before I even finished speaking, a girl from my class bumped to me.

“Hey! Why the hell are you standing in front of the door?”

“I-I am sorry. I did not mean to bother you or anything.” I said.

Suddenly, she grabbed my hair by her left hand and squeezed my cheeks with her right.

“Next time, do not even get too close to me, you disgusting bxtch!” she said as she firmly let go of my head.

I pulled myself together and fixed my hair.

“Are you alright?” Lila asked.

“Yeah. I am used to her being liked that.”

I looked at the direction of the girl who just I had a misunderstanding with and heard them talking along with the people around her.

“Who is she even talking to? There is no one there.”

“LOL! From what I heard she is crazy. I mean look at her wrinkled uniform she clearly does not take care of herself.”

“She is the absolute example of TRASH!”

They all just started laughing hysterically as they make fun of me. I ignore them just like what I always do. I still said my goodbye to Lila and she did as well even though she is supposedly to be not there. The time inside the classroom went by in a blink of an eye, I did not even notice that I am the only one who is still sitting on my chair as I continuously write on the pad paper on my desk.

The door swung open and it was my language teacher who is standing behind it.

“Isla, why are you still here?”

“Oh, I am sorry. I was about to leave.” I said as I hurriedly pack my things.

“Well, this is a great timing. I have to talk to you about your grades.” he said in a suggestive tone as he locks the door behind him and walks slowly towards me.

I already know where this is going since he did this to me countless of times now. I do not like it but this is the only way that I could keep my grades to make my parents proud. Just until graduation, I kept telling myself. To this life of mine, nothing is new to me anymore, anything that could happen to a person because of their misfortune, I had experienced it all.

“Keep up doing your great work, Isla.” my teacher told me as he leaves.

I slowly put my clothes back on, fighting back my tears from falling as I think of that dream I had last night.

“Only if that was true, maybe, just maybe I would not be like this.”

I stood up on my feet and walked out of the school feeling all shameful of myself. Before I head home, I decided to past by the arcade I always go to whenever I feel down. It’s noisy, just like home but, it’s full of colors, laughers, and smiles that I envy the most. I used all of my pocket money to buy tokens so I can play the claw machine.

“Why do you always play that, Isla? You’re just wasting money you know.” Lila said.

“It’s…amusing, I suppose. Wait! I think I got it!” I exclaimed with excitement.

The claw grabbed the penguin plushie I was aiming for. The moment it dropped down to the prize chute, I was startled by the sudden bang from the next machine next to the one I was playing. I slowly bent down to get my plushie out, and I couldn’t help but look at the lady that is playing beside me. She was gritting her teeth, too focused on the machine, only for it to make the losing sound again.

“This game is absolutely rigged!” the lady exclaimed.

I couldn’t help but chuckle a bit. I noticed too that she was wearing the same uniform as I am, and she’s…really pretty…

“Excuse me. You’ve been staring for a while. May I help you?” the lady said calmly as she glances at me.

“S-sorry!” I said as I stood back up, still feeling embarrassed.

“Oh, no need to apologize! And wait…we go to the same school, aren’t we?” she asked with a smile.

I looked down at my uniform and slightly nod my head.

“I knew it! Although, I don’t think I’ve seen you around. I’m Marina, by the way.”

“Marina…De Admante, right?”

“You know me?” she asked, looking confused.

“…You’re the student council secretary. I see you around sometimes.”

“Oh. Right! I guess that makes sense.”

She clapped her hands and giggled at herself. I looked down and slowly reached my backpack, preparing to leave.

“You know. You look familiar. Have we met before? What’s your name?” she asked wearing the same smile again.

“…Isla. And I don’t think we actually met before so…I should get going now.” I said as I give her a small nod and turned around.

“Wait! I remember now. You come here sometimes, right?”

Marina grabbed my arm, making me stop. I looked down at her hand, which made her let go, apologizing. I nod to her question.

“Perhaps…you can help me with that? Please?” she pointed at the claw machine beside her.

“I…I just got lucky earlier.”

“Then make me lucky too!”

Her eyes sparkled as she clasped my hand. I was startled but I couldn’t help but show a faint smile. She stepped aside and gestured towards the controls. I took her place in front of the machine and started playing. I tried it once but the claw missed. I tried it again; this time it grabbed the plushie for a moment but slip out. Another yet another failure too. Marina who is by my side, watched the claw with increasing frustration. I tried it for one last time but nothing. I sighed as I stepped away from the machine.

