Don't forget about me

"Those who go trough depression are not fragile:they are invisible survivors,fighting battles every single daythat others cannot see."

3:03 PM

i could already hear the chatter of the kids and the complains of the girls who had been deprived of their phones.

My father made the car start as soon as i got out. Sure, i wasn't expecting a "have a great time at summer camp son!" But at least a goodbye would have been nice. I quickly brushed that useless thought out of my head and adjusted my hair under my headphones, wich were playing "Caroline" by Måneskin.

I looked around, suitcase in hand, and all i could see were cars, more cars, trees, and kids crying because they didn't want to be away from home,while their parents had probably signed them up just to get rid of them for a few weeks.

The growing anxiety i was feeling was something i had gotten used to by that time. I knew who was going to be at that camp, and they weren't friends or family. They were the ones who were making my life a living hell every single day of school just for existing. I gathered my courage and reluctantly made my way to a small wooden cabin where the Green Dale Summer Camp staff was offering assistance to new campers.

I made my way though the kids who were trying to find their assigned cabins. That place was completely full, and just finding and avaible staff member felt impossible.

"Alright dear, could you tell me your first and last name please?"

The rushed voice of the girl in front of me brought me back to reality, and i slipped off my headphones, letting them rest around my neck.

"Noah Whitaker."

She quickly checked a sheet of paper and then smiled at me.

"You can hand your suitcase over to your Camp Counselor and he will take it to your assigned cabin when he arrives"

While i waited for the Camp Counselor to show up, the girl told me i could take a seat on one of the blue plastic chairs nearby. I took her advice, sat down and then put my headphones back over my ears.

Even with my music at almost full volume, i could hear a little girl right across from me,probably around nine years old, listing all her allergies and all the food she hated, like someone who has never heard a "no" in her entire life, to a staff member that was clearly done with her, but couldn't say it since he would probably get into trouble if he did.

On the other side of the room other loud girl's were complaining about how they had removed the vending machines this year. Honestly, it didn't surprise me much; last year, some guys had the brilliant idea of shaking one to get a snack out,causing the entire machine to fall over onto one of them. The camp almost got into serious trouble since they had to take him to the hospital. Luckily, nothing too serious happened to the guy, just a few bruises, thanks to two of his friends that intervened in time.

About five minutes passed, and the Group Counselor still hadn't shown up.

Was it possible they had forgotten about me? Just as i was thinking that, i heard laughter. Laughter that sounded way too familiar. Slowly, i turned my head toward the sound, and for a second, i felt air leave my lungs. I knew it. They were here. All four of them. The bastards who hadn't give me a single moment of peace since high school started.

Thomas. The one who looked like a Bulldog at first and was only good at playing football.

Liam. The one who was always glued to Thomas. He was just as mean, wich was probably why they were always together.

Ethan. Probably the quietest guy in the group, but with the same exact malice as the rest of them. His defining feature was that he always wore his long brown hair in a terribly bun, but i'm sure that nobody at school never told him to not get in trouble.

And finally,Leo. Leo was the one i hated the most. He always had a calm and composed demeanor and always looked out of place standing next to the other three. Yet, he was basically their leader and the one with the cruelest mind, the one who started the worst years of my life. Girls loved him. Obviously, how could they not? He was blonde with blue eyes, and his fake gentleman act fooled everyone. And unfortunately, it fooled me too.

Now all four of them were right there, looking at me and talking with each other like they always did. I wished from the bottom of my hearth i could say i was used to their cruelty,but that would just be a useless lie to make myself feel better. I went to stand up and wait outside, but when as i turned to leave, someone took my headphones off my head, I turned my head around quickly; as i suspected, the culprit was Leo. He looked at me with his usual smirk-the kind of smile someone gives you when they know they are much more superior than you in every way.

"I see our queer friend finally left the house and decided to spend more time touching grass." My vision blurred. My legs were starting to shake,just like every damn time i found myself face to face with them. I could feel my heartbeat racing faster and faster. I didn't know if i wanted to cry or to start screaming at them.

"Leo, give them back" My voice was shaking. I tried to make the words sound like a threat, but who would ever feel threatened by me? I was five foot nine, while they were all at least over six feet tall. They were loved and popular, while i was the loser who didn't even get picked for group projects in class, except when group members forced me to do all the work. It was frustrating. I fell so out of place, as if i were wearing an unremovable invisibility Coat that prevented me from having any normal social interaction. And why? Because a while ago, i made a mistake. A mistake that costed me my entire reputation. A mistake that costed me my entire social life.

"Come on Noah, don't be a party pooper. I don't mean any harm. I just came over to wish you a good time at the summer camp." Yeah, right, as if i actually believed that. His tone was more sarcastic than my dad's when he told me he loved me just to get me to buy him beer. What an asshole.

