I Never Settled

Sam sat and stared at the photo on his phone. His heart ached. It had ached for the past few days.

He had taken the photo after he went to surprise his wife, Harriet, at her office. She was a beautiful, intelligent and successful woman with an old-fashioned name.

Judging from the photo, she had settled for him until someone better came along. Now she had found someone worthy of her.

Harriet walked through the front door as Sam looked at the photo that he had taken of her embracing another man.

“Oh, my God! What a day! You wouldn’t believe what happened. The client we won decided they wanted to change everything. Months of work for nothing!” Her brow furrowed when she kissed Sam. “What’s wrong?”

“I saw you,” Sam whispered forlornly.

“What?”

“I saw you the other day when I came to your office.” He showed his wife the photo.

A look of dismay crossed Harriet’s face. Her husband’s strange mood now made sense.

“Did you see everything?” she asked as she sat next to him.

“Who is he?” Sam asked, not answering her.

“Alex. I suppose you would call him loosely an ex-boyfriend. One I hoped never to see again.”

“Do you love him?”

“Is that even a serious question?”

“Why shouldn’t it be? He’s everything I’m not. He’s good-looking, well-dressed and successful.”

“I don’t believe this!” Harriet closed her eyes with consternation. “Is that the kind of person you think I am? Do you think I’m so shallow that I would be impressed by someone like Alex?”

Sam slowly shook his head.

Harriet thought carefully. “I’m sorry. I should have told you I met him, but I only wanted to put meeting him again behind me. It wasn’t a nice experience. I can see from the photo that it looks bad, and I understand if you are hurt, but I promise nothing happened between us.”

“It doesn’t look like it.”

“What did you see exactly?” Harriet demanded, getting angry that Sam didn’t believe her. “Or more to the point, did you take a photo of me pushing him away? Did you hear me tell him that I was happily married, or even me calling my friend who I’ve known since university to end our friendship for setting us up?”

“No,” Sam replied shamefully.

“What is this about? This isn’t like you. You never get jealous. I love that about you.”

“Sometimes I don’t feel like I’m good enough for you. You have a fancy education. You’re successful. You earn more than I ever could. Sometimes I wonder what you see in me.”

“Are you serious!? How can you even think like that?”

“I don’t understand.”

“Do you remember when you asked me out?”

Sam nodded. “You called me because your car broke down and you needed help getting home.”

“That’s how you remember it. I remember it differently. I was frightened and crying on the side of the road because my car broke down in the middle of the night, in the rain, not knowing what to do. You got out of bed for me. You found me in the dark with your tools and got my car started by torchlight. You then gave me the keys to your car so I could get home safely, and you drove mine.”

“You should never have bought that car.”

“I had no idea. Alex wouldn’t have either. He would have told me to call for the breakdown cover I didn’t have then turned over in bed. Whereas you found me like a superhero.”

“You took ages to say goodnight. You wouldn’t let me leave.”

Harriet rolled her eyes with exasperation. “I was waiting for you to ask me out! You taught me what a real man was that night. You showed me who you were, and I wasn’t going to let you go.

“Yes, before you, I did use to chase men like Alex. That’s who my friends went for and who I thought I was supposed to be with. Men with charming words and flashy cars who make the world appear exciting. They let you chase them and give you little in return. You had already impressed me with the furniture you make. You are so talented, and,” Harriet flushed red with embarrassment, “I found the smell of wood on you a turn-on. I still do. I never knew that about myself. I always thought expensive cologne made men sexy, then I met you, and I found I was wrong. It was wood and the sweat of an honest day’s work on his hands.”

“You mean you liked me from when we first met? I couldn’t understand why a posh girl like you would be interested in my woodworking hobby.”

“It wasn’t just some woodworking hobby! You took old pieces of wood and worked your magic, turning them into something beautiful. It was fascinating. I was amazed when you showed me the photos of what you made. Why did you think I spent the whole night talking to you? Why did you think I entered my number on your phone? I had never met anyone like you. I wanted you to call me to ask me out, but you never did.”

“I didn’t realise.”

Harriet gave Sam a soft, loving kiss. “You had a naïve charm that I loved. You still have it, and I still love it. It’s why I’m not angry with you and why I’m telling you why I love you.”