“Sorry. I don’t think I can do it.” I said.

“So, you really just got lucky earlier huh.” she pouted.

“I guess. Sorry again.”

“Oh no. It’s okay. I should be the one apologizing for the time.” she giggled.

I remembered the penguin plushie I got earlier that is now inside my backpack. I reached for it and pulled it out.

“You can have this.”

“What?” her eyes widened.

“I don’t really need it.” I held it out to her.

“But you won it.”

“It’s fine.”

She hesitated before taking it from me. I nodded and show a faint smile.

“Thank you.”

She smiled as she hugged the plushie against herself. A moment later, her expression suddenly changed.

“Isla…your arm. What happened?” she asked out of concern.

“Nothing.” I replied, instinctively pulling my sleeve down.

She looked at me but I kept my eyes away from her. She was visibly not convinced by my answer but she didn’t press any further.

“If you ever need anything, you can tell me. Okay?”

I looked at her eyes. And for a moment, I didn’t know what to say.

“…It’s too late already.” I said.

“You’re right! It must be getting dark outside. Let’s go home!” she exclaimed.

We walked out of the arcade together, only to be greeted by the pouring rain.

“Well, the forecast said it was going to rain by the evening. Do you have an umbrella?” Marina asked.

“No. But I’m fine. I’ll just run.”

“Oh no! I couldn’t let you do that. Here, have mine.” she said as she held out the umbrella.

“I couldn’t accept that.”

“It’s fine! I actually have a raincoat. I always bring these two with me.”

She forced the umbrella on my hand and brought out the raincoat she was talking about.

“Thank you again, Isla! See you around!”

She waved her goodbye to me as she run into the rain. I simply replied with a nod.

“She looks fun.” Lila said, suddenly appearing out of nowhere.

“…Where have you been?”

Lila and I left the arcade, sharing the umbrella that was lent to me. I arrived in of my house when the front door suddenly burst open. My mom with a huge bag on her left hand is dragging my sister out of our house with her other hand. Dad was behind them shouting and yelling.

“I should have not married you in the first place. I was nothing but a REPLACEMENT to your late wife!”

“YOU ARE LEAVING NOW?! GO ON!! LEAVE AND SEE WHERE IT TAKES YOU!”

Mom and Avery kept walking towards my direction, not listening to the nonsense words my dad continuously yelling. I hold on to her wrist as she walks past me, which she immediately shoved my hands away. Mom looked at me with eyes that are full of rage, sorrow, and disgust.

“Mom…please, do not leave…”

“I WILL NEVER BE YOUR MOTHER.”

“Mom…no…please…” I plead to her.

“You are nothing but a child of a dead person. You will never achieve anything in your life.” she said with a cold tone.

Those sentences would remain forever be stuck on my soul.

Just like that, Mom and Avery left. My father and I sat by the dining table, eating dinner that is a left over from the previous night.

“Dad…”

He glared at me.

“You know, this might be for the better. You and Mom always argue every now and then. It might be better to have a little break from each other.”

He did not respond and instead continued to slowly eat his meal but I can hear his sadness underneath his breath to every food he takes. I look at the food in front of me, thinking this was the last meal mom had made before leaving.

“This would be good for Avery. She does not need to grow up in th-”

Before I could even finish my sentence, my father slammed the table so hard that it ended up flipping out. The food on it was on the floor and in complete mess, and our plates and glass are all shattered into pieces.

“STOP! TALKING!”

I looked at my father who is trembling furiously. Despite my father constant yelling, this was the first time that my father scared me out.

“This was all your fault to begin with. I wish that you should have died with her.”

“Dad…what are you talking about?”

My father started sobbing on his chair. I could not move my body from what I just heard. What does my father meant that I should have died with my real mother? I watched him wipe his tears away and watched his mouth opening slowly. Then, he said four words that made me questioned my whole life.

“I killed your mother.” he said.

A deafening silence echoed around the whole house. Not even a whistle of air could be heard.