I was about to speak back, when a figure appeared behind them, stretching. He was wearing a yellow T-shirt with "Greendale Summer Camp" printed in bold letters across the chest, "STAFF" written in large red letters on the back, and blue bermuda shorts that looked so awful they could have come straight out of a horror movie.

The girl who had helped me check in before, ran over to scold him for being late, but he didn't seem to care at all; he looked like he was still dreaming. Perfect, what professionalism. When the two minute lecture finally ended, the girl seemed to give up, realizing he was a lost cause, and the guy casually walked to me.

"You must be...uhm ..." He began looking trough a big messy list.

"My name is Noah"

As soon as he heard my name, it was like something in his head ringed and he put down the list on a nearby table "Noah! Right! Well? What are you waiting for? Follow me"

I couldn't tell if he was stupid or if he was making fun of me. He was the one who made me wait for then solid minutes. He looked at me impatiently while my gaze shifted to Leo and the Rest of the group, who looked rather disappointed and visibly annoyed , probably because they had been interrupted.

"Well, see you around, Noah. Can't wait to spend more time with you."

He tossed my headphones back to me, and i barely managed to catch them before watching them walk away toward their cabins, still laughing together.

If i could have, i definitely would have run away from that place, but that would have been like explicitly admitting their actions had effects to me, just like they wanted-even though, in a way, they already knew it. But mostly it was because my parents forced me to come.

The guy who had just arrived cleared his throat "I'm Cristopher , and i'll be your group counselor. Give me your suitcase so i can walk you to your cabin."

I did what he asked and handed him my things. He led me through various paths, all heading in different directions. One sign pointed toward a tennis court, while another indicated the spot for nightly campfires. During the walk, i finally managed to feel a tiny bit relaxed because there was no one around, except for a couple of other group counselors showing the camp to some other kids.

The place itself didn't seem too bad. It was modern,while still maintaining a natural feel. We arrived at the part of the camp where the cabins where located and stopped in front of one with "Foxes" painted in large letters with forest patterns around.

"Alright, this is the cabin where you can rest and unpack. I'm going to welcome the other kids now. Remember, the cabins on the left are for the girls, so you can't go over there. Also, around 4:30 PM there's a general meeting that you're forced to attend." He talked so fast it was a miracle i managed to understand the part about the meeting. I didn't even have time to ask him to repeat himself before he had already sprinted off. The last thing i saw of him was a lock of his black hair and his way too sunny smile for someone who was supposed to look after a whole group of teenagers.

When the door closed, i was left alone inside the cabin. Apparently, i was the first to arrive, so i decided to explore it quietly before anyone else showed up.

It was quiete spacious, built entirely of exposed wooden beams. There was no glass in the windows, just very thick screens to keep insects out. Another thing i noticed was that there was no sign of a bathroom inside. There were several wooden bunk beds, along with trunks at the foot of the beds to keep inside the clothes,but no bathroom. I so figured it must have been located outside the cabin. I looked over the bunk beds and, without thinking too much about it, settled on one, picking the top mattress and lying down while staring at the wooden beams above me.

Now that i thought about it, the atmosphere was peaceful. If no one else were coming, it would have been perfect. I knew that most of the people from my school went in this camp, and they weren't going to let me have a quiet few weeks. It didn't even surprise me anymore. As i already mentioned, i was targeted for every single thing i did. I couldn't even get a new haircut without someone chuckling and making a comment. I couldn't even speak a certain way without people starting to say things like, "Did you hear how he talks?" I couldn't even go out with normal clothes without people starting to talk about my body that at the time was perfectly fine, but i just didn't know it. Or maybe i did, but hearing them say the same things over and over about me probably made me think that what they thought was what i thought.

I lived every day in constant fear of being judged, so much so that i tried to hide in baggy, unnoticeable clothes, or i just stopped trying new styles. I was even starting to hate myself and the way i was,hating the side of me that was so hard for me to accept, and that i had always kept hidden from my family and everyone close to me, out of fear of being hated, but wich, in the end, got exposed anyway. That was why everyone at school knew me. They called me a "faggot" or talked about me as "dick sucker".

I went to a christian school, and there, not being able to be yourself felt like an unwritten rule. They said i was a sinner,that the way i loved wasn't natural, or some said i was just pretending to like both girls and guys for attention,and to this day i still don't understand the logic behind that. Did i look like i wanted attention? Especially that type of attention.

"Why do i have to be hated for something i can't control?"

That was what i thought every single day, lying on the bathroom floor, watching the green tiles get covered in a scarlet liquid, swallowed up one by one, turning into a chessboard of bright, unnatural red, during that single moment when i was able to forget all of the hate and the disrespect and get a temporary sense of relief.