Bound by Reputation

March, 1815

When the door to Woodford’s Reading Rooms opened without a hitch , Mary knew at once who it was without tearing her eyes off the pages of her newly acquired book. The scent of fresh roses and swift, familiar footsteps drew nearer to the cozy private nook that Mary inhabited, and quietly announced the welcomed intruder. The woman stomped over to the chair opposite of Mary and promptly sat in a rather unladylike manner. Not that Mary cared very much for the manner since the nook was only accessible to the two of them, and they were alone and away from society’s prying eyes.

The blonde woman groaned aloud as her hands attempted to massage her temples, “I barely woke up and broke my fast when she decided to give me another pre-season lecture!”

May chuckled lightly before flipping the page.

“An entire hour, May, it had gone on! I could scarcely edge a word in before I managed to escape here!”

“It is understandable given your age, Linds.”

The mentioned woman groaned aloud once more, “Say no more lest this pesky headache persists till I fall faint.” She rubbed her temples with more aggression until her pale eyes closed.

Mary, or rather May as she preferred to be called by her close friends and family, smiled softly at her agonized friend. Lindsey Matthews, the woman in question, had always loathed such talks of age and marriage ever since May first met her. She couldn’t help but sympathize with her friend; dealing with a mother who constantly brought up spinsterhood was not an easy task to deal with. However, it could only ever be sympathy rather than empathy in May’s case.

Picking up her book, May recalled the first day she ever met Lindsey Matthews. It was the year where everything had to change for May: 1813, which would make two years next month. That year, May and her grandmother had to move out of her childhood country home into London; she made her debut at age eighteen, going on nineteen. Everything had seemed well enough. Lady Walford, her grandmother, had created a whole new identity for May, with a backstory to go along it. They had memorized it and trained May to respond to the new name every hour of each day for a whole month.

After making her debut, May attempted to socialize to the best of her timidity. She begged her grandmother to allow her to go to an upcoming event, and, after a two hour long plea deal, she was allowed to go. When the time came, the young woman was full of nerves and excitement. In her mind, she recited passages of her favorite book and parts of her mother’s letters to inspire courage. But, after she took a turn about the room, she realized no one would pay any heed to her. Worse still, after her fourth attempt to walk around, she overheard some ladies commenting on the state of her dress!

Mary’s little ounce of courage had withered completely from the cruel gossip. That was until she heard a loud, booming voice, declaring itself without fear of reprimand or offense.

“How dare you!” The voice thundered, “You have no right to judge a woman on the state of her appearance when you have no knowledge of her character!”

May shifted her whole body to view the commotion. The woman who spoke in her defense was a beautiful woman, with golden curls pinned and framing her soft face; compared to the two ladies that May assumed were the culprits, the woman was like a furbished painting in front of rough sketches. Perhaps it was due in some part to her looks that May was surprised such bold and forward talk had emerged from her.

One of the ladies that May assumed guilty spoke up, “Miss Matthews! I had no idea you were acquainted with… thatwoman. Forgive us for any offense caused to you, for we meant no harm.”

The mentioned woman, named Miss Matthews, jutted out her chin in response, “Indeed I am! If you mean no harm, you ought to apologize to my friend this instant, for offense was caused in full.”

The guilty woman cringed for a second before she smoothed her facial features; she and her own friend drifted over to May with Miss Matthews right beside them. They bowed their heads briefly as they greeted May. Still as a rock due to confusion and nerves, she waited with bated breath before the guilty party had spoken. Miss Matthews strode to stand beside May, linking their arms together with a decided confidence.

“If I may ask, what is your name?” Miss Matthews asked in a whisper next to May’s ear so the other ladies couldn’t overhear (for they were already speaking their apologies).

The shy woman spluttered her alias as quickly and quietly as possible, “R-Radcliffe!”

“Miss Radcliffe and I forgive your rudeness, Miss Fairchild and Miss Perkins. Though we forgive you today, let us never hear any more gossip out of you two, for there is always consequences that follow wagging tongues.”

And with that, Miss Matthews tugged May away to begin their unified walk, albeit with May struggling to catch up as she was still in a state of confusion.

“Um…Miss Matthews, was it?”

The blonde woman smiled brightly as though she wasn’t previously vexed. “Yes, that is me. What can I do for you, dear?”

“I…would like to th-thank you. But, um, why did you help me?”

“Believe me, those ninnies deserved every word of it,” she scoffed, “Hypocritical as it might be to say, when one is full of pride, it can make them arrogant and disagreeable.” She smirked as she added, “Not to mention unfashionable!”

May chuckled, “Is that not also as mean as they are?”

“Perhaps so, but at least I have my fashion sense to excuse my pride,” Miss Matthews laughed. “Come, Miss Radcliffe, we have some acquainting to do if we wish to back up the new claim that we are, indeed, friends!”

Not wishing to mention that it was Miss Matthews herself that created this claim, May allowed herself to walk together with her and converse for another hour (before May had to leave to go home to her aged grandmother).