“We were not supposed to have you. We were still young back then, but she chose to save your life instead. I tried to compromise and accept her decision, but in the end, I was not ready to become a father. So, the night you were about to be born, I tried to bury you, her, as my past. Yet the doctors were persistent to save her and her child. In the end, they were able to save the baby.”

I could not believe every single word that my father was saying. I was just there, standing, looking at him with disbelief.

“Then this lovely woman came in my life. We were happy together, and almost lived our life to the fullest. My biggest achievement in life was when we had our daughter, Avery, because I know that this time, I am ready.” he said with a joyful tone.

“But YOU just had to ruined it.” he glared at me and stood up from his chair.

“Dad…I do not follow everything that you are saying right now.” I said with my trembling voice.

“She tried to love you as her daughter despite being not her own blood, but what would you return to her instead? THIS?!” he shouted as he scattered shirtless photos of me that was taken by my language teacher.

“H-How did you get this?” I replied as I hurriedly pick up the photos from the floor.

“From the very beginning I knew that someone as dumb as you cannot be on the top of her class. I knew something was off so I went to your teacher. We talked about you and your works…I thought…” he paused for a brief moment.

“…I thought that for once, I could be proud to have you as my daughter.” tears started rolling down from my father’s eyes as he speaks.

“Dad…”

“I talked to them about how hard you have been studying at home despite that we are struggling. But I noticed them smirking and whispering as I speak out. I asked if I said something I should have not…” he added still tears on his eyes.

“…and then one of your teachers pulled me inside a private room to discuss your actions. He showed me those.” my father said in a serious tone.

“H-How long did you know about this?” I asked him.

“YOU EXCHANGE YOUR DIGNITY FOR SOME USELESS NUMBERS ON PAPERS!”

“You…You knew all of this yet…YET YOU DID NOT EVEN DO ANYTHING TO PROTECT ME!”

I finally broke down. Hearing that my father knew all about the stuffs I do and still acting like I do not exist whenever we are together inside this house hurts me more than just being exposed to not just only him, but to who I looked up as a mother when I was growing up.

“W-Why did you let me suffer like this? I just did everything I could to get your attention. I thought by being a good daughter who is always top of her class would get me the recognition I longed for. I! I did anything you ask me for, yet…why could you not even try to reach me out, Dad?” my voice shakes in terror and frustration as I speak those words.

I kneeled down on the floor and curled up in a ball as I could not keep my tears back and started crying out like a child. I heard the footsteps of my father walking pass me.

“I will try to find my Avery and her mother. From now on, I only have one daughter that I raised right. You can forget all about us now and by morning, I do not want to see any of your shadows here.”

Those are the last words that I heard from my father as he walks out of the door.

“You did not even raise me.” I said underneath my breath.

I was left alone in the darkness with only a dim light from the moonlight was my guide as I sat down on our couch. All of the things that my father said, it was coming down on to me now. He admittedly killed my mother, he blamed me for ruining his life, and I do not even know his reasons for not protecting me.

Ah, I shamed him too much I see.

I wondered my eyes around to now an empty home. The kitchen that is now on complete mess, those stairs that leads to my room, my only safe place, and the drips of water from the broken shower in the bathroom can be heard throughout the house now. As I continue to take a look around for the last time, I noticed the picture frame hanging on the wall. I stood up to take a look at it as I hold it on my hand.

“This was the time that we all went camping.”

“Do you still remember what your dad taught you?” a voice next to me said.

“…Lila.” I said looking at her.

Of course, why would I ever forget about this day. As far as I can remember, he taught me how to fish, I also learned different types of foods you can digest in the wilderness, and he taught me how to build a shelter with leaves, sticks, and ropes. This is probably the only time that my father had become a dad to me. Most of those things cannot be applied to my situation right no- Ah, one thing can.

I never thought that knowing how to knot a rope would be useful.

“I’m sorry, Lila. In the end, I could fulfill our dream.”

“I am you, Isla. What were about to do is our dream from the beginning.”

“…our dream is…to be happy.”

“It is. And this is the only way we know how.”

Lila, who is standing next to me with a bright smile reached out her hand and led me to my room.

There in front of me, a chair, and a rope hanging with a noose greeted me. I walked towards the chair and stood up on it. I wrapped the gift I had prepared around my neck and stare down the hall in front of me, nothing but void. I took once last breathe and kicked the chair away.

“Dad…I…had…fulfilled…your…wish”