Finding Her Way

Amy

I was so excited when I went to sleep last night. My mom has a girls weekend planned for us as soon as I get out of school today. But ever since I woke up, I’ve had this overwhelming feeling of dread. Something bad is going to happen today, I just know it…

I force myself to get out of bed, get ready for school, then eat breakfast. Making sure to give my mom and dad hugs, telling them I love them, before I run out the door and catch a ride to school with my best friend Jane.

***

I’m in my last class of the day when that feeling hits hard. Not long after there’s a knock on the classroom door. I start crying, I already know it’s for me. Principal Smith carries my backpack and leads me to her office where two cops are waiting. The tears pour down my face as they confirm my parents just died in a car accident.

***

The next few days are a blur as my best friend Jane’s parents take care of all the arrangements for my parents’ funeral. They let me stay with them until my grandfather can be reached.

I’ve only met my grandfather a handful of times. He’s my dad’s father. They didn’t see eye to eye, but he’s the only family I have left. That is, if he’s willing to let me live with him. Otherwise Jane’s mom said I could stay with them until I turn eighteen. But I don’t know what I will do after that. I hope he is willing to let me stay with him.

***

A few more days have passed, and I haven’t spoken to my grandfather directly, but I’ve been told he’s coming to take me home after the funeral tomorrow. I have my stuff packed that I want to take with me. I’ve never been to my grandfather’s house or even been on a farm. I have no idea what it’s going to be like, but I need a change of scenery, I’m spiraling and no one is paying attention. Why can’t they see it? Do they even care?

Jason

Wade is beside himself after learning of his son’s death. He’s been hesitant to bring his granddaughter to the farm and into the world his son walked away from. But look where that got him…

It took a lot of convincing to get Wade to agree to let me go on a reconnaissance mission and keep an eye on her. It didn’t take much convincing to get him to agree to bring her home after I told him how lost she was. I was supposed to return and keep an eye on the farm while he attends the funeral and brings her home, but I can’t leave her here all alone. Especially with how no one is paying attention to her, someone needs to keep an eye on her. Yeah, she’s got her friend and her friend’s family, but they haven’t noticed how she’s losing it. That she’s been sneaking into their liquor and medicine cabinets when they aren’t watching.

Wade agreed to let my brother tend the farm and keep me here watching over Amy. Besides she needs to be protected, her father may have walked away, but now that he’s gone, everything her grandfather built will be hers when she comes of age. If she wants it. And once people know who she is and that she is alive, they will come for her. I’m not so sure her parents’ accident was an accident. Not so close to Amy’s birthday.

Amy

I feel like I’m being watched, but I’m probably just paranoid from the concoction I took last night. I can’t even remember what I took…

I take another shot of tequilla and start getting ready. What do you wear to bury your parents?

I break down and Jane’s mom comes in, doing her best to try and comfort me. She helps me find a black dress and a simple pair of black flats. I hate heels, I’d wear my Converses if my mom hadn’t hated them so much. So, I wear the flats she got me as a compromise for special occasions. But this isn’t a special occasion, it’s a goodbye, one that I don’t want to make.

Once I’m finally ready, there’s a knock on the bedroom door. “Come in.”

An older man walks in, I recognized him from the one and only picture my father kept of him. It’s my grandfather, but he’s not alone. Another man, much, much, younger is standing beside him. “I don’t know if you remember me darling, I’m your grandfather, but if you aren’t comfortable calling me grandpa, you can call me Wade.”

I just shake my head, I feel bad I don’t remember him, but it’s not my fault my parents kept their distance, they never gave me a reason for it. He points to the very attractive man next to him, “this is Jason, he works for me on the farm.”

I look Jason up and down and he may work on a farm, but he’s dressed up and doesn’t look like he’s spent one day on a farm, but like they say, you can’t judge a book by its cover.

Wade pulls me in for a hug and I hesitantly let him; I really don’t want to be touched but that’s a whole other story. “Grandpa, they… they’re gone.” I say as I stand there crying in his arms.

“Shh… it’s going to be okay darling. I’m here now.” I just let him hold me.

Amy

Jason speaks up, “Amy, dear, what belongs to you? I want to get everything ready to go, we need to leave right after the service.”

I pointed to the pile in the corner; I really didn’t pack much. He pats my shoulder and for the first time, a stranger’s touch didn’t make my skin crawl. I’m sure he saw me flinch, but it was just on instinct.

Jason

I saw her flinch, I see the way she’s letting Wade hug her, but she isn’t hugging back. Something’s happened to her. It’s not just the loss of her parents. But I’ll leave it alone… For now. She needs to get through today. She’s barely hanging on right now. I smell the alcohol. I know Wade has to smell it too, being so close to her.

I get the SUV packed and go in one last time to make sure we have everything. I flew out, but Wade drove, knowing we’d have her and all her belongings with us. I suggested the plane, but he wants to keep her in the dark as long as he can. I disagree with him, but I’m not going to disobey a direct order. I’ll keep my mouth closed.

Wade kisses her forehead, “I’ll give you a couple minutes and meet you outside darling.”

I look around, “Amy, are these your stuffies on the bed?”

She blushes and grabs them, “I can’t believe I almost left them; they are the last ones my dad got me a couple weeks ago.”

She holds them tight and starts crying again, I walk over to her, I want to wrap my arms around her, but I hold back. So, I keep my distance, but she surprises me by leaning against me, “I’m sorry about earlier… I… I don’t like to be touched.”

“Would you like to tell me why that is?”

She looks up, terrified, “Maybe one day… I’m sorry I flinched when you touched me, it was reflex, but can you please hold me? I feel safe with you.”

“I’ll hold you anytime you need, but I need you to do something for me angel.”

She looks up terror in her eyes, “Angel, that’s not what I meant, I need you to stop sneaking alcohol, pills, and any other random shit you might be taking.”

“You…. you’re the one who’s been watching me.”

Not a question. She knows. “I have, and clearly someone needs to.”

“You don’t even know me and a few days of watching from a distance, you’ve learned some of my darkest secrets.”

I brush her hair from her face as I hold her against me, “I see you Angel, I see you screaming for help.” I kiss her forehead, “I promise, getting away will help.”

“I hope so.”

Wade walks back to the door, “Darling, we don’t want to be late.”

“I’m ready, I just need this day to be over.”

Amy

I don’t know why I’m relieved when I realize Jason has been watching me. I knew I wasn’t just paranoid, like I was convincing myself I was. Why does he even care? But I didn’t lie, I feel safe in his arms. I wonder what all he’s told my grandfather, but that’s a problem for another day.

I take one last look around the room, making sure I have everything, and follow Jason out to the SUV that’s waiting for us. Grandpa’s already in the driver seat, I expected Jason to sit up front with him, but he sits in the back with me.

It’s a twenty-minute drive to the church, so I rest my head on Jason’s shoulder. Thoughts run in my mind that shouldn’t. I know nothing can ever happen between us, I don’t even know how old he is. But he feels safe, like no one else ever has before.

Once we are at the church, I can barely get out of the SUV. Jason whispers in my ear, “I got you angel, I won’t let you fall.”

I cling to him like my life depends on it as we walk into the church with grandpa right by my side. I know everyone is staring but I don’t care, I just lost my parents.

I barely make it through the service without breaking down, but now that we are at the gravesite part of the service, I’m starting to spiral again. I lean over and whisper in Jason’s ear, “I… I can’t watch the rest, please, get me out of here.”