Chapter 1: Deredere on my left, Tsundere on my right
Life is a series of choices that determine who we are as people.
Most of them are small. What to eat. Where to go. When to sleep.
But some choices… define everything that comes after.
The choice I have to make is one of the hardest a guy can take in his life... which girl do I choose?
This might just be your typical rom com story. A Boy. Two childhood friends. I like both of them. And since thankfully, I’m not as dense as the black hole in the center of our galaxy, I’m pretty sure they both like me.
But I’m fairly certain I’m in a situation every guy with a female friend is familiar with... I like her but I don’t want to potentially ruin our friendship by making a move. Except I have two such cases, two such friendships that may lie in ruins if I make a decision.
So what if, what if, I just don’t…
Then nobody gets hurt, right? Right?
It’s not cowardice. It’s optimization.
Chapter 1: Deredere on my left, Tsundere on my right
There are many rules I try to follow to live a peaceful life.
Avoid unnecessary conflict.
Don’t stand out.
And most importantly…
Don’t make decisions you can’t take back.
Here I am on a typical day, walking to school. My head in the clouds thinking of last night’s basketball game. My Lakers absolutely dominated. It was freaking awesome! It’s been a minute since we’ve been in championship contention. Really looking forward to the rest of this season.
“Kaito!”
I ignore it. Continuing to think of the sweet bullet feed from Bron to my boy Rui for the easy layup. I was looking forward to trying to master such a pass in our team’s next practice.
“Kaito!!!”
I still ignore it.
“Kaito Sakamori!!!”
“What?”
I turned slightly and…
CRASH!!!
I staggered forward, barely able to keep my balance. My childhood friend and part-time battering ram, Akane Fujihara, had just launched herself at me like a ballistic missile and now her arms were wrapped around my left arm.
“Oww… it’s too early for this, Akane…”
“Teehee. Got you~”
“Akane...”
“Mhm~”
“Why did you tackle me?”
“I didn’t tackle you~”
“You accelerated into me at full speed and nearly knocked me on my ass! That’s like the literal definition of a tackle…”
“I joined you quickly, silly~”
“That’s not what joining looks like!”
“It is for me. At worst, it was a high-velocity hug~”
She adjusted her grip around my arm. More secure. Like this was the most natural thing in the world. I’d be more angry but I was touching something very soft and very big that every man from the womb to the tomb loves.
“You planned this.”
“I timed it~”
“That’s… worse.”
We started walking. Well, to be truthful, I started walking. Akane seamlessly adjusted her arms around me and basically floated in the direction I was going. It was hard to think with her sweater puppies brushing up against my arm. So soft…
“You’re early again.”
“Mhm~” Akane gave me the kind of look that would’ve broken lesser mortals.
“You didn’t have to wait.”
“I know~”
“Then why?”
She looked at me, beaming her adorable yet deadly smile of hers.
“Because I wanted to walk with you~”
Simple and direct. No hesitation. Just her style. She was looking particularly cute this morning. Her shoulder length blue hair had a natural bounce to it being adorned by the flower clip I gave her for her birthday last year. Her large, blue eyes were fixated on me as though I would vanish into the ether if I left her sight.
“You know, you don’t have to walk to school with me every day.”
“Mhm, but I want to~”
“Well, can you at least try not tackling me?”
“I didn’t tackle you~”
“Right. Well whatever that was, can you just not?”
“No promises~”
Akane smiled deviously as she said that. As if she were planning an even more elaborate ambush in the future. A tingle ran up my spine as I feared for future me’s safety.
“…Kaito.”
I stopped dead in my tracks. Not because I wanted to, pure instinct kicked in. I knew that tone and my fight or flight response kicked in. I really wish I had chosen flight. Stupid evolution.
Hikari Tachibana stood a few steps ahead. Her arms crossed, the classic angry slim beauty. Eyes locked directly on the both of us like she was trying to cast a spell to make us burst into flames. Her red twintails somehow looked even angrier than she did. She was wearing the hair ribbons I had gotten her for her birthday last year; and legit, they looked pissed off too.
“What do you think you’re doing, Kaito?”
“Walking to school, Hikari.”
“With… her.”
“Um, yeah. That’s how walking to school with a friend works.”
“…Tch.”
Hikari walked up to us. Stopped on a dime. Then she looked at the grip Akane had around my arm and…
THWACK!!!
…Kicked my shin. Hard. How my leg didn’t shatter is a mystery that not even modern medicine can solve. Not going to lie, I was a bit turned on.
