Beautiful, Anyway

We talk about love all the time. We write songs about it. We make movies about it. We fill books with stories of people searching for the one. We ask children whether they have a crush. We ask teenagers who they are dating. We ask adults when they are getting married.

Somewhere along the way, we learn that romantic love is supposed to be the greatest love of our lives.

But what if it isn’t the only great one?

What about the person who has known you through three different hairstyles, two terrible jobs, one broken heart, a period when you had no idea what you were doing with your life, and at least one decision they warned you not to make?

What about the friend who doesn’t need the polished version of you?

The one you can call and say, “I don’t need advice. I just need you to listen.”

The one who remembers who you were before you became someone’s wife, husband, mother, father, partner, employee, or parent.

We don’t write enough love stories about friendship.

And maybe we should.

Not Every Great Love Is Romantic

There is something strange about the way we measure relationships.

A romantic relationship that lasts five years and ends is often described as an important chapter of someone’s life.

A friendship that lasts twenty years can be described simply as, “Oh, we’ve been friends forever.”

As if that were ordinary.

It isn’t.

To know another human being for twenty years is extraordinary.

You have watched each other change.

You have survived distance, different jobs, marriages, children, disappointments, successes, misunderstandings, busy months, quiet years, and versions of yourselves that no longer exist.

And somehow, when you sit together again, there is still a thread connecting the person you are today to the person you were when you first met.

That is love too.

Not lesser love.

Not practice for romantic love.

Not something to enjoy until a partner arrives.

Love.

A Good Life Needs More Than One Person

One of the most dangerous ideas we have accepted is that one person should become almost everything to us.

Your partner should be your lover, best friend, therapist, travel companion, biggest supporter, favorite person, emotional safe place, entertainment, and the first person you call about everything. That sounds romantic.

It is also an enormous responsibility to place on one human being.

A healthy life needs more than one connection.

It needs the friend who makes you laugh.

The friend who understands your work.

The friend who remembers your childhood.

The friend you can sit silently beside.

The person you call when something wonderful happens.

The person you call when something terrible happens.

Sometimes these are different people.

That doesn’t make those relationships weaker.

It makes your life richer.

Today’s Affirmation

Not: Everyone loves me.

You don’t need everyone to love you.

Not: I will never be alone.

Sometimes you will be.

Instead: I will notice the love that already exists in my life.

And perhaps another one:

I will not treat friendship as a waiting room for romantic love.

Call someone.

Send the message.

Invite the friend for coffee.

Tell them you thought of them.

Ask the question you keep postponing because everyone is busy.

You do not need a special occasion to maintain a relationship.

Friendship is built almost entirely from ordinary occasions.

And one day, looking backward, you may realize that those ordinary conversations, ridiculous jokes, cups of coffee, walks, arguments, reconciliations, and messages saying Are you home yet? were not the background of your life.

They were your life.

And they were love.