The End
going to the roof top with the Earbuds pluged in both my Ear's , don't know why but can't just stay & sit in my room . not drained out , not out of energy atleast not till now . Newly buyed Earbuds just throwing songs out of it. When I reach on rooftop i was not listening to the song i was intended to , I was there to listen to her song. Roaming on top , listening to different songs but avoiding to her's. The song which I listen to regularly was her song , It became my habit to listen to her everyday , but at that moment I don't have courage but suddenly song switch to her one's .
not listening to her, not listening to her" then close the music app immediately. The buds stops, not throwing any sound in my ears & there was just silence nothing else but silence.It's not like- I don't want to listen or her voice is bad or something. Then disconnecting the buds from phone & then put both phone & buds in my pocket with nothing in my hands now but the emptiness.I was doing nothing but only staring at everything, at the time 2 AM there was nothing interesting to see. Even though it was summer time cold wind going through my face. leafs on trees are fluttering as well as flags on houses. If you look carefully you realise that lights are dimming. Ahead of me is large ground, a ground which was filled by voices in day, even in that ground there was nothing to see just some animal's roaming.If you forgot I remind you, I was at rooftop to listen to her song.There was nothing just silence, silence on the out side as well as in my mindIt was very very rare moment from for me. At this time I was drained out, even though I did not do anything there was no energy left in me.
"What if in this moment she will be with me?"
"will she think of the way i am thinking?"
The usual questions abt. her arises in my mind. Even though they are the same questions which I ask myself frequently. But whenever I think abt. it I avoid it but at that moment i can't, i just can't, the voices in my head which I over come daily, just can't be avoided.All the memories started to go through my mind "when i kiss her on forehead" "when I kiss her on her left chick" "when she hugs me" "movings the ant's from her feet". but they are not troubling me & I was even happy that its the moments with her that are coming,That was the real me, not the one who talks very much or makes joke every time, just this real fucker who wants peace like this (By this "peace" I don't mean I want to abandon all humanity & everything), I always told myself from the start that I don't want anyone & I don't need anyone but at that moment the real me is shouting inside "I want her, I need her in my life".It was the same feeling that I will feel if at that time i listen to her song.At that moment i thought I should let my tears out but I can't, I wondered that why i can't but even after thinking much more I didn't realise why.
Maybe when she hugs me tightly in her arms & give me a forehead kiss, then maybe my tears will fall on the floor. I can't say much or can't say if this gonna happen or not, but one thing I am sure about, I want a hug not for sometime but everytime & it should be tight & very long.At the end, I did not listen to her song, but it was worth it, every second worth it.I am waiting for my hug. will you give it to me?
Your beloved one