“Did you... did you just kick me?”
“You didn’t wait for me.”
“You didn’t say you were coming.”
“I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO SAY IT!”
“That implies an expectation that wasn’t communicated.”
“STOP TALKING LIKE THAT!”
She grabbed my other arm. With a grip so firm it made me fear she was about to tear it out of my arm socket like a Wookie after losing a game of holochess. I may be a simple basketball player, but I do know about my wars of the star variety. I stood frozen in place, my thoughts scattered everywhere.
“D-Don’t just stand there like nothing happened, idiot!” she snapped. “You didn’t answer my texts!”
“I was asleep.”
“It was only 5:30 AM!”
“Exactly. That’s when most guys my age tend to be asleep. Unless we stayed up all night gaming…”
She clicked her tongue and looked away, arms crossed around my arm tightly. The puff of air she blew out would’ve knocked down the home of your average pig.
“...Tch. You could’ve at least pretended to care.”
And there it was. Tsundere Dialogue Line #42. For those of you out there that don’t speak fluent Tsundere, let me translate it for you. What she meant was: I was worried about you, but I’d rather die than say it normally.
Akane tilted her head slightly. Still holding on to me like her life depended on it. If anything, she tightened her grip like I was her most prized possession.
“I’m already walking with him, Hikari~”
Hikari stared at Akane’s hands as she tightened her grip on me. The face she was giving scared me to my core. I swear her eyes turned pitch black.
“That doesn’t matter!”
“It matters to me~”
“WHY?!”
“Because I got here first~”
“YOU TACKLED HIM!”
“I was efficient~”
They began to pull in opposite directions. I stayed still. Maybe if I played dead, the bears wouldn’t eat me alive. Oh me and my optimism.
They pulled harder, causing my center of gravity to shift. I feared if I did nothing soon, I would be torn apart. Then I heard a familiar voice…
“WOW.”
We all paused. My best friend, Tadashi Nakamura had appeared out of what seemed like thin air.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” he said, hands up like a commentator, “we have an early morning matchup!”
“Tadashi…” I said as I could feel my will to live fleeing me at alarming speed.
“In the blue corner, Akane Fujihara! Strong opening play with the surprise tackle!”
“I approached quickly~”
“In the red corner, Hikari Tachibana! Immediate counterattack with a shin strike; brutal, effective, possibly illegal!”
“IT WAS NOT ILLEGAL!”
“The referees are reviewing the footage!”
“THERE ARE NO REFEREES!”
I gave Tadashi the look of a shellshocked man braving the WW1 trenches.
“Tadashi, bro, I need assistance…”
“Nope.”
“Help.”
“Can’t help you.”
“Please help.”
Tadashi dramatically turned his back to me and looked at me from over his shoulder.
“You’re in too deep, Kaito.”
“I am not in too deep!”
“You are mid-match, bro.”
“This is not a match!”
“This is absolutely a match!”
The girls began to pull harder in opposite directions. Neither side was giving an inch.
Left.
Right.
Left.
Right.
I could feel my internal organs being stretched within me. Not a doctor but I’m pretty sure that’s not normal.
“LET GO!” Hikari shouted.
“Why don’t you let go~?” Akane replied softly.
“I WAS HERE FIRST!”
“No you weren’t! I got here first~”
“YOU RAN INTO HIM!”
“I was motivated~”
My eyes bounced between them like I was watching a high stakes table tennis match. I was being turned into spaghetti as the girls continued to pull me apart. I am now fairly certain this is how I’m going to meet my end. Eh, there’s worse ways to go.
Hikari looked me dead in the eyes, like she was staring straight into my soul.
“KAITO, CHOOSE!”
“Um… No.”
“CHOOSE!”
“I don’t need to choose.”
“YES YOU DO!”
“This is a temporary spatial issue.”
“THAT’S NOT WHAT THIS IS!”
“It will resolve once forward movement resumes.”
“THAT REQUIRES A DECISION!”
“It requires cooperation.”
“KAITO!”
“What?”
“Choose! Now!”
“…No.”
“CHOOSE!”
“I am evaluating.”
“STOP EVALUATING!”
“Evaluation is part of the process.”
“THERE SHOULD NOT BE A PROCESS!”
Tadashi burst into laughter.
“Bro… you’re about to get split like a wishbone.”
“I will not be split.”
“You are actively being split.”
“This is within survivable parameters.”
“Those are not words you should be hearing outside of a scifi show. And even then, that shit is always bad news.”
I looked left. There was Akane. Calm. Steady.
I looked right. There was Hikari. Tense. Focused.
My thoughts narrowed to a singularity. “Don’t choose, don’t choose.” I kept repeating it in my head like a mantra. Not here. Not now. Not for something like this.
I stepped forward. Suddenly. Pulling both of them with me. They stumbled. Just enough. I regained balance. Centered once again. Courage found me and I finally spoke.
“We’re going the same way. So…”
“That’s not…” Hikari started.
“So we walk together.”
“That’s not choosing!”
“It avoids unnecessary conflict.”
“THAT’S THE PROBLEM!”
Akane smiled as though this had all been part of her master plan.
“Makes sense~”
Hikari opened her mouth to counter, then paused.
“…Tch.”
She let go.
“…Fine.”
Akane loosened her grip but stayed close. Of course she did.
Tadashi shook his head slowly.
“And there it is, folks. Classic Kaito play.”
“I resolved it.”
“You dodged it.”
“I handled it.”
“You evaded it.”
“I optimized it.”
“You’re… unbelievable.”
“That’s not inherently negative.”
“It is in this context.”
We kept walking. Same path. Same group. Same temporary solution.
Behind me, I could hear the girls talking.
“He always does that,” Hikari muttered.
“Mhm~” Akane replied.
“It’s annoying!”
“But it works~”
“For now.”
I exhaled slowly.
“This… works.”
No conflict. No fallout. No consequences. As long as I don’t choose…
“…Nothing changes.”
If I don’t make a choice, nobody gets hurt. A painful lesson I learned long ago…
After arriving at school, I sat at my usual desk in my home room. The sounds of everyone chattering away felt soothing after the traumatic experience from earlier. Tadashi walked over.
“Alright,” Tadashi said, staring at me like I’d personally offended his ancestors. “Walk me through this.”
“Are we seriously having this conversation again? I got attacked...”
Tadashi rolled his eyes so hard I feared they’d be permanently sucked into his brain.
“You always get attacked.”
“I got attacked twice.”
“That’s just a combo. You would know this if you didn’t suck ass at fighting games.”
Tadashi leaned forward, pointing between me and the two girls sitting nearby.
Hikari was aggressively not looking at me.
Akane was aggressively looking at me.
“How…” Tadashi continued slowly, “have you not hit that yet? They’re both fine as hell. You got Akane over there with tits bigger than her head and curvier than a Sumerian goddess. And though Hikari’s flatter than a board, she’s got a cute face, she’s slim, and got an ass for days.”
“I’m going to pretend you didn’t say all that.”
“Don’t dodge the question.”
“I’m not dodging anything.”
“You’re dodging everything,” he shot back. “You’ve got two childhood friends throwing themselves at you and you’re just… standing there.”
“Actually, I’m sitting. And I am maintaining stability.”
“Stability, my ass. You are fumbling generational talent.”
“I am preserving long-term relationships.”
“You are being a coward. Or in more sophisticated terms, a bitch.”
“I am being smart.”
Tadashi stared at me. Then leaned back, exhaling like he’d just witnessed a tragedy.
“Kaito,” he said, “you’re not the protagonist of a slow-burn romance. You’re the main character in a harem setup. The clock is ticking. Sooner or later, these girls might come to their senses and find a dude actually worth fighting over.”
“First of all, die. Second of all, I didn’t sign up for that.”
“You were born into it. Embrace the role.”
“I refuse the role.”
“That’s not how this works.”
I clicked my tongue.
“Look,” I said, lowering my voice slightly, “if I choose one… I lose the other. Perhaps both.”
Tadashi blinked.
“Oh.”
“For now,” I continued, “this is… fine. No drama. No fallout. No…”
“No progress,” he cut in.
“Exactly.”
He studied me for a second. Then smirked like a villain in a cheesy B movie.
“Still think you’re being a little bitch about it.”
“There it is. Look when you have a girl you’re friends with throwing herself at you, then you can come talk to me.”
“Wouldn’t mind your sister throwing herself at me...”
“Bruh…” I gave him the kind of glare that signified I would end him if he tried anything.
“Don’t look at me with that face just because I have a healthy appetite. We still on for that pick up game after school?”
“Yeah, I’m down.”
“Cool. Don’t get too excited just because the Lakeshow won last night. I’m still whooping your ass.”
“Please… I see you’re still upset that your Celtics lost to the Sixers. My condolences, but I’m not taking it easy on you.”
“It was one game! We’ll see how things stand come playoff time. I’m gonna wipe that smug look off your face once we’re on the court.”
“Oh wait, I just remembered I have to help my mom with something after school. How about during lunch tomorrow instead?”
“Fine. I can wait one day to wipe the floor with you. We both know you can’t stop my patented fadeaway. Patent pending.”
“Yeah, yeah. Calm down. Bro thinking he’s Kobe over here…”
“I’d like to think I’m more in the Jayson Tatum mold.”
The morning came and went. It was the same old routine of the past few months. Lectures, taking notes, applying what was learned, rinse and repeat. Before I knew it, lunch had arrived. My stomach grumbled so I ran up to my lowkey spot up on the roof in order to chow down. I mainly came up here to contemplate my strategy moving forward. I’ve been too reactive thus far. I need to get better at defusing the situations that seem to follow me like a stray dog. Or I just need to master avoiding things altogether.
As I began to eat my lunch, I was hoping for some peace and quiet up here.
I should’ve known better. I really should’ve. But I foolishly thought, just once, I could eat in peace. I was wrong.
“Kaito~”
Akane sat down beside me. Close. Too close. Like it was the only natural choice she could make. You could measure the separation between us by whatever the hell was smaller than atoms. Gluons? Protons? Something with an “on” at the end. I don’t remember. Physics is the one class that I actually struggle with in school. I’m good with the rest of the sciences, especially astronomy since that stuff is cool.
“I made extra today,” she said, opening her lunch with a smile that should be illegal.
“Oh,” I said. “That’s…”
Hikari dropped down on my other side aggressively, like a German tank going through Polish defenses. See? I’m not clueless on all subject matters. I know my history. She had the cadence and directness of a certain Austrian painter as she spoke.
“Don’t eat it.”
“I didn’t ask you, Hikari.”
“You don’t have to. I’m telling you.”
Akane tilted her head. A wide, devious looking smile adorned her face.
“Are you jealous?”
“I AM NOT JEALOUS!”
Akane grabbed a piece of sausage with her chopsticks and directed it towards me like it was the most calculated move she’d ever made in her life.
“Then you won’t mind if he says ‘ahh~’?”
“I WILL MIND!”
“Then you are jealous~”
“I’M NOT!”
I took a bite. Because I value survival. And because my mouth watered at how delicious it looked.
“This is good,” I said with my cheeks stuffed.
Akane beamed like she had just won the lottery. Then she wrapped her arms around mine. Her intent was obvious. She was over here claiming territory like a Spanish conquistador.
Hikari looked like she was about to commit every felony known to man and perhaps come up with some new ones in the process.
“You… you always make that face when she feeds you,” Hikari muttered.
“What face?”
“That stupid one.”
“I don’t have a stupid face.”
“You absolutely do.”
Akane leaned in closer. I could smell the scent of her shampoo wafting from her hair. Coconut. My favorite.
“I like that face~”
“Please don’t encourage him.”
“I’m not encouraging him, I’m appreciating him~”
“This is exactly the problem!”
“I think you’re just upset that you can’t cook~”
“I CAN COOK!”
“Last time you tried to cook something you nearly burned down your house~”
“SHUT UP! THAT WAS ONE TIME!”
Memories of that day flooded my mind. I burst out laughing. Rookie mistake.
Hikari crossed her arms and looked away.
“…Idiot.”
Quiet. Barely audible. It wasn’t anger. It was something else entirely.
“I’ve gotten better you know…” Hikari said with a flustered look on her face. The redness of her cheeks made her look so adorable I just wanted to pinch them. But I didn’t, because I only have one life to live and I am tragically addicted to breathing.
“Really? I’ll have to try it sometime…”
Hikari lit up and immediately turned her head as though she had realized her mistake in showing what she was actually feeling. This tsundere is just too damn cute!
“Maybe…” She said in an octave so low that even an elephant named Horton would’ve struggled to hear.
Akane’s grip tightened slightly. Still smiling. Still soft… but watching intently.
I looked between them. Same argument. Same rhythm. Same…
“This… is fine,” I muttered as I sipped my drink with a raging fire surrounding me.
“This is fine.”
It wasn’t. But it was familiar. And right now, that was enough. As long as I didn’t make a substantive choice between them, I had nothing to lose. Nobody would get hurt and that was my top priority. But I had this nagging feeling deep down in the pit of my stomach… that eventually something was going to force me to make a decision.
