Prologue — Jamie
There are two takeout bags on Adrian’s counter. Mine is the one with the extra container balanced on top. He never orders eggplant unless I’m here.
My clothes are in the bag on my shoulder now. My toothbrush is wrapped in a tissue. I have checked the bedroom twice, which is once more than I need to.
Adrian stands at the edge of the rug. He has stopped asking me to put the bag down.
“Did you love her?” I ask.
“Yes.”
I nod once.
“Okay.”
“It was a real marriage. And it ended. That doesn’t make this—”
“I know.”
I look at the elevator button. It is already lit beneath my finger.
There are things I can understand perfectly and still not stand in the same room with. Adrian looks as if he hasn’t slept. I know which side he would have slept on. I know where his hand goes when he turns toward me in the dark.
The doors open.
“Jamie.”
I turn because I still turn when he says my name.
“I love you.”
My hand tightens on the strap.
He doesn’t come closer. I want him to, and I want him to stay exactly where he is until I can get inside the elevator and stop having to choose.
“Not now,” I say.