“I know, but sometimes…” Harriet pressed her finger to Sam’s lips to silence her husband.

“Maybe I’ve kept too many small secrets from you, and it has damaged your confidence. I’m sorry. I never meant to do that. I can’t believe you are going to make me admit these things. It’s too embarrassing! Do you remember when we first slept together?”

“You had a strange look when I started to touch you. I wasn’t sure you were enjoying it.”

“Enjoy it?” Harriet took Sam’s hands. “These rough hands of yours gave me an orgasm. It surprised me. I never planned on sleeping with you, but I couldn’t stop myself. They still give me an orgasm. It’s a problem. I can only let you touch me when we’re alone. I don’t want an orgasm in public.”

“How is that possible?”

“I’m still trying to figure that out, but it happens. Perhaps I need to keep it a mystery. I loved how you kept surprising me. Before you, I was only used to the soft hands of selfish lovers like Alex, who are full of empty arrogance. That toy that you weren’t happy I bought. Do you know why I bought it? It’s because on the business trips and conferences I go to, men like Alex, with their expensive clothes, charming words and soft hands, think they can get me into bed. I hate it, and I wish they would leave me alone.

“What do they have to offer me? Money and success? I already have that. I don’t need more. What I don’t have is what you have, and I know you are a better lover than Alex. These men make me think of you, and I need to go to my room to use my toy. I always fantasise about you when I use it. Wishing you were with me because I miss you.”

“I’m sorry for doubting you.”

“No. It’s good we’re having this conversation. Are you proud of me? Are you proud of my success? Are you still happy to support me in my career?

“Of course!”

“That’s all I need from you. I love how you make me feel seen. I meet so many men who don’t listen to me as you do. Alex,” Harriet said, tapping Sam’s phone, “could never make me feel the way you do. Without you, I could never have been as successful as I have. You made me a better person. Someone I can be proud of.”

“How? I don’t understand.”

“Sam, you are my safe space. You are my own personal superhero. You’re always there for me when things go wrong, to hold me when I come home, or rescue me, like fixing my car at night, in the rain, when it breaks down. You are why I can live without fear. I love that my friends are jealous of me because I’m married to you.”

“You’re friends? They don’t like me. Your family doesn’t think I’m good enough for you.”

Harriet shook her head like Sam couldn’t be more wrong. “They are jealous of me. They’re jealous of how happy you make me. Okay, their husbands don’t like you; that’s because they know they can’t do what you can, and my friends compare them to you. As for my family, they didn’t at first, but you won them over. My dad is taking woodworking classes, imagine that!”

Sam looked away with intense guilt. “I should have known better. You didn’t deserve it.”

“Listen, do you know why I wanted this house that you said was too big for us? So you would have somewhere to keep your tools and have a proper workshop. That bookcase you made for my birthday is the one thing I treasure the most. I complained to you that I needed somewhere to keep all my books. You heard me. Instead of buying me a bookcase, you made me one. It made me feel so special that you dedicated all that time to make something for me. I don’t know anyone else who could do that for me.”

“I wish I could be as successful as you, though,” Sam lamented. “Maybe I’m just jealous; that’s why seeing you with your ex bothered me.”

Harriet looked at her husband incredulously. “Sam, you are successful! Success isn’t only judged by money. I was so happy when you told me that you wanted to make your hobby into a job. People keep asking me to show them what you have made. My parents show their friends pictures of what you make.

“Wealthy people are getting to know and appreciate your work. My only criticism is that you don’t know what you create is worth. I had to push you to raise your prices. You need to create a brochure. That’s my expertise, and I want to share my knowledge with you. Let me support you like you’ve supported me.

“Let’s face it, if the world is hit by an asteroid, who has the expertise to help rebuild it? Not me. Not my useless ex. You! My expertise would be worthless.

“I’m proud of you, Sam. I’m so proud you are my husband, and the one thing I never did was settle for you. I wanted you more than anyone else. But there is something else I want from you,” Harriet told him as she mounted him and kissed him deeply.

“What?”

“I want to stop using contraception and fill this house with children. I’m ready. We’ll make the most amazing children. Does that sound like I settled?

If you like my story you can buy published books from Amazon:

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