In the next moment, May blinked and she was back in the present time. A wide smile crept on her cheeks at the memory. Time had passed so quickly from then to now. Now, May was twenty while Lindsey Matthews was four and twenty. When once May was a fresh, blushing debutante, she was currently a disregarded, blushing wallpaper accessory. Compared to the incomparable Miss Matthews…though May harbored no ill will towards her friend. For when one fits society’s ideal, they will be the most scrutinized. And scrutiny is not what May desires for herself.

“…Then, while I was gathering my gloves, she complained of the manner of which I put them on! Declaring how improper it was! Gloves! Improper! Imagine that, May. Why, I had thought of recounting all the improper behaviors she had, but that would have dragged the lecture on for hours. Hours of wasting breath.” Lindsey was sitting up straight as she prattled on without a care for whether or not May was actively listening or zoning out, as was often the case when Lindsey was especially frustrated. Every time she had declared to both herself and to May that she would stop this bad habit of hers, she had failed. Lindsey continued on, “By the time I reached the hall, I nearly sprinted to the door to escape. The butler barely had time to prepare! You have no idea how relieved I was to find you here today after that nauseating endeavor. Honestly!”

May placed her book down on the corner table as her friend sighed aloud before slouching back again. Then, not a second passed when she sat straight once more to begin a new topic of interest, “That reminds me, May. The first ball of the Season is happening next week! It will be quite the event, you know.”

“Oh, yes, I suppose it will be.”

“Well? Have you given it any thought? I have. Haven’t stopped thinking about it since the year began.”

May hesitated before responding. She had thought of it in passing, though, with each year, her anxiety about experiencing the Season grew. “I…”

Lindsey grabbed her friend’s hands and stood, “Guarantee it, my dear, this year will be your year! My favorite part is visiting the dress shops, of course. You shall wear the most gorgeous gown the Ton has ever seen! No expenses recorded!”

“Oh, but, Linds…” May’s hands began to perspire, “I don’t… I couldn’t…”

To be the center of attention: that was one of her fears. For attention always had negative consequences, and May has had quite enough of it.

So, May replied the only way she knew how: deflection. “Even if I do…you, Linds, will still be the most beautiful in the room.”

Of course, her friend scoffed at the notion, “Don’t be daft! If no one manages to notice you, they are the ones to be shamed. Not you.”

That was when May saw one of the most mortifying things she has seen that day: the moment Lindsey Matthew’s eyes sparkled. It was indeed a thing to be reckoned with.

“Why,” the blonde woman eagerly continued, “we have enough time this afternoon to visit the shops! We could buy you a new gown, new accessories for your hair—your neck!, and new gloves! Definitely new slippers, for you will be dancing the night away till morning!”

The woman was practically giddy about imagining dressing May up in finery.

“Linds, there is no need to do this! Please. I need to stay with Grandmama in case she experiences another spell during the night.”

“But, May, imagine the opportunities! Not to mention, your grandmother did tell me she hopes to see you engaged this year to a gentleman. I am sure she will encourage you to spend that night out. It has been a long time since you last been to a ball, May, and you are still quite young.”

Before May could open her mouth to speak, she continued, with her cunning smirk, “If you are as determined to not go as I am determined to bring you, you should perhaps ponder on whether or not ’Lover Boy’ will be there.”

“…N-no way he will be there. He has not—”

“—come in the past two years? I know. But what if this year will be different, and his parents will finally allow him to come back home? They are already in London, after all, and began speaking with old connections. It is not too far fetched to believe they are doing so to prepare the arrival of their son, even if they had not yet mentioned his return to the south.”

May did not know how to respond to this news. She knew his parents were here, though they did not interact with May or her grandmother as of yet. Their presence was one reason this Season brought new anxiety to her. If their son showed up as well…

Lindsey squeezed her hands with a soft smile across her face, “Or, perhaps this year could finally be the year you fully move on from the past and meet a gentleman worthy of your affections? One who will not abandon you or forget you. You deserve a life full of love and happiness, May, and waiting around for a man who may or may not still think about you will not help your future. Think on it, for me, please?”

May stared into her friend’s eyes for a moment before nodding. “Perhaps…you are right, Linds. I have held onto the past longer than I should.”

The mentioned woman’s smile grew larger, “So?”

“I decided…I will go to the first ball.”

Lindsey Matthews positively squealed in excitement before tightly embracing her smaller friend. She gently pushed May back as she conjured the plan, “First thing first, I will speak to my maid to help you dress while you should speak to your grandmother of this incredible news!”

May quickly grabbed her book before Lindsey pulled her out of the nook to enact the next step of Lindsey’s plan, “Second, we must buy you a new gown! Now, May, there’s no need to groan! You have to show these boys what they missed out on, and you have to do it in style! You can make your choice of color and fabric, but you will be dazzling if I have anything to say about it!”

The two friends then exited Woodford’s Reading Rooms for the last time that day as they made their way to more busy shops and the like. Regardless of what exactly they found to be rather fetching for them, throughout their time together that afternoon, they were excited about one thing: they were going to the first ball of the Season together!