Kingdom Of Secrets

Goodbyes. Aren’t they always bittersweet? Especially when you know you won’t meet that person again. Sometimes, stepping away seems like the right thing even when you don’t want to leave. 

“Do you really want to do this, Natasha?” Jake asks. We are the only two people sitting on this small hill in the kingdom. I stare at the beautiful sunset before us, its orange rays casting a warm glow over the houses, as I try to come up with an answer.

We both know what I am going to say. We also know the answer would not be true. But it’s something that I have to do.

Not for me. For my mother.

I close my eyes, feeling the cold breeze graze over my skin. My hair flies back with the wind, creating knots that might take long to untangle.

“Why do you want to go to Seraphale?” The same words my father asked two months ago echo in my ears. My father. The king of Caladoreia. This kingdom. He is like every other king you read about in the books.

But it’s way worse because he’s my father.

I went to him with a proposal. That, “Wouldn’t it be great if we could strengthen our relations with our neighbouring kingdom, Seraphale?”, I had said. “I heard they have a really good looking prince, and I think he would be great for Royana”, there were underlying words that I knew my father would think:

Gaining control over their kingdom.

Well, that was the main goal. But the second thing… that I didn’t say was I wanted to accompany my stepsister, Royana.

She is two years older than me and the daughter of Queen Arhiana. But we never saw each other as stepsisters. She is the warmest and the most cheerful person I know. Every time she enters a room, the dark and greige colors turn bright. She is my support system beside Jake. That’s why making her marry a complete stranger is more difficult.

“Yes,” I finally answer Jake’s question. “I have to do this.” I rest my head on his shoulder.

This might be the last time we’ll sit on this hill together. On our favorite spot watching the sun set over the horizon. I really wish I could stop it from sinking behind the distant mountains.

Because it means we’ll have to say our final goodbye.

“It might be a complicated way…but I can’t watch mother suffer anymore”, I say as I look up at the boy I have loved ever since I was seven.

He looks down at me and nods.

“Nat…”, he says with a shaky breath. I gently lift my head from his shoulder to face him.

He lets out a soft laugh. “I know I have said it about a thousand times, but…”, I feel his palms wrapping around mine, “I’ll always be here for you”, a sad smile spreads across his face.

I nod softly. “I know”, my words come out as a whisper as I fight back my tears.

Jake Azer.

My best friend. The person who always stands beside me in any situation.

I still remember meeting him for the first time like it was yesterday. It was a completely regular day. I had just returned to my room after lessons with my stepbrother, Gael, when I saw my mother waiting for me. She then took me to a place I had never been to in the seven years of my life.

It was the slums. The lowest and poor part of our kingdom. I was so fascinated by it as we walked through the streets. They were filled with laughter and people chatting outside their small shops. It was so different from the palace. Even through all the commotion and noise I felt at peace.

And then, mother stopped at a small clothing store at the end of an alley. I watched as she started a conversation with a beautiful lady, almost about her age. Her name was Aunt Mira.

She greeted me with a huge smile and hugged me. It was the most homely hug I felt and then…she introduced me to her son.

He was standing behind the counter, looking at me with the most curious pair of eyes I had ever seen. His dark brown hair was slightly messy, falling over his forehead, and there was something about his smile that made me want to smile too.

He looked my age, maybe a little older. But I couldn’t stop staring at him as he shook my hands and greeted me.

And since then, I haven’t stopped looking.

For the next few years, I begged my mother to take me to his place. Even though Father didn’t like it, I went.

Soon enough his family felt like mine. I spent most of my weekends at his place, playing cards with him and his mom or sneaking out early in the morning to catch the sunrise or stealing cakes from his neighbour’s store. It was fun. Most of our teenage years were spent with us being each other’s best friends, but then, on the night I turned sixteen. Something changed between us. We shared the same feelings for each other. The feelings that I had tried to put together ever since I was seven, fell into place.

We liked each other.

“I’ll wait for you”, I am suddenly brought back into the present by his voice.

I shake my head. “No, Jake,” I hold his hand more tightly. “Y-you can’t”

“Why?”, he says as I notice his glassy eyes. He never cries. I might’ve just seen him crying once in the whole fourteen years and that was when he had a bad fever and his mother wouldn’t let him come to meet me.

“J…we both know why”, I say, barely controlling my tears now. “The thing that I am walking into is really dangerous…I-I am on my way to openly challenge my father and this…this is just the first step in it”

“But why wouldn’t you take me?”, a teardrop falls from his right eye. “Why do we have to be away from each other ? I-I can help you–”

“Jake…”, he pauses as I cup his face with my palms. “We’ve had this conversation” I sigh. “You have your life too, you deserve to complete your dreams an-and Aunt Mira needs you, she’ll be all alone if you come with me”

“I am sure she’ll understand”, he says.

I give him a tight smile and wipe his tears. “I know she would…but the only thing that will keep me going in my mission will be knowing…you’re safe at home”

“I won’t forgive myself if you leave everything over here and come with me walking into this dangerous path…”, I let out a shaky breath. “Please J.” I rest my forehead against his and close my eyes.

“You are so close to opening a diner here. J…”, I sigh. “I-I can’t let you leave everything here and ruin your life”, I finally give up on my tears and a trail falls.

“Please…please don’t wait for me”, I whisper. I feel his hand trailing over my messy hair. He can’t wait. He needs to forget about me. Because without that I know he won’t move on. He will just sit in a corner doing nothing. I have seen him do that every time when we have to stay away from each other. And that was just a few days, but this time…it can be months.

“I can’t do that Nat”, his voice breaks as he says. “Please don’t ask me to do that… yo-you’re my best friend, I know I can’t stop you but…but please don’t ask me to forget you…because I don’t know how to do that–” , I interrupt him by pulling him into a hug. “Please Jake…”, a tear falls down my eyes and lands on his shoulder. “Don’t make this harder than it already is” , I feel his arm over my back. His warm embrace already asking me to stay. This feels like the only place I belong.

Maybe if I was selfish enough, I would not leave.

I love you, Jake.

My unsaid words ring in my ears as I pull away from him. The orange of the sky has already turned purple.

“Goodbye Jake”, my palms slip away from his and I start my walk down the hill.

I don’t look back.

I can’t look back